u/Rabbitsinvas

There's this guy who is a friend of a friend and he clearly has a romantic interest in me, I can see it and all our mutual friends can see it. They know I am Aromantic but aren't telling him to leave me alone.

I am the kinda person who feels deeply disgusted and uncomfortable at the thought of someone being romantic attracted to me, and a chronic people pleaser, so I just tend to pretend to notice someone flirting with me till they confess and I can just let them down easy. The thing is I am genuinely starting to hate this guy, he let's his preconceived notions about me dictate how I should be as a person. This one time I said that I'm really chalant about things and he literally asked me to say the most chalant thing I've done, he's made me prove my interests!

It also kinda feels like my friends find his interest in me amusing and sweet, but I hate it so much, when I said all the things I dislike about him one said he's just shy and really cares about me, and another said I should give him a chance. I don't like having to disclose my identity to everyone especially because of the country I live in, yes I know queer people but there have been times I've had to explain what being Aromantic is.

Me being Aromantic is something I'm still kinda sensitive about, especially talking about my negative feelings towards people's romantic attraction to me, with the way the world is it's something that they can't comprehend. What really hurts is that my friends are queer too, but it feels like they treat my Aromance as an option. I'm sorry if this is hard to understand I'm just feeling emotional overwhelmed right now.

TW: Suicide and Self harm

I've had mental health issues for a good part of my life(anxiety and depression) , I wanted to properly deal with it in 2024 during my gap year, I went to the public mental health facility. They asked different kinds of questions but when they asked what I planned on studying I told them engineering.

It kinda felt like an almost constant depressive experiences from doctors and medical students, almost always asking if I can really handle, saying it's really stressful and just doubting my abilities. I doubt my abilities enough and their words just kept moving in my mind.

Now it's 2026, I made it through my first year with a lot of going back to my self harming tendencies, but I made it through. I know I'm not making it to my third year this time. This year has just felt like a constant battle to not think about killing myself, I have been self harming again, and almost constantly have thoughts of hurting myself.

I'm so tired, I want to give up, but I really want that degree, I even had thoughts of masters. The idea that I can't do it keeps moving in my mind, I can hear them saying I should just change my degree. I can't even complain, I'm the reason I'm so behind but I feel like I'm drowning and that I'm really showing that they were right.

Just that, I have 48 days to study 7 courses.

I'm planning on studying Mechanical engineering but my university requires us to do general engineering first, which means I have 8 courses (7 which are examinable).

This predicament I'm in is a combination of possible ADHD, all around poor mental health and my school being ass. I have accepted that I am most likely gonna repeat the year, I have told my parents to not expect much from me this year.

I just wanted to complain about my current situation before I go back to studying. We aren't even done with all our classes and Labs for the Second semester. Failure is a part of life and all I can do is learn from it.

I think about an argument I had with a friend last year when she kept pursuing someone who didn't like her back and how she kept talking about how unloved she felt. I got so fed up with her need for this person and asked her why she wanted romantic love so badly even when it made her feel horrible. I don't remember what her response was.

Or when she was dating her boyfriend, it was only a 6 month relationship but she put so much energy into him and spent less time with me. I felt bitter and kinda jealous because all my friends put their romantic relationships about our friendship, I was always gonna be the second option. I wanted to be someone's first, even though the thought of a romantic relationship makes me sick, I was gonna put myself through one. I hated myself for being aromantic in that moment