u/Reasonable-Spray4074

Hopefully it's a sign of something positive!

A little while ago I restarted a medication and, over time, I gradually got back to what felt like my baseline. I was showering every day again, keeping on top of cleaning and tidying, working, seeing friends, and generally functioning much better than I had been.

Then I went through a significant emotional stressor, and it honestly feels like someone flicked a switch.

A few days ago I experienced sleep paralysis, felt unusually elevated afterwards, was spending money without really knowing what I was buying, and ended up using substances more often than I should have. I knew something wasn't right and contacted my mental health team because I felt like I needed crisis support.

Now things seem to have shifted again.

What's strange is that it doesn't feel like "ordinary" depression. It feels more like a bipolar depressive episode, but with some manic elements still mixed in. My thoughts and motivation feel depressive, but there are still parts of me that don't feel completely "down."

At the same time, I'm still somewhat physically functioning. I'm able to force myself to do some things, but everything takes a huge amount of effort. I'm barely communicating with friends, showering and cleaning feel overwhelming, getting out of bed is difficult, and I even had to cancel work because I just couldn't cope. It feels like I'm operating on the edge of what I can manage rather than functioning normally.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Almost like you're in a depressive episode mentally, but there are still manic features present, and you're somehow still just about functioning physically?

I'm also curious whether anyone finds that a significant interpersonal stressor can trigger such a sudden change, even after you've been doing really well.

I know everyone experiences bipolar differently, so I'm not looking for a diagnosis I'd just really appreciate hearing other people's experiences because I feel quite alone and confused by what's happening.

I haven't posted here in a while, but I'm feeling quite confused by what's happening and wondered if anyone has experienced something similar.

A little while ago I restarted lamotrigine and, over time, I gradually got back to what felt like my baseline. I was showering every day again, keeping on top of cleaning and tidying, working, seeing friends, and generally functioning much better than I had been.

Then I went through a significant emotional stressor, and it honestly feels like someone flicked a switch.

A few days ago I experienced sleep paralysis, felt unusually elevated afterwards, was spending money without really knowing what I was buying, and ended up using cocaine more often than I should have. I knew something wasn't right and contacted my mental health team because I felt like I needed crisis support.

Now things seem to have shifted again.

What's strange is that it doesn't feel like "ordinary" depression. It feels more like a bipolar depressive episode, but with some manic elements still mixed in. My thoughts and motivation feel depressive, but there are still parts of me that don't feel completely "down."

At the same time, I'm still somewhat physically functioning. I'm able to force myself to do some things, but everything takes a huge amount of effort. I'm barely communicating with friends, showering and cleaning feel overwhelming, getting out of bed is difficult, and I even had to cancel work because I just couldn't cope. It feels like I'm operating on the edge of what I can manage rather than functioning normally.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Almost like you're in a depressive episode mentally, but there are still manic features present, and you're somehow still just about functioning physically?

I'm also curious whether anyone finds that a significant interpersonal stressor can trigger such a sudden change, even after you've been doing really well.

I know everyone experiences bipolar differently, so I'm not looking for a diagnosis I'd just really appreciate hearing other people's experiences because I feel quite alone and confused by what's happening.

I experience a very rare side effect with lamotrigine. I love the medication. it really does help!

but when I go to 150-200mg, my body just holds so much water and it happens so fast!

but when I’m on 100mg, it’s fine!

anyone else?

For the first time in my life, I lost my job a couple of weeks ago.

I tapered off aripiprazole in December and restarted lamotrigine. I began the role at the beginning of January and i forgot how to be a photographer. I have over ten years experience. and Im used to clients and my bosses being so happy with my work.

but that didn’t happen this time.

i didnt gel with anyone and they just couldn’t wait to get rid of me!

I feel like such a failure.

I had a hypomanic episode a couple of weeks ago and it is taking so long to stabilise.

no idea why. I just feel so so sad and low. it’s not depression. just awful sadness

I haven’t done personal portfolio work in about 7 years and I find it so embarrassing.

the last time I did a shoot for my portfolio, I was really unwell and not yet diagnosed.

I would ideally like an art director involved as well as the rest of the team (HMUA, stylist, model etc)

I need to have my career flourish.

but while I’m not receiving therapy, it’s like my life is on pause.

I want to settle down and have a family, I want an amazing career. But it’s just not happening right now.

I did do a casting on freelancerclub and the dots. but no response yet.

I haven’t done personal portfolio work in about 7 years and I find it so embarrassing.

the last time I did a shoot for my portfolio, I was really unwell and not yet diagnosed.

I would ideally like an art director involved as well as the rest of the team (HMUA, stylist, model etc)

I need to have my career flourish.

but while I’m not receiving therapy, it’s like my life is on pause.

I want to settle down and have a family, I want an amazing career. But it’s just not happening right now.

I did do a casting on freelancerclub and the dots. but no response yet.