u/Rasta_pasta_plus

Last year I dumped a partner for the last time. it was an exhausting relationship. I was constantly being asked to give up my goals and dreams to pacify her all while watching her cross boundaries with people in her life. I was extremely clear when I met her that I wasn’t looking for a relationship and was only interested in being friends.

I decided to give her a chance because she swore up and down that she loved me. About a year and a half in I came to the same conclusion I came to many years ago: relationships are not worth it.

Every relationship I’ve been in led to me losing money, time, dignity and rest. I ended up sacrificing my needs just to be put last or not even considered.

I find all these pro-single women commentary so interesting because there is an assumption that only men can be problematic.

I think anyone can be problematic in a relationship when one partner is expected to carry all or most of the financial, emotional or physical load.

I knew 20 years ago that I should have stayed single. But 20 years ago, I was too dumb to realize all I would lose getting into a relationship. Now I’m crystal clear. Never again.

Eta: dignity, lost that every time.

Even as a child, I knew that life was not a gift and that not everyone should procreate. I spent much of my childhood being neglected, ignored, made fun of by adults, being shown that I was not the favorite and was not special. I cleaned and took care of my younger siblings.

I was barely a year old when my own grandmother starved me.

I went to school in tattered clothing and barefoot. I was balding from stress at 5 years old.

I was failed by the two people that brought me into the world. If it wasn’t for a kind aunt, I don’t know where I would be. I’m doing better now but I still grieve not having real parents.

Bringing children into the world who you cannot take care of is cruel. Even now in middle age, I’m still so angry. I see people who are my age and older who have parents who love them and support them. Parents who listen or cook for them or go and support their interests.

My parents are absolute failures who depended on other people to support their kids. My mother was diagnosed with mental illness at 20. She had me at 31. So, she knew that she shouldn’t have had kids and that she was unable to care for them. She was unstable for decades. And she still is.

I think it is cruel to have kids when you cannot take care of them. It’s the definition of selfishness. people like this just want cute babies but babies are only cute for a few years. Then we spend the rest of our lives fending for ourselves, trying to survive, by going to school, seeking love from the wrong kind of people, working, seeking shelter and food and taking in mountains of debt because once again, parents don’t help.

The world is cruel and parents like mine, are especially cruel.

Saw another post in here that sparked this question. Living alone doesn’t mean being completely self focused or complete isolation.

How many of us volunteer or are active in our communities? How did you get involved? What do you enjoy most about it? And did you make friends?

Most of my volunteer work is unorganized. I volunteer at arts events in my city, pick up trash in my neighborhood, shovel snow for elderly neighbors, pack food for food insecure families, occasionally drive elderly people in my neighborhood and sort books at my local book bank.

I‘m looking for more structured volunteer opportunities. Any suggestions?

if only there was a way to prevent your house from smelling. Saw someone complaining that their house stinks must be the only dog owner who hasn’t gone nose blind. Here’s one piece of advice:

“I've found with my dogs i can keep the smell away if I bath them every other week and mop twice a week. I also brush their teeth and clean their ear regularly. It's a bit is work but definitely helps with smell. I travel weekly and when I would get home sometimes I could just smell them.“

Why someone’s would volunteer to live with a rancid animal and then act like their slave is beyond me.

Aside from living with a partner, I’ve never enjoyed living with anyone. And as I get older, I also don’t enjoy having visitors. I purchased a nice, modest home. The few times I’ve had visitor, I was told that my home would be great for entertaining.

I have a lovely front porch, nice deck, fenced yard and nice kitchen/dining/living area. I even have a dedicated guest room. But I do not like the idea of having strangers (friends of friends) or even family and friends coming to my home.

Everytime, I start planning an event in my home, I change my mind. Honesty, entertaining doesn’t bring me joy. All I think about is how much work it takes to get my home ready, having to entertain people and then having to deal with catering to them and their dietary needs. Plus, I feel like guests intrude on my solitude. It’s exhausting.

I had my best friend and her kid spend the weekend a while back and it was so much work. It was exhausting. I’m also getting ready to have more dear friends and family visit over the next few months and I dread it. I was so happy when my best friend from college had to reschedule his trip to see me. lol

I love these people but don’t want them at my house and would prefer that they limit their time here. I’m I the only one who feels this way?

Hi,

I bought a 100 year old house three years ago. I’ve been trying to solve this issue since date of purchase. I have a hallway bathroom and master bath. Whenever I flush the hall bath toilet, the master toilet empties out. Of course I have to then flush the master toilet or I have a horrible smell.

I’ve had the master toilet block and overflow twice to the point where I had to call a plumber and pay emergency fees.

The last time that happened sewage overflowed in the hall bathtub. Guy came on a Sunday and pulled the hallway toilet and snaked it. I also had an issue with master sink where the it would drain extremely slowly despite snaking to the point where I stopped using it. He fixed it.

Now, I’m noticing that there is a gurgling sound in the hall toilet when I take a shower. And then the hallway toilet empties out.

Plumbers have told me it’s either a: venting issue or another block further down the line.

I have had a really hard time finding an honest plumber who doesn’t prey on my desperation.

I talked to three plumbers and they all are estimating that it will cost around $1,000 to $1,200 to pull the toilet, put a camera down and snaked it.

I don’t mind paying if that fixes the problem but it feels like every year I‘m spending at least a thousand on this freaking problem. Plus, because it’s an old house, I also have other costly house project.

Help! Any tips would be greatly appreciated.