u/Quiet_Pup

Everywhere I look there’s people making fun of strangers for brownie points, unnecessary insults and ”jokes” that are not really jokes, on couples videos there’s always someone insulting the couple for no reasons, mean girls everywhere and oh my GOD what is going ON????????

I don’t know if everyone is angry at life of whatever but I truly believe we need to be kinder to each other because the world is shitty as it is so no need to be rude just because.

My life has always been incredibly pathetic and sad… I want to not think of it that way but it is.. and I’ve realized that it most likely will never get better….
I have a real butter face no matter how much make up I put on I’m ugly as shit, I’m the definition of putting lipstick on a pig. No matter how much I work out my body or how healthy I eat, my body is still disgusting and I’m not being hard on myself it’s just the truth. No matter what I do to my hair it’s still ugly. I can’t dress for shit and I have tried to take inspiration but nothing looks good and I don’t get it, I’m using inspiration from women with similar body types but I look like a clown.
lately I’ve been trying to… I guess hit on guys I think are cute but of course I never get noticed because of course why tf would they notice me so I fail miserably, I tried taking to girls I think would make cool friends and I also failed miserably, because of course I don’t fit their aesthetic…. There’s a guy I’m seriously crushing on that I don’t even know why I would ever think he would even see me as anything other than a girl he used to work with…. I’m embarrassed by my over confidence. My brain has made me think of so many scenarios of us being friends but ffs he has a girlfriend…. a gorgeous girl why would he ever even give me a second look if he’s ever single again.

I’ve never been hit on

No one’s ever bought me a drink at the bar

No one’s asked for my number or socials

Anytime I hear girls talk about their experiences in dating or sex, of how a cute guy/girl is hitting on them or how they didn’t pay for a single thing a the bar I can’t relate… I stay quiet.

I lost my virginity just 2 days after my 26th birthday with some random dude from some website…. every hookup I’ve had has been ONS bc they would never wanna see me again…. I get it… I wouldn’t either..

It was the same… no one of them wanted to be seen with the ugly fat chick…. so it was mainly my apartment. And I accepted it bc it was the only way I would recognize attention

Today a post of a girl who was a friend (and also my bully, long story) who is in Italy as we speak and she looks like a goddess, I mean that. First think I thought of was, how she doesn’t need to over sexualize herself to maybe grab a guys attention or how she doesn’t have to chase girls to be her friend bc she’s just physically/visually stunning and has a kind personality. How of that time we went to Miami for lunch the waiter didn’t even acknowledge my presence other than to ask me what I wanted …. Of course he was flirting with her the entire time and asked for her number while I sat there awkwardly letting them finish.

when we were little girls she would bully me and even said how she saw me being this gross fat girl who only sat in front of the tv eating her life away… how she never saw me in a relationship and so more stuff. Years later (when we reached high school I think) she apologized and realized it was a horrible thing to say and how she didn’t mean it, that she was a dumb kid. However…. here we are….. I am this disgusting girl who sends nudes to some stranger she found online hoping he’ll be horny enough to fuck her… or being this weirdo in girls DM’s trying to form a real friendship and I realized how most of the people if not all don’t do this… no one I know has to beg for attention…. how they get compliments effortlessly.. how they find the love of their lives easily and I, at 27, have only had sex in hopes of thinking that I’m not as ugly as I’ve convinced myself to be… that maybe mi mind is just that mean.

But it’s not…. I’m not like other girls….. I’m invincible bc of how ugly I am. The only compliments I get are towards my curly (afro) hair….

It’s so painful to think how right that girl was right (the only difference between what she said and now is that I do not eat my life away nor sit infront of the tv but the rest of her words happened)

I genuinely don’t think I have anything to live for if I have to keep begging people to notice me or like me… I can’t keep going like this.

I can’t change my face and I don’t have money for surgery…. there’s no amount of makeup, perfume, jewelry, clothes that can hide how truly repulsive I am and look. I know what you’re thinking, just lose weight do something about it but that’s the problem… I have and am… yet it remains the same.

So as the title says, I have made the decision to move NYC for work.

I’ve been searching apartments all over Brooklyn, Midtown, Manhattan etc.

I’m wondering what tips and tricks do you guys have to find decently priced apartments where I don’t have to get a room mate. Reason being is that I have 2 cats and I do not trust anyone with them. (I’ve seen horror stories, and I do not want to end up in jail)

I’ve been looking through Streeteasy, apartments.com, apartmentlist, craigslist (sketchy as fuck tbh), etc.

But every rental seems too good to be true and I do not want to waste time being scammed so I’ll hear y’all out. I’d love to hear your experience

Edit: I’m getting downvoted to hell right now for saying I have a budget of $1,800-$2,100 😭😭😭😭 y’all I’ve never been to New York and I’ve heard of people landing apartments in this range.

Edit 2: Y’all I get it…. not sure why the hostility…. either raise my budget to go live “in the hood” thanks