u/Rude_Professional848

I've been a baby bat for a while. I thrift all my clothes, repurpose old ones... but let me say that building a goth wardrobe is long and embarrassing. Right now, my outfits are bland because I don't have the money to buy accessories, and some dream outfits are financially inaccessible. I hate fast fashion, but I understand why people want to skip the awkward phase by buying unethical cheap stuff. Any DIY jewellery tips? Or cheaper brands in Europe?

Bonjour, ça fais environ 1 an que à chaque fois que j'utilise d'acheter sur vinted, je rate le 3d secure check. En général je dois essayer 5 fois jusqu'a ce qu'il demande enfin directement sur l'application de ma banque si c'est moi. J'ai chercher une solution mais apparament je peux pas déactiver de 3d secure check, puisque c'est pour ma sécurité, blablabla. Mais aucun autre site rend l'achat si compliqué pour moi. Et là, je suis bloquée pendant le processus du paiement parce que le 3d secure check m'as banni parce que j'ai trop rater? Peut-être que ma banque n'est pas compatible? Je ne sais pas quoi faire.

English is not my first language. Wanted to use a throaway but couldn't manage.

I (19f) have been raised by my mother to think adults are my equal. Even as a child, I would talk to adults matching the energy they gave me, as if I was another adult, including with teachers. I do not have 'respect for the elder', I have respect for everyone as a human being, to which I talk to on an equal footing. In theory it isn't much different, but it is when an adult is belittling me and expecting me to fold because of my age.

Two days ago, I had a hard day. I am autistic, for context, and I was very much overstimulated, at that stage where even people brushing against me gave me shivers because of some unrelated flashback earlier in the day. My thing happened at dinner. My grandmother (f around late 60s) and my fathers fiancé (f40) got on my case about needing to "tighten my belt when you don't have much money", meaning "eat the free summer squash in front of you" and "lose weight" I guess? I have always hated the texture of specifically summer squashes, so even if it's free, I'm not eating it (I eat a certain list of things, my family likes to gawk at that, make fun of me or try to play healthcare professional by telling me my list is wrong when a dietician told me it's perfectly healthy).

They proceeded to give me the same speech I get every time, that when you're poor, like a student, you know hunger and that I need to find a job. With what I have, in a year of being at university, I have NEVER gone hungry. After rent, I have 370€, meaning 12/11€ per day, and I have always managed fine. That money comes from my father (m51), my mother (f50) and government aids. So I know it's free money, I don't need it repeated in my face in an insulting tone. I know it's a wonderful gift from my parents and I make the most of it. But I know getting a job during the year will tire me out, and I'm not so stable as to know I won't have a burn out with that plus university work. But my grandma and father specifically thinks I should get over it and start working. Whatever. I tried getting a job this summer but there is currently a crisis in France and Belgium, you can even get rejected from a supermarket summer job if you give your resume in march (happened to me and my classmates).

Anyway I'm getting off topic. That's a subject that they bring up every time, and no amount of gentle explaining will make them stop. So I held my tongue but I was annoyed. Then, I baked cookies for my fathers fiancées girls (f8,14,18). When they were done, I took one and sat down. My grandma immediately got on my case, talking to me like I was some kind of insane person, asking why they didn't get offered any. I said they're full of sugar, she wouldn't like them (she's one of these people that weight below 60kg but still think they have pounds to lose). I think just to spite me, she asked for some anyway, leading to the whole table having some. Fine. But not a thank you, no compliments, no nothing, as if the cookies were owed to them or something. The girls thanked me though.

I was getting very uncomfortable and overwhelmed by that point and I don't know who, but someone opened the window, revealing the sun straight in my face. I have light sensitivity, especially when overwhelmed, and from my seat I was affected. So I didn't think to ask (I know I should have, but in the moment I acted on instinct), I just got up and tried closing it in a way so it wouldn't bother me but others could still see it. I was reprimanded by everyone, talking about how wrong that was ect, but the worst was my gramdmas bf (m around 70s) who started telling me this totally fake story as a storytelling moral, like I was some sort of 10 year old. I got mad, told him it had absolutely no correlation with what just happened, and that I should have asked but I was justified.

They continued, but I eventually just stormed off, kind of mimicking my mother, saying "Oh OP is so so mean, so so mean, sorry I didn't ask to breath either, since I can't do anything right!" and went to my room. It was totally childish, I know, but I will not be taught any kind of lesson from an old man who thinks 18/80 is not a problematic age gap in a relationship (unrelated fight we had a month ago). Just for that he's one of the people I feel superior to. In any case, I personally think I matched the energy given to me, and refused to be treated like the toddler I am not.

The whole vibe was awkward this morning. And I finally knew why when my father finally talked to me. Context again, my father's fiancée is from Africa (belgian Congo I believe?) and a first generation immigrant to France. Meaning she has the culture of "children should respect their elders, not talk back and obey", the total opposite of me. And that night she was so shocked/weirded out that she had a tachycardia attack according to my father. Here's where I might be the asshole. I told him I am an adult, like the rest of them, and I don't know why he's reprimanding just me for the fight and not my grandma and her bf. I said I will not squash myself down to please a culture I did not grow up in, and that his fiancé should get used to me. But he insisted I was a guest in her home, and I acted badly. I told him I'm not just a guest, I'm his daughter. I will not change my whole way of viewing myself in accordance with a culture I was not raised in, which adopting would mean being inferior and invisible and free to yell at and order around.

The sad thing is, one of her daughters came to me and told me that the yelling, the complete impossibility of talking back, made her want to go low contact with her mother when she's older. Proof that this system just makes children resent you. And I don't want to resent people. So, am I the asshole for thinking adults are my equal and refusing to change that?

Normally I would just return to my student home after something like that, but one of my cats is injured with a cone of shame and lives in my room during her recovery. And I don't know if leaving is the best for her.

TL;DR I got in an argument with elders in my fathers and his fiancées home, deeply shocking people that view their relationship to children differently than I do.

Hi! I have around 36 inches of 2a (I think) ginger hair. I’m autistic and self-care is definitely not one of my special interests, for some reason it’s all very confusing to me. I’ve been using head and shoulders for a couple years but I’ve been told thats super bad. So I’ve been looking for a not too expensive haircare routine for my hair that would help bring the waves out (I’ve been brushing them out forever, twin braids everyday). I’m scared of scams and false products though. Do y’all have any recommendations to make my hair healthy? (My skin is pretty sensitive, so soft products are preferred, and without silicone).

I don't know if it's a common thing within Kikuo fans, but I've been listening to his music since I was an edgy preteen. I liked the music, didnt understand the lyrics... and when I read the meaning of the song in the comments I was like "wow so cool" because I was an edgy teen. But now, as an adult, I watch the music videos with captions on and I WEEP, I've been crying about And so you became the Moon and Don't Look at me in that way for days at this point, like full on tears and crying for 10 minutes. If twelve year old me saw me right now she'd be so confused. Is that a common occurrence in ex-vocaloid kids now vocaloid adults? Just curious to see if I'm alone in this.