u/Rcrez

lets say my partner (N DX ) should be in bed but is losing track of time on social media or Youtube. i know if they don't, it will be bad the next day. i want to give a gentle reminder, but in the past i don't get much of a response.

is there anything that could work in this situation? just boundaries or anything that can nudge them to do the right thing?

My Fidelity checking/money market account has my name and my partner's name on it. We recently created a trust and my insurance company wrote a check written to the trust. We're unable to cash it because of the mismatch. How do I deal with this? Should I rename my Fidelity account to the trust? If so, would that create problems for cashing checks written to just nem or my partner?

My Fidelity checking/money market account has my name and my partner's name on it. We recently created a trust and my insurance company wrote a check written to the trust. We're unable to cash it because of the mismatch. How do I deal with this? Should I rename my Fidelity account to the trust? If so, would that create problems for cashing checks written to just nem or my partner?

Detected chrysotile in wipe testing at my home

I bought a 1960s home a few months ago and did renovations/repairs including new HVAC, tankless water heater, electrical, pluming, fireplace, lights, kitchen and garage.

After all that I had a company test for asbestos. The air test got 1200 liters over 2 hours, analyzed an area of 0.065 mm\^2 with an analytic sensitivity of 0.0049 S/cc and the asbestos concentration of S/mm\^2 was less than 15 and S/cc < 0.0049. I don't know what that mean but the report says Air Lab results: None Detected.

However, the wipe lab results says Chrysotile. The comments include Interior Horizontal Surfaces and D. Mount (Qualitative). Analysis type is AHERA and Air,BULK.

So I have no asbestos in the air but there is on the dust along horizontal surfaces? What I'm wondering is how much? A little? A lot? Exactly where? The report doesn't say.

How should I interpret all the results and what should I do?

I bought a 1960s home a few months ago and did renovations/repairs including new HVAC, tankless water heater, electrical, pluming, fireplace, lights, kitchen and garage.

After all that I had a company test for asbestos. The air test got 1200 liters over 2 hours, analyzed an area of 0.065 mm^2 with an analytic sensitivity of 0.0049 S/cc and the asbestos concentration of S/mm^2 was less than 15 and S/cc < 0.0049. I don't know what that mean but the report says Air Lab results: None Detected.

However, the wipe lab results says Chrysotile. The comments include Interior Horizontal Surfaces and D. Mount (Qualitative). Analysis type is AHERA and Air,BULK.

So I have no asbestos in the air but there is on the dust along horizontal surfaces? What I'm wondering is how much? A little? A lot? Exactly where? The report doesn't say.

How should I interpret all the results and what should I do?

Wife had the insight to share that many of her day to day experiences line up with ADHD. As more of her behaviors made sense to me, I started finding them intolerable. I’m hoping someone in this forum with experience can help guide how I approach this. Layered on top of all these is that we also have 2 kids under 5 which can dramatically increase our stress and fatigue. Here are some of the top categories of frustrations

1. Procrastination / time blindness - Okay so she’s almost always 15 minutes late to appointments and scrambling at the last minute. However, thats just part of it. I’m also frustrated that she won’t listen to me when I say now is the time to get started on something if we want to try to be ready or complete on time. In the evening, if I’m doing the dishes, I start right away so I can get to bed on time. If she’s said she would do the dishes, she’ll scroll mindlessly on her phone for a couple of hours until it gets unreasonably late and then start. At that point she’ll be super tired, grumpy and tired the next morning. If I gently nudge her to start, she will kind of ignore me. I tried to understand why she wants to be on the phone first for so long. She told me she’s just waiting for the time to pass, the urgency to kick in so she can start. Scrolling on the phone is just to avoid falling asleep. I said, if you’re tired why not just go to bed and volunteered to do the dishes. She said she didn’t want to and would just do the dishes. I find myself having a hard time being in the same space as her when doomscrolling. It just seems like a colossal waste of time when we have dishes and another things we need to do. 
2. Low productivity - I work full time and she has the kids a small part of the week (like one or both of them up to a couple hours during the day), the rest of the time they’re in school or daycare and she gets free time. She’s told me she can’t handle the kids all day so hence the most of the time daycare schedule. During the day it’s grocery shopping, laundry, going to the gym, spending time with friends and attending church. I get resentful at what seems like a pretty easy life. As a result I kind of am trying to demand for more help on nights and weekends, but those times are kind of littered with chaos too. My wife will want breaks during nights and weekends and might get overwhelmed and then leave me with the kids. She’s usually there, but sometimes just totally wiped out. So overall frustrated that she’s not a high economic contributor to the household either through watching the kids or holding a job. She has held jobs before we had kids, but they were low income and low stress. In all cases she got bored after a year or so and quit. 
3. Lack of follow through when it comes to her agreements with me - Her emotions change quickly and that can mean a lack of follow through on her promises with me. Common scenarios is like we agreed to do this at a certain time, maybe watch TV after kids are in bed. Her mood changes and then it doesn’t happen. Or maybe she wants me to come back home earlier so she can go to the grocery store. I do that and her mood changes and she’s no longer interested.
4. Emotional dysregulation and intensity - When she’s anxious or stressed, it comes out as strong anger and irritability. She actually needs gentle empathy, but as the anger comes out I’m feeling anxious and stressed and I’m triggered to get into fight mode. When I’m triggered, I might expressed the same frustration back or say the thing she’s irritated about (often it is something I did) its unjustified. This escalates the conversation.

 

So I really want to work on things and really cherish the family I have. I really want to know how to better support her and also deal with my own frustrations. She is n dx, but strongly resonates with symptoms of ADHD. She has tried an assessment but came out negative, but was on the cusp of it, like borderline.

If we tell our almost 5 year old to clean up the living room or go to the bathroom to brush teeth, she won't. kind of just sits around and ignores us. The only thing that works is to forcibly move her and at the same time escalating our voice.

When she's at school, she's actually quite good about cleaning up when the teacher says to. We've also seen her very diligently and intensely clean up the living room at home or instantly go to the bathroom, but those are usually rare cases. Like the motivation has to be something really exciting.

We've tried to ask our daughter why she doesn't listen to us. She says she plugs her hears and proceeded to press her finger on her ear. I know she doesn't literally do that but maybe in her head she's ignoring us. I asked why and U said that is disrespectful to do to anyone. She says she doesn't know.

On the mother's day card, my daughter wrote (dad wrote the letters while the 5 year old dictated): "I try to listen and follow what you say." We were all touched by what she wrote. So why doesn't she actually follow through.