u/Round-Cheesecake-271

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I (22F, LDR) recently had a situation with my boyfriend(23M, LDR) and I need an outside perspective on whether I’m overreacting or if this is a valid concern.

Last week we were on vacation together and everything was going really well. At one point, I asked to check his phone, and he gave it to me immediately without hesitation. He even said I’m the only person he trusts enough to do that.

While checking his Instagram, I looked at chats with a girl from his university. He had previously told me his friends tease him using her name, but he had already made it clear to everyone that he has a girlfriend. This was in 2023. He told me before he talks with this one girl about notes and stuff and sometimes personal things too, to which I asked him to keep it professional. I trusted him.

When I opened their chat, recent messages were nothing concerning. But when I scrolled back to older messages (from 2023), I saw a conversation like this:

• She sent a one-time photo (I couldn’t see it)

• He said: “I’m your best friend na” ( we have decided no opposite gender bff's and stuffs)

• Later (June 2023):

◦ He asked what she was doing

◦ She said she had just taken a bath

◦ She asked if he had tied Rakhi.( It was Rakhi ceremony day; Hindu culture)

◦ He said yes and asked if she tied rakhi to which she said no.

◦ Then he said: “Send some pictures na”

This part bothered me — especially asking for her pictures. When I confronted him, he said it was just being friendly and related to rakhi his friends had sent her, and he didn’t think much about it. He said he was not asking for her picture but rakhi on hand pic only. I didn't believe him.  I asked him why he even cares about that. He said sorry but I was crying and hated him at that moment for that. But then I remember around this time, we had so many fights and I suspected back then that he was seeking attention from people in his uni. Hanging with others more, not giving me enough time, going out for smoking and drinking kinda stuff... (2023 was a roller coaster and we almost broke up as well). I still trusted him.

Then I checked other chats and saw he had sent a Women’s Day reel to some girls who were his friend's girlfriends saying  "HWD to the most beautiful, smart woman I know.” to which they replied aww thank you. This was in 2026. But he didn’t send anything like that to me, his mom, or his sister. For which I asked you don't send that to the most important woman of your life but to them. Why do you like their attention that much. To which he said I didn't think that much I sent randomly. There was no intention to impress anyone.

That made me feel like he was seeking attention from other girls despite what he said.

I confronted him about everything. He apologized a lot, said he didn’t think deeply about any of it, and that it meant nothing. He was new in university back then so was trying to be nice and friendly to people in new place. He also said he would stop messaging them, unfollow them, or do whatever I wanted. I cried, he cried. He said he will never do anything like this but I said I can't trust you now.

At that moment I got really upset and told him if I ever see something like this again, I’m leaving. Internally, I even felt like breaking up later.

After we went back to our own places, I told him I wanted to break up. He became very emotional, cried, and said he loves me more than anything and didn’t mean to hurt me. He kept apologizing and asked for another chance. I have said okay but

Now I’m confused.

I do love him, and he has otherwise been caring and consistent. He makes me feel safe when we are together. Apologises right away, is not abusive or sth like that . He treats me well, feeds me, takes care of me, teaches me things I don't know with love and we have been in a relationship for more than 5 years. Overall he is a good guy, behaviour wise.  After some years, we have a plan to get married too. But loyalty is very important to me, and I’m worried I might be ignoring early warning signs.

The main issue I have is, I went to university before him. We had a boundary. I didn't even think of any guy or talk to them, just focused on my study and also him keeping our ldr alive and respecting our boundary. I have no problem with him just interacting but to ask for pictures, caring enough to message first, sending woman's day reels to other girls but me ( we were talking romantically that day, so I try to forget this one) made me feel like he doesn't respect me or doesn't care about me as much as I do. Cause whatever he did, I would never do that to him. I can't trust him after this. I am kinda starting to dislike him. Is it just just because trust is shaken or due to my overthinking idk. I feel like I am stupid to trust him.

So my question is: Am I overreacting and this is harmless behavior, or are these valid red flags (attention-seeking behaviour), and I should reconsider the relationship?

I want honest opinions. (Mostly from those who have been through this)