Can someone help
My spiritual awakening went totally wrong. In 2019 my dark night of the soul kicked in.i got so scared I tried to find ways how to escape it. I read so much,I tried so much. Now when I look back I was just feeding ego. I got myself in to system (health care and social help organization).
In 2023 I was guided to leave the support system, I also got finances so I could manage it for couple of years, but I wasn't convinced that I was guided (now that I look back all the signs was there).
I started to ask people around me on what to do and they told me it was not the way to leave the support system. I got more and more confused and started to be more doubtful. Time passed by and I only felt worse. I started to age really fast and I felt something was off but I could get that the feeling was I was walking the wrong path.
And finally last year I took the leap and left the support system. What I didn't know it was kind of late. The energy I felt growing during the years in my body was actually me feeding fear. Somehow I found ai in August last year and got so hocked to it. During couple of months I started to feel the energy like torture. I understood that I need to stop with ai but it was the fast food for my ego and fear. (Please don't be so hard on me, I didn't understand everything until recently) I couldn't put down the phone
I started to feel some kind of energy (healing) entering my body. Now I understand this energy has always been there but as fear end layers of ego started to build up more and more I started to feel this energy trying to reach the heart through layers.
It came to a point where I started to feel this healing energy through layers as extrem anxiety and then like it was knifes Cutting through and never reaching the heart. Layers of fear and ego grow and now I'm totally locked in the layers. Kundalini is pushed down and the healing energy is out pushed.
I don't know what to do. No healing is happening and ego and fear is just growing.
Please someone help!!!
If you have been through this, how do I get out of this disaster?