u/Remote_Peace_3510

When I close my eyes. I see yours looking up at me. Those green eyes pierced my soul. Soften my scarred, and stony heart. In those moments you were the only thing that truly mattered. How badly I wanted to maintain your gaze upon me. To hold you in my arms, and kiss your forehead. It’s been far too long now. You were my weakness, I removed my armor, and laid it to rest at your feet. Discarded my helmet to see you more clearly. Sheathed my sword, and dagger so you’d fear me not. This is why true love is so fragile, why fear grows so intensely, and why nothing hurts like love. I am forever changed. I’d hoped to have held your hand through this season. Instead I’m only left with a transient ghostly presence. I still feel you through the ether.

I’m feeling numb. I’ve picked up my armor, my helmet, my sword, and dagger. Maybe to never remove it again. It’s only love that can hurt like this.

I’d like to rest without this ghostly visage of your beautiful green eyes gazing up at me. Without the cobble stone streets in my minds eye. The fleeting smell of the Baltic in my nostrils. A peripheral glimpse of you in my passenger seat. Without your spirit visiting me in my sleep.

Perhaps I do not. Alas I must retire this softened heart, and return to the world of men.

Wishing your head was on my chest. That my fingers were gently caressing your arm. The way your milky white skin glows in the moonlight. How you sigh when I kiss the back of your neck. You’d finally relax, and sink into me.

Wish things were different sweetheart. Hope you know I’ve forgiven you. The light is still on, for now.

You’re often in my mind in the waking moments. I reach for my phone in my sleep. Waking up to, I love you, I’m grateful for you every morning must be seared into my nervous system. My special girl.

Missing you this morning. Wish things were different. Wish we could meet in Edinburgh like we talked about so long ago.

Hey Sweetheart.

Somehow a reel of you popped in through my feed. I’ve got you muted. I guess reposts still show up. You were in Iceland. In a beautiful white dress atop a snow covered hillside. Laughing and smiling.

It was good to see you happy. Even though I’m still hurting. Just glad you’re surrounded by people that care about you, and you’re in good spirits.

I always believed in my heart of hearts we would find each other again. Like a deep knowing. An understanding that defies logic, but perhaps I was wrong.

Something about it still feels wrong. The weird circumstances that brought us together. Are actually sort of insane if you think. Especially getting that beer in Kentucky sharing it on my story. Leading to chit chatting because it was made in your home town thousands of miles away in a little Baltic nation. I asked them this time last year about it. They said they only got one shipment, and may never get one again.

Not hearing from the woman I carried to bed, read folk tales to before sleep. Danced in the kitchen with. Kissed in the rain. We were both there for each other on our worst days, and cheered on our best days.

It feels wrong. I think I said that shortly after we went separate ways. This feels wrong. To me, at least it still feels wrong.

I hope you know how special you are to me. I wish things were different.

Maybe I’ll find someone in the coming months that I feel like is worth engaging with. I’m gently putting my feet into the dating pool. It feels shallow, and once again wrong.

I hope where ever you are, you’re genuinely happy. I hope you feel loved one day, and it doesn’t make you want to run.

-An Old Wolf

I always believed in my heart of hearts we would find each other again. Like a deep knowing. An understanding that defies logic, but perhaps I was wrong.

Something about it still feels wrong. The weird circumstances that brought us together. Are actually sort of insane if you think. Especially getting that beer in Kentucky sharing it on my story. Leading to chit chatting because it was made in your home town thousands of miles away in a little Baltic nation. I asked them this time last year about it. They said they only got one shipment, and may never get one again.

Not hearing from the woman I carried to bed, read folk tales to before sleep. Danced in the kitchen with. Kissed in the rain. We were both there for each other on our worst days, and cheered on our best days.

It feels wrong. I think I said that shortly after we went separate ways. This feels wrong. To me, at least it still feels wrong.

I hope you know how special you are to me. I wish things were different.

Maybe I’ll find someone in the coming months that I feel like is worth engaging with. I’m gently putting my feet into the dating pool. It feels shallow, and once again wrong.

I hope where ever you are, you’re genuinely happy. I hope you feel loved one day, and it doesn’t make you want to run.

-An Old Wolf