u/RatioSpecific9779

First time trying writing after reading mistborn, the stormlight Archives, and red rising. Super big Webtoon and Manga Nerd too. Thought I might have some cool ideas. I finished the first two chapters and I'm afraid it might feel dragged and boring or maybe even too fast and not enough details. If someone could give it a chance that would be great. Any additional thoughts are welcome. Please pay no mind to spelling and grammar if possible. boredom is the main thing.

Chapter 1: The Corn Stall

The dirt kicked up as Sian and his grandpa settled down at their market stall. It was finally happening for Grandpa Tui, and Sian tried his best to show his happiness, but ended up putting on a crooked smile instead.

“Let’s get ready for the upcoming foot traffic,” said Grandpa Tui.

Since Sian was little, Grandpa Tui had always told him about his dream of opening a stall in the presence of the Revered. But was this even considered a stall? It was more of a makeshift mat, which Grandma Mei had woven from leftover yarn, wool, string, and even old clothes the family no longer wore, along with a sign Dad assembled from the lumber lot, spelling “Fresh Corn”.

The pair began placing the corn out for display.

“Remember, Grandpa, we’re only starting today, so don’t get your hopes too high in case we don’t get any sales.”

“You know that’s not why we’re here.”

“Yes, I know—we’re here to serve. For the blessing of the Great One comes from those Revered.”

Grandpa Tui joined in on the recitation Sian gave, a phrase taught, it seemed, as soon as each person was born into the world.

“Yes, exactly. Even us Nieas are taught this phrase,” said Grandpa Tui in his jolly tone.

“Yes, yes, Grandpa,” Sian replied, unable to match his energy. “I will happily serve to receive the blessing of the Great One. Just don’t overwork yourself too much. Your hands are even more shriveled from washing all the corn.”

“I’ve got you, don’t I?” said Grandpa Tui, which tickled Sian’s ego. “I see your father has helped you put on some muscle, so I have nothing to worry about.”

Grandpa wassss right, his shoulders had gotten broader since he started helping his father in the lumber lot, Sian thought. The day’s trek to get to Kumpi hadn’t tired him, but he worried his grandpa might fall ill again. Still, nothing seemed capable of bringing Grandpa Tui’s spirits down.

Finally settled, a voice firmly called out, “Please present your writ of consumer sales.”

Sian turned toward the voice and was met with a footman guard wearing the symbol of the Revered. Grandpa Tui rummaged through his satchel and produced the black parchment proving the stall’s legitimacy.

The footman seemed rather awed after receiving it. “This must’ve cost at least a ten-year salary for you Nieas,” he said. “How long did it take you to buy such a parchment?”

“I’ve been saving since I was my grandson’s age.”

“That’s a long, long time,” the footman replied, scanning for Grandpa’s name. “Mr. Tui,” he said with hesitation. “Glory to the Revered.”

“Glory to the Revered, Sulta,” Grandpa Tui echoed.

The footman looked back as if to say something more, but instead returned to his post.

Midday arrived, and the corn sale was going surprisingly well for first-timers. Grandpa Tui was even outperforming some nearby established stalls owned by the Ngos and Shangthos.

“I’m pretty sure you’re the first Niea to purchase an official parchment of the Revered,” said a Niea customer. “Please be careful, change can be dangerous, but I’ll support where I can.”

He smiled. The smile was odd, and Sian chose to believe it was genuine. As opposed to what—ingenuine? He let the thought pass and continued working.

“Next time you come, please bring Lun and Suttel. I’m sure they’ll enjoy being closer to the Revered,” Sian said, half-mocking.

“The Revered are why we have what we have, and I’m sure your siblings will enjoy the trip once they’re old enough,” Grandpa Tui replied.

“Were doing good for ourselves for our first time, aren't we, Sian?”

“Too bad we haven't gotten to sell to a Revered,” Sian said. “The whole family’s been waiting for that dream to come true.”

A Ngo seller overheard them, chuckling as he intruded. “Gio of the Ngo sect,” he introduced himself, as was custom. “A Revered would never purchase from the slums,” he added condescendingly.

“Tui of the Niea sect. Thank you for the quip,” Grandpa Tui replied, turning away.

“Pay him no mind, Sian. I’m sure if a Revered saw this, they’d want nothing more than to purchase it.”

Grandpa Tui then pulled out a cob wrapped neatly in a plain piece of cloth. Sian thought he saw a slight glow, though it was probably just the midday light. Still, the cob was perfect—as perfect as a cob could be—and Sian began to believe his grandpa’s words since the Cob was just so perfect. Maybe, even as a Niea, he could sell to a Revered. That would truly be a blessing from the Great One.

Evening eventually came to the kingdom of Kumpi, and the two began packing up their belongings, which were few after the prosperous day.

A hefty woman, tall in stature, approached the stall. “Shefa of the Shangthos sect,” she introduced herself. “I saw the good work you two put in today as first-time sellers, and it looks like your crops aren’t half bad either.”

“Tui and my grandson Sian of the Niea sect,” Grandpa Tui replied. “Thank you for the kind words.”

“No problem,” she said, patting him on the back. “I always knew there was a market for the Nieas here, and you’ve capitalized on it quickly. Didn’t you notice who your customers were?”

Shefa began offering advice on how to profit and build a proper business while Sian continued packing. She seemed kind, almost motherly—someone you felt inclined to listen to.

Blare! A horn sounded.

“Alexander Blyth, third son of the Revered 98th House, blessed by the Great One, has come to meet his people of the slums!” announced a herald dressed in a plain white button-up and beige trousers with frilled edges.

A young man with shimmering orange hair stepped out of the carriage, aided by the Marked—identifiable by the branding on the backs of their necks. It was said to be a blessing to be marked by the Revered. Sian thought that was foolish. Who would willingly become the property of another, no matter the promised rewards in the pantheon or treasures in this life?

Everyone in the area including Sian, Grandpa Tui, and Shefa bowed until Alexander commanded them to stand and go about there business.

“As you heard, my name is Alexander Blyth of the 98th House, blessed by the Great One,” he declared in a stern yet immature voice. “I am currently in search of those who wish to be branded in my house’s name. Your family will receive great treasures. You yourself will be considered second only to the Revered and will be blessed by the Great One once you reach the pantheon. All who wish to receive, please step forward for your test.” The test was simply an up and down scan from the Revered, with not much thought to go with on how each individual was assessed.

“Here they go again” said Shefa. The Revered have been sending over there young ones to build some sort army for themselves, they do keep their promises of treasures to the family, but I have a gut feeling about these things and I don't trust what's happening under some of these houses” She turned her head towards Sian “The Blyth house does have a good reputation though, if you want to get yourself branded” “I can't let go of Sian even to a Revered” said Grandpa Tui interrupted “However, Blessed be to those are the Marked Sulta” “Sulta, indeed” Shefa replied. “Yeah, as great as the rewards sound, I don't think I would be a fan of being Marked. I sort of like my neck the way it is” Sian said. “Your grandson has a good head on him, so do you for a couple of Nieas” Shefa said.

Grandpa Tui stopped listening to the conversation between Shefa and Sian, as it was Sian's turn to receive some of Shefa’s market wisdom, and headed towards the Revered’s carriage with cloth in hand. He made his way through the crowd of people who flocked to be a part of the Revered’s house. The clamour of the crowd and the ridicule of an old man approaching a Revered did not bother Grandpa Tui. He strode through the crowd with intent. He was going to make his dream come true—to sell to a Revered. Suddenly, *thud* he was stopped by the footman from earlier. He had to look up to meet the man’s brown eyes. He was a couple of feet away from the Revered, who was making his inspection of the crowd of people, and tried to side step the Footman.

“Please do not get closer, as official business of the Revered is being conducted,” said the footman.

The footman towered over Grandpa Tui and started shoving him back to the stall. “Please give me a chance to talk to those blessed by the Almighty.”

The footman continued to abruptly press Grandpa Tui back until he fell upon the floor. The corn he held in hand rolled off onto the dirt floor and cracked beneath the feet of the crowd.

“Grandpa, are you alright!” Sian said, rushing to pick his grandpa up to his feet.

“My apologies for my grandpa’s missteps,” said Sian with a bow.

“At least you know your manners,” the footman said with a sigh of relief. He took off his green feather cap to scratch at his short, buzzed hair. “Sorry, sir, for the shove. Please have a good day.”

“No, I apologize,” Grandpa said shakily. “I got carried away.”

Sian and Grandpa Tui walked back to the stall. “Sir..? Now why did he do that?” thought Sian. As they walked, Sian noticed the corn Grandpa Tui dropped, which had been smashed by the feet and sandals of the crowd. And there again was that light, which flashed and muted itself.

Chapter 2: The Inn

“So where are you guys going to stay, its getting dark, there may be an inn about a ways down if you can catch them before the 8th hour.” Shefa pointed towards the way to the inn. “I can't thank you enough for your kindness” said Grandpa Tui, packing up the remaining materials. “Yes Yes, you've been so nice to us Shefa, our gratitudes” said Sian. “Don't take my kindness out of good will, I see a future in you two in these markets, Even though you're Nieas, I expect great things” Shefa responded “Great things you shall receive!” He said slyly, "We'll be back next week don't you worry” A wave from a burly man beckoned Shefa back, probably her husband, Sian thought.

The two made their way to the inn, pushing open the door with no nob. The innkeeper's eyes flicked with a happy surprise as she saw them walking in, but turned sour at a closer inspection of the pair. “What are you Nieas doing here, you're going to scare away my customers, I have nothing free to give away either” He clamoured waving them away. He was a spindly looking man, eyes tuat with frustration. “Tui and my grandson Sian of the Niea sect, were he-” before Grandpa Tui could continue further, “Poloka of the Ngos, and your makeshift sandals and patchwork clothing, isn't going to make it far here.” Poloka said abruptly. “Looks like it would fit this place fine” Sian thought, scanning the wooden hut looking as though it came out of a battle, as the carpets were slashed, wood dangled, and paintings draped. “Sir, I assure you we have enough soom for a night, we’re headed back to Phaithu as soon as it hits the 6th hour.” Sian said, jingling their sack of coins they made in the day's sales.

The mood in the man changed as quickly as a rabbit during crop season. “Apologies for my behavior, as you can see I have been burdened by some patrons earlier today, please let me show you to your stay.” said Poloka, “we have some market materials we left at the front door as well” said Grandpa Tui “Dont mind, I will put them in my safe keepings, were you selling at the market perhaps?” “By the blessing of the Great One, we were, Sulta” Grandpa Tui said. “Sulta.” He responded “I would truly love to listen to how that occurred, but it is getting rather late” Poloka hurried us towards and our room and began quickly for the our materials at the front door. “These things really do talk don't they Grandpa.” Sian said pointing at the sack of coins “Of course they do, it was created by the Revered.”

The room consisted of two beds uplifed with a frame, including a shutter outlooking the full moon. “Wow!” Sian said with wonder “First time not sleeping on the floor and the blankets are woven nicely too, Grandma Mei should learn this stitching pattern.” “Our family is about to live grand Sian, we just have to keep selling properly and the Great One will bring countless blessings through the Revered” “I can't wait, I'll make sure to help extra hard during the next crop season, after today” Sian responded testing the cushions of the bed.

Sian and Grandpa Tui both began to settled themselves into their room. Before they went to sleep l, Grandpa Tui began with his night's prayer. Sian and the Family all followed the teachings of the Great One taught in the Laibu Scriptures, but Grandpa Tui embodied the teachings through his mind, body, and soul. As not to take any blessings from the Great One through the Revered for granted.

“Oh Great One, the blessings we have felt today and the strength you have given us the deeply tarnished, I cherish. The revered you have placed for us muddied, have created roads to make travel easier for us, made a market place for folks to sell, and gifted us Nieas with the honor of selling in their presence. We are dirty and unclean, but you chose to keep blessing us still. My life and devotion to you and the Revered is but a tiny spec in the cosm of you and the Revereds Glory. For tomorrow, please revitalize us with the same strength as we trek back to Phaithu, and bless as further in our lives. I give my all to you and your people as the same have been given to me and my family. For the blessings of the Great One Comes from those Revered, Sulta”

“Sulta.” Sian said in unison. Sian followed Grandpa Tui's prayer with a short and simpler one in his mind. Whether he believed in it or not, it had seemed to work for Grandpa Tui, and it probably would work for him too, he thought. “Goodnight Grandpa” “Goodnight” Grandpa Tui responded. Right before they went off to bed Sian noticed again a slight pulsing glow, but this time it surrounded his Grandpa and faded as quickly as it came. He ignored it once more, “probably the moonlight” he thought and went to sleep.

“Blessed, no please I do not have enough to make the necessary repairs, again” begged Poloka. Then came a heavy crash that startled both Sian and Tui awake. “What could be happening down there?” said Sian, jumping to get on his feet. “We barely got a wink of rest, whos causing such a commotion" Grandpa Tui said sternly. Sian headed out the room door and was met with a long haired black haired man trashing about with his sword. There were two accompanying guards, but all they did was watch as the man stormed about. Poloka stood behind his counter with cries, but did nothing to contain the man. “Why is a Revered, acting in such a manner” Grandpa Tui shockingly whispered. Sian glanced beside him and saw Grandpa Tui in shock by the actions of a Revered. The Revered shot a glance at the two and Sian was met with the revered’s piercing red eyes, accompanied by an insurmountable choking pressure. For a moment Sian felt entranced, unable to move, it was as if nails bolted him down to the wooden floor boards.

Sian's guts told him, run, RUN NOW. His legs started before his mind could think. He took Grandpa Tui by the arms and charged them back into the room. “Grandpa we we need to go now, we can umm climb out this window and I remember a ladder by the roof” Sian asserted sporadically and began collecting their belongings. From the distance, the Revered commanded “Guards, Get those two up there now!” “Let's go, Grandpa” as Sian glanced back at his Grandpa, he had not moved from his place. Grandpa Tui stood, took a deep breath, and said “Blessed are the Revered, and there should be nothing to worried about Sian, there must be a proper explanation” “Grandpa you felt that too right, I just know we have to leave, please we can't go down there”

But it was futile, the Guards were already at their door. Grandpa Tui calmly opened the door “Tui and my grandson Sian of the Nieas sect, apologies for our rudeness, how may we be of service?” “Please follow us” said a guard and the two followed along.

Each foot step down felt like it was weighed down by lumber for Sian as they made their way over to where the Revered stood. The revered are the Great Ones people, they embodied Benevolence, Majesty, and Sovereignty and this man contained none of it. He was indeed a Revered without a doubt, evident by his overflowing hair, fur draping his shoulders and a sword crested with Great One’s lion head. “So you both just saw that display” he said with a pause. He seemed to have elegance, but then again none at all.“Now what to do, 🤔” The revered, now standing in front of Sian, face was short and had a youth to it, making Sian believe they were relative in age. His clean shaven face was a contrast to Sian's recently growing stubbles. The Revered continued pacing back and forth, “At least at this old man still knows good manners” Grandpa Tui had his body bowed and both knees on the floor more in the traditional ways taught in the Laibu when formally showing respect to a Revered, while Sian simply kneeled and bowed his head. The wood beneath the man’s feet seemed to give way with each of his steps and his mere presence pressed upon Sian's very soul.

“Now tell me what did you see?” He directed at Grandpa Tui in a detached manner. “Tui and Sian of the Nieas se-” Smack! “Did I give you permission to speak, and here I thought you knew the traditions” Sian lurched over to check on his grandfather, knocked down by the force to his cheek. Sian glared up at the Revered, “Blessed, what have we done wrong to you” he said as humbly as he could muster. “Sometimes wrong place at the wrong time is enough of a transgression” he replied in that same detached tone. “Guards” he commanded “Slit there eyes, they cannot say they saw anything if they no longer have eyes to see.” The guards hesitated slightly at the request before stepping forward towards the duo. At the same time Sian hurdled his body at the two guard coming behind him, “Grandpa, Get Out of Here!” He screamed as the Guards toppled on to the floor. Grandpa Tui was still adgile for his age and Sian knew there may be a chance for him to make it pass the Revered in front of him. Please Grandpa you can make it out of here for us, a silent plea he made in his mind. Sian grabbed ahold of both of the guards legs, hugging them immobile. He looked towards his Grandpa’s direction hoping to see him making his escape. But Grandpa Tui remained in his spot as before, back into that same traditional bow. Sian arms loosened and his body shriveled, letting the two guards rip free. “Blessed, I humbly beg for forgiveness for any of our trans- transgressions” he stuttered trying to repeat the Revered’s word, “my grandson has recently reached the age of 17 it would ruin his future to lose his eyes, please do anything of me, but spare my poor boy.” The guards shoved him back next to his Grandfather. One of the guards lifted up his sword and the other began to restrain Sian with metal cuffs and held Sian still. Suddenly, they both paused for a moment and the guard released Sian from his gripe. Sian looked up and saw that the Revered had raised his hand to signaling the men away. “Please state your names for me and from where do you originate" said the Revered. “T-Tui and m-m- my um grandson Sian, and we're from the village of Phaithu, Blessed” Grandpa Tui voice sputtered until regaining it's calm. “Thank You for that, I am Lancaster Ralien of the 20th House, blessed by the Great One, I am in need of some aid for my house and your boy here might be able to assist me.” his eyes scan up and down at Sian, “Yes, he is quite fine.” he said slyly. Sian and Grandpa Tui glanced at one another. “Blessed, if I may, what might that mean”, Grandpa Tui asked. “Branded, Riches, Honor, Service” he said tiredly. “I humbly refuse” said Sian. “So you would rather be blinded” “I refused that as well” Sian was met with the force of Lancaster's boot to the side of his stomach dropping him to the ground. “A little attitude adjustment may be needed, but that can be a problem for someone else.” “Blessed, I beg you, please take me instead” “I really have no use for someone like you, guards bring me the stamp” one of the guards opened a pouch on his hip and brought out a heavy steel stamp engraved with the Ralien house, handing it to Lancaster. In his hand, the base of the stamp began to heat up. “Here, Tui was it? Stamp your grandson for me, this is a command by a Revered.” A shock ran through both their spines. “Please sir, I - I am unable, I will give you my life and soul, but don't take my grandson” Grandpa Tui began to grovel and beg for the mercy of the revered. “A Revered has commanded you, do you not honor the Great One?” “I li-live my life for the Great One and the Revered, but pl-please have some mercy” Grandpa Tui was in an uncontrollable state of shock, he shakes were so fierce it irrated Lancaster and he kicked Grandpa Tui several times boom. Thud. Thud. for him to stop shaking. Grandpa Tui heaved and coughed at each swift kick.“Just brand your grandson” “Pick up the stamp” “Do it! Do it!” he demanded. Unable to be a witness any longer, Sian took in a breath to stop his own tremblings knowing he had to do something, anything. But what in damnation was going on right now he thought, what did he or Grandpa Tui do to deserve any of this that was happening. They merely observed a man flail around in a childish tirade, and this is their consequence? After another kick Grandpa Tui kept groveling and begging for Lancaster's Mercy. Just as the Revered was about to deliver another blow to Grandpa Tui, “Blessed!” Sian stated, “If you continue to abuse my grandfather in such a manner, I will bite my own tongue and will become of zero use to you.” Lancaster paused his next kick intrigued to see what Sian would say next. “I will come with you willingly and obediently if you promise to give my family riches, and please give my grandfather three soom in exchange for my life.” making that statement especially in front of a Revered took all the mental capacity Sian possessed. The room fell deafly silent at Sian’s outburst, then - Lancaster began to laugh. “For a Niea, you do have some gull,” he said. Lancaster immediately tossed three coins, each worth one soom next to Grandpa Tui “Blessed, he's being foolish, take me instead,” insisted Grandpa Tui. Lancaster, ignoring Grandpa Tui’s cries, took his stamp and pressed it upon Sian's neck, Sian screamed in agony as the Steel etched the Ralien insignia upon him. Tears drooped down Sian’s eyes, but he smiled towards his grandfather as he tried to claw his way past the two guards who apparently had a wall to prevent Grandpa Tui from interfering. “Innkeeper, bring that mop bucket and pour it over my new servent here, I do not want him passing out on me just yet.” Poloka who has been standing witnessing the occasion, did as told. The mop water was a gush of relief from the seathing pain. “Get up, we must get going now” Lancaster said, and Sian got up just as told as his neck wound pulsated to the temple of his head. Sian turned before leaving facing his defeated Grandfather, “I'll be fine Grandpa, so will everyone at home too, and we made your dreams come true didn't we?” Sian said with a worn smile. Bursting through the Guards, Grandpa Tui gave Sian a warm embrace. “I love you, and don't worry I'm sure everything will be fine” Grandpa Tui wiped the tears from Sian’s eyes “Your such a wonderful man now making my dreams come true out of all things, The Great One be with you” Sian nodded,"Remember Sian, We are here to serve okay, for the blessing of the Great One Comes from those Revered” he said weakly not knowing whether or not to believe in his own words. “I love you Grandpa, and everyone at home tell them I'll be doing grander things now” Sian began to choke up unable to form anymore words. “I almost forgot about that matter, Poloka keep to their items so that these folks family are taken care of under the Ralien name” said Lancaster, “I will need some sort of identification so the correct Niea family receives compensation” “Blessed, I appreciate your kindness” Grandpa Tui said composing himself and leaving their embrace, “But, I alone will be able to figure wealth distribution for the family, no need to waste a Revered's resource.” Lancaster paid no mind to Grandpa Tui’s remark. “Also remember, that this day, the Ralien family has taken in two Nieas.” Lancaster began unsheathing his sword and jab it towards Grandpa Tui. The sword tip connected with Grandpa Tui’ neck piercing it way through skin and muscles. The blood oozed out of his neck as Grandpa Tui reached out for Sian in his final moments. Sian eyes met his as the life left his body. Sian froze in place watching his grandfather drop down lifeless onto the floor. “You!” Sian screamed charging himself at Lancaster, with a fire stronger than hell itself. Sian's movement was halted as Both of the guards grabbed ahold Sian and constrained him to the ground with stomach on floor. Lancaster made his way towards Sian and said “who are you to make demands of me?” Before knocking Sian unconscious.

Sian later woke up tied to the back of a horse with only the blur of a single Sign left at the front door of the inn stating Fresh Corn, underneath 3 soom, before going unconscious once more.

Please make trains again 😭