u/Qslippxxx

I (27F) am close friends with a woman (27F) who has a 1-year-old child. I’m struggling with whether I should get involved in something that feels bigger than me.

My friend works a 9-5 job, and her boyfriend (28M) is a DJ. They are not married, but they have been together and he has always believed this child is his.

Before she got pregnant, my friend had dated and hooked up with other people. I don’t judge her for her past, but she has never been completely open about that period of her life, even with me.

The reason I’m worried is because as the baby has gotten older, her boyfriend has started noticing things that make him question paternity. The baby looks a lot like my friend, but not much like him. He has a very fair complexion, while my friend has a brown complexion, and the child’s skin tone is much darker than either of them. People around them have also noticed that the child doesn’t resemble him.

During arguments, I have heard him say things like, “This isn’t my baby” and “He doesn’t look anything like me.” At the same time, I can tell he loves the child and has been a good father. I think he is struggling because he loves this baby but also has doubts that he cannot ignore.

I feel stuck because I care about my friend, but I also feel like he deserves to know the truth. A DNA test would give everyone clarity, whether it confirms he is the father or not.

My friend is already under a lot of pressure. She is struggling with work, money, and raising a child. She also has not told her own mother about the baby because she is afraid of disappointing her. Her mother raised her as a single parent and always warned her not to repeat the same struggles.

I understand why my friend is scared. I know she loves her boyfriend, and from what I’ve seen, he has treated her well. But I feel like avoiding the issue is only making things harder for everyone, especially him.

I haven’t confronted her because I’m afraid she will feel judged or betrayed. I don’t know if it’s my place to say anything.

AITAH if I encourage my friend to be honest with her boyfriend and consider getting a DNA test, or should I stay out of it?

I’m struggling with a situation involving my close friend, and I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is.

My friend (27F) has a 1-year-old child. She works a regular 9-5 job, and her boyfriend (28M) is a DJ.
They are not married, but he has been raising the child as his own because he thought that it’s his child.

Before she got pregnant, my friend had dated and hooked up with other people. She has never fully opened up about that period of her life, and I don’t want to judge her for it. However, there is something that has been bothering me for a long time.

The child does not look much like her boyfriend. The baby looks a lot like my friend, but the baby’s skin tone is much darker than either of them. Her boyfriend has very fair skin, and my friend has a light brown complexion. The baby’s complexion is significantly darker, and even people around them have noticed that the child doesn’t resemble him.

The biggest concern is that her boyfriend has started expressing doubts. During arguments, I have heard him say things like, “This isn’t my baby” and “He doesn’t look anything like me.” At the same time, he clearly loves the child and has been a good father figure. It seems like he is struggling internally because he feels something is off but still loves the baby.

I feel torn because I want to support my friend, but I also feel like her boyfriend deserves to know the truth. I think a DNA test would give everyone peace of mind, whether the result confirms he is the father or not.

The situation is complicated because my friend is already under a lot of pressure. She is struggling with work, finances, motherhood, and hiding the baby from her own mother, who doesn’t even know she has a child. They live in different countries. Her mother raised her as a single parent and always warned her not to repeat the same struggles, so my friend is terrified of disappointing her.

I know my friend loves her boyfriend. From what I’ve seen, he has treated her well and has been supportive, which is why she chose him. But from the outside, it feels like fear and guilt are preventing her from facing this situation honestly.

I’m not trying to attack my friend or expose her. I genuinely want to help because I can see everyone involved is hurting, especially the child.

If you were in my position, would you say something to her? Would you encourage her to get a DNA test, or would you stay out of it because it’s their relationship?

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