u/Responsible-Zebra941

Its like everyone is moving on with their lives while im stuck unemployed, with zero intimate relationships and still living with my family.. I feel so stupid since even my best friend can have a boyfriend, a stable job and lives independently from her relatives..

Sometimes i think "why did i have to be born, just to live like a complete failure?!" , i know that as i have autism and a mild social anxiety i have to be more patient/gentle with myself, but i still cant help having these uncomfortable feelings.. i just wanna die already, why its taking too long.. i have tried at 17 and failed, but now i get so guilty of even wanting to try again as my mom and gradma would be so destroyed by my self-inflicted demise.. idk what else i can do

Well, what the title says! Now that i am not in the middle of a limerent episode, i dont feel attracted to anybody anymore.. i am autistic, so of course that was gonna influence the way i feel and think about human relationships.. the thing is im worried and sad that this can mean that i will be forever alone, as i couldnt have anything with my los (they were always unavailable to me) and my friends/some relatives have real partners and are not paying me much attention any longer.

Its like im damned to be stuck in a life and place i dont really like but i cant get out of! I cant be normal, no matter how hard i try. And everything started because i wanted to heal my mental health. Will i only be aromantic, this is it? Will i only know loneliness and disappointment? idk i needed to vent..

I never thought I can feel so bad because of her getting a boyfriend, it makes me feel like a hateful loser. All I ever wanted was somebody to love me and I can’t even get that.
I want to cut her off my life, but I feel so guilty about doing that as she did nothing wrong to me. This is also a long term friendship, which makes things worse.
Nothing is the same anymore between us and i hate it. Our interactions leave me so drained, too! Idk what to do!