u/Revelytics

My child is getting mad at me lately that I’m always telling them to brush their teeth, get dressed, that it’s time to go etc. If I don’t say these things, they just don’t happen. I feel like I do too much for them at times but I’m not clear how to help get them to just do the things that need to be done without the constant reminders.

Not sure where to start. My mother (75) was living in another state for the last couple decades. She always talked about moving to where my sibling and I live to be closer to her grandkids. She got divorced ~5 years ago and then a couple years later her ex husband died which seems to have hit her very hard. For a couple years she mentioned how she wanted to live near us and was looking for a place to live while always hinting how she would like to live with us. She was living in a much lower cost of living area and we live in a higher cost of living area and she could not afford anything here.

About a year ago my husband and I agreed to let her move in. She had had skin cancer removed a couple times, and had fallen once and it felt overwhelming that she was so far away. She talked about going to watch the kids activities, babysitting so she could spend time with her grandbabies, she talked about how she would go to the senior center to meet people and stay active if she moved here. She also talked about how she would walk all over her neighborhood where she was living and chat with people.

After the first few days it became very clear she saw her room as her “apartment” and she never leaves her “apartment”. She has never once come to see my kids soccer games and she told me she went to the senior center once though I’m not sure I believe her. She is much less mobile than I realized. She seems to lay in bed or sit in her recliner the entire day, tv never off. She “watches” my kids sometimes, which basically means she leaves her door open and ignores them unless they come in to her room or if they fight enough she has to get up to yell at them. So now I almost never leave them with her unless it’s a short time and they are on screens.

When she first moved in I kept trying to get her to go for walks, originally at nearby walking trails or the mall, and then even just around the house. It didn’t occur to me how immobile she was until she finally said she was going to come to my daughter’s recital, and after having dinner she couldn’t walk the two blocks to the show. After a dramatic few minutes we had to call an uber. She has a cane but refuses to use a rollator/ walker.

I guess I’m just overwhelmed. I’m 42 and instead of feeling like she is another adult in the house to help I’m starting to see she doesn’t really want to live in the same way any more. She has gone over where all of her paperwork is kept for when she dies multiple times. She leaves a book next to her recliner that’s called “For my family when I’m gone”…

She has picked up or dropped off my kids on occasion when I had a conflict, but now I’m starting to wonder if that’s even safe. My husband’s parents are older than she is but more mobile and more active. I have an aunt who is also mid70s who is never home, drives an hour to come see my kids games on occasion, takes trips multiple times a year, and generally just living life. Then I see my mom barely moving and when I pushed her to try to move more so she can stay healthy, she got mad at me. She blames not being able to walk far on “exercise induced asthma” but when I suggested she should consider getting a daily preventative inhaler she said she doesn’t use her inhaler very often… but then also can’t walk because of “asthma”. AITA?! I say this as someone who had severe asthma growing up and I luckily have mostly outgrown it, though I too keep a recuse inhaler in case it acts up. I’m frustrated it feels like she’s given up on living.

Curious how much hair loss you should have before starting minoxidil? My hair is very thick, but it is thinning on top. Before I could only see hair looking at my forehead, but now I can see through to my scalp, and my part is much more noticeable (to me at least). I should note both of my parents are bald, including my mother who, while not completely free of hair, you can see her whole scalp across her head.

My bloodwork 8 months ago showed very low ferritin, so I started taking iron every other day per dr recommendation. About 6 months later it was back in the normal range, and my iron was a bit high so I was told to stop taking the iron. While my hair was falling out drastically for many months, I started topical minoxidil but wondering if I should have waited to start taking it. I mentioned to my dermatologist today I’m worried about hair loss, and she basically laughed at me saying she could refer me to their hair loss specialist, but that she would be given a hard time to refer someone with so much hair. Should you wait to start minoxidil until you have “significant”, very visible to others hair loss? Or should you start when it may be more minor but feels like a lot to you?