I have to confront myself and my fears and reality and I have to do it to the point I can sit with the world and people as they are honestly. But i am scared to do that because i am scared of what it might reveal about myself. What if there are parts about me that I cannot change. Even if i wish they were different.
I keep pushing everyone away I feel like I can only live if I’m alone.
Did you talk to anyone there too what was your experience like
I don’t think I can get better I want to attempt to take my life soon
I’m so young I feel so isolated from people from the world. From life. From intimacy. I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I feel desperate. I don’t know how to be a person anymore. I cannot relate to anyone and no one can relate to me. I lost the only person I ever connected to and they weren’t even cc. But they were the only one I could bond with. I feel doomed. Just waiting for my life to be over.
I have been very suicidal because I have alot of ocd themes I dislike but I cannot stop my fears and ocd thoughts so all I want to do is be completely alone and just exist until I’m in enough pain to take my life
Hi does anyone know any therapists who specialize in this who are in California. Forgot to add autism too.
I’m finding myself to become agoraphobic now. The cumulative trauma of Covid over time seems to only hurt me more and more everyday rather than me get used to it. I get panic attacks especially when I’m outside around other people. It’s a little easier if I’m alone.
It feels like the world and people screaming your greatest fears and vulnerabilities at you and so you try to outrun them one by one. Trying to find how many voices can you have the strength to endure, until you lose all your strength and the only voice you can endure is your own. Because at least with your own voice, The only person who can get hurt is yourself.
Sometimes I cannot understand how everyone I know who takes zero precautions is fine and functioning even healthy. Even my grandparents are fine. I am tired of feeling so isolated from the majority of people. But, I am also scared of getting sick again. Covid gave me hair loss and I know multiple infections cause long covid.
I have lost my appetite and will to live I feel constantly disgusted by myself and I isolate myself from others because of this I just don’t want to exist anymore
I got Covid my first year of college and I have been isolated since. I feel like I never got the chance to have necessary normal life experiences and social interactions. I’m 22 now but I feel like a child still. I’ve lost all my social skills and capacity for just being alive honestly. I feel like I cannot tolerate more pain or discomfort cause of how painful just my day to day reality is and will progressively become harder as I grow older and have to depend on myself. This is making me feel unable to grow or develop how my peers seemingly are able to. Does not help that masking is very hard for me due to an injury and my autism as well. I feel like there is no way for me to function in this world anymore. Everyday I contemplate if I can keep going because I cannot be regulated or function especially the more I try to be more uncomfortable. Do hard things that adults are supposed to do. Like learn to drive. Or find a way to make money. Or try to be conscious of the world I’m living in. Try to have friendships or relationships. It all feels like torture to me at this point. I have no relief. I also struggle with some severe mental health issues. Like ocd and bdd and cptsd. I also feel perpetually guilty cause so many have it worse and yet I am so incompetent and feel like I cannot do anything anymore. If it wasn’t for Covid I think I could’ve developed so much more. But now I’m basically agoraphobic and have passive ideations. Sorry for the heavy rant. But I do not see a way forward for myself. I feel like Covid has messed up me up mentally physically and emotionally in a way that I don’t think I can recover from. Unless by some miracle it ended. Then maybe I could find a way to feel like a human being on some level again.
I just want to be loved but I’m not pretty or useful or perfect enough or anything anyone would want
I feel unfixable I just want to feel like a person and for someone to see me completely even though I am so broken and ashamed and frozen
I’m so mentally stressed and fatigued I notice my eyes are perpetually tired and sore like the tension is built up in my eyes
I’m desperate for help to the point I’m willing to try medication
My ocd is so severe that I will be physically unable to move I struggle to walk or take basic care of myself. Eat, shower, go outside, talk to anyone. It makes me suicidal my ocd. It tells me I shouldn’t do any of these things because I am an evil person who should die.