u/RoosterSocks

I'm 234 days clean, but I'm really wanting to relapse. I'm just so tired. I've been doing good, but I'm really tired today and frustrated over stupid stuff, and I want to relapse more than I have wanted to in a while. I have no one to talk to for support. If my ex and I hadn't broken up or even if we still talked as friends I could get support, but we don't and I don't have anyone else to help me regulate. Sorry for grammar, just need to say something to the void, no one will read it anyway.

I just hit 200 days! I'm really excited and I don't know how I got here! Therapy helped a lot to deal with trauma, emotional regulation, and CPTSD. I honestly don't know how I made it here clean, though, because I came pretty close on some bad days. I also made it here with no direct support for my self-harm (definitely not the way to do it, and I recommend getting support from others if you can, but I can't). I don't know if I'll stay clean forever, but this is the longest I've been clean for since I started, and I've had fewer thoughts of self-harm or self-destruction. All around, I'm glad even though I am not out of the woods yet, and I didn't take the easy path. Wish me luck for any hard days I have in the future.

I don't know how, and it's been touch and go sometimes, but somehow I'm 183 days clean! I'm so close to the 200-day milestone!