u/Remarkable_Tea3913

I have been dating someone for about 4 months (we’re both 30). Overall, things have been going well. We see each other often, sleep over at each other’s places, text every day, he’s affectionate, shares his work and his day with me, and generally makes me feel included in his life.

The problem is that I recently realized (with my therapist) that I have pretty strong anxious attachment.

My mind is constantly looking for signs that something is about to go wrong. If he takes longer to reply, I wonder if he’s losing interest. If he decides to stay home and rest, I wonder if he doesn’t want to see me.

Another thing that gets to me is that he occasionally talks about an ex-boyfriend, and I believe they’re still friends. He doesn’t bring him up obsessively, but whenever he comes up, I catch myself wanting to be “better than the ex,” which I know isn’t a healthy mindset. I also talk about past relationships sometimes.

My therapist pointed out something that really stuck with me: my fear of abandonment often makes me interpret neutral situations as evidence that I’m about to be abandoned.

How do you tell the difference between genuine intuition and anxious attachment creating stories?

I’d especially appreciate hearing from people who have struggled with anxious attachment or have dated someone who has.

I have been dating someone for about 4 months (we’re both M, 30). Overall, things have been going well. We see each other often, sleep over at each other’s places, text every day, he’s affectionate, shares his work and his day with me, and generally makes me feel included in his life.

The problem is that I recently realized (with my therapist) that I have pretty strong anxious attachment.

My mind is constantly looking for signs that something is about to go wrong. If he takes longer to reply, I wonder if he’s losing interest. If he decides to stay home and rest, I wonder if he doesn’t want to see me.

Another thing that gets to me is that he occasionally talks about an ex-boyfriend, and I believe they’re still friends. He doesn’t bring him up obsessively, but whenever he comes up, I catch myself wanting to be “better than the ex,” which I know isn’t a healthy mindset. I also talk about past relationships sometimes.

My therapist pointed out something that really stuck with me: my fear of abandonment often makes me interpret neutral situations as evidence that I’m about to be abandoned.

How do you tell the difference between genuine intuition and anxious attachment creating stories?

I’d especially appreciate hearing from people who have struggled with anxious attachment or have dated someone who has.