u/Remarkable-Tailor510

Honestly did not think will get here to type the win. It's a success. I was reading a book until I fell asleep. In my mind the target is only reach day 4. I was on day 2 yesterday and I was strongly focused on that. Even when thoughts of Day 6 or 10 came by. I changed my focus to my current goal and target. Complete day 4 from day 2. 50% achieved.

I am happy. Mentally slightly drained. I understood one thing. This could be what leading thinkers say about focusing on the goal not the obstacles. When the mind is fully set on the goal, like 100% set on the goal. Then if we maintain that 100% focus on the goal, we can put the doubts down and refocus on the target. Then go towards that target itself.

Big idea to think more.

Super. I did not think I would be able to do this. Plus last night I also finished reading a book that I had been reading for some time.

I don't regret giving in. I am not elated like I was yesterday. More calm, quietly happy and peaceful.

It's time to set the new goal to be Day 4. From day 2 to Day 4. This is important because for some time, which feels like a long time, I had been stuck in relapses, binging etc. and doing it every night. This is important.

Day 2 to Day 4

Surprisingly I hav hit the 1 day mark. 50% towards my 2 day goal. I am 100% set on completing 2 days. I feel more energetic and better than the day before. This is the way to go. Not the lifestyle of being stuck and trapped and suffering with lack of energy and no motivation.

This is a big achievement. Because all I could do was complete 1 day and I completed it. On to day 2

I have been trapped in a cycle of relapses recently. The shame of breaking my promises to myself. My pride shattered like a broken glass, for not keeping my promises made on online forums.

What I need is thoughtful engagement in real life. Forgive myself. Clear my slate. Look ahead to what is possible. Not to overwhelm myself. Think positive. Negative thinking is second nature to me. Especially towards myself.

Day 0 away from watching Pornography. I resolve once again to commit and journal on my Mac and post here as well as and when I see it worthwhile to do so. Ideally once every 24-36 hours

I am fasting today. Al Hamdu Lillah. It is early morning now. I will be taking a nap after some time. Today I have also put a leave from work. Which is a good thing. So I can unwind and refresh.

I was afraid that I might end up watching Haram stuff and playing with myself and end up wasting the holiday being high unproductive. Yet, that was not the case. Off to a good start.

Looking forward to posting more here and moving away from the Haram deed of watching Haram and playing with oneself.

I recited the Holy Quran until I felt sleepy. Then I stopped and I am typing this to stay committed to this journey of self purifcation. The scary part is that I had been addicted to in the past, and I must be very cautious in staying away from the Haram acts and also staying away from the acts that lead to Haram acts. Which include reducing screen time, avoiding unnecessary doom scrolling, surfing the web aimlessly, or late at night. Or surfing the net when my emotions are at the weakest.

It's time to begin new. Nothing much to add. Time to take this seriously and follow through. And come out of this trapping cycle.

As a first step I have decided to post here daily every day for some time early in the morning