u/RythmicRhapsody

I'm still in episode 4 and I already feel depressed, and when I'm not feeling that, I feel enraged! Without spoiling, is there any satisfaction if I keep watching? Or am I gonna keep being upset?

Don't get me wrong, it's amazingly well-written and executed, I love Elizabeth Moss, Samira Wiley, and Joseph Fiennes, but I'm the type that FEELS STRONGLY when I watch something, I get really invested emotionally, so what should I do?

Edit: ok so I should continue watching but it does get worse, thanks, I love being depressed lol! Off to episode 5, thanks guys!

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I'm truly surprised, I got my 437 while extremely sick and nearly passed out 4 times during the exam, but I couldn't reschedule because I got sick a very short time befoee the exam, anyway, for the second attempt, I prepared so much, I have 7 years of it audit experience in corporate, mainly in cybersecurity, but also in complex specialized systems, erp, infrastructure, and data. I practiced it so much and even caught the traps in wording during the exam today, I'm truly disheartened that I didn't pass, and I'm very positive I did well, did anyone else fail and requested a review and had their scores altered? Could there be a glitch? I'm really sad about this!

My (F32) family is a very physically affecrionate family, and I love them so much, but they won't understand physical contact makes me feel uncomfortable, they even get, in my opinion, inappropriate some times but that's the norm in my society, my mom would hug me from behind and kiss me on the back of my neck, my father and brothers would force kiss me on my cheeks, rather strongly, my sisters would squeeze my behind when hugging me, I told them too many times it makes me uncomfortable, even got upset at times and stopped talking to whoever upset me for a while, they would make fun of me for my reaction and do it again!

I know they love me so much and I love them too, I'm just wired differently and feel more discomfort than dopamine when someone touches me, even with other people I had to lie and tell everyone I'm a germaphobe, I'm not, I just don't want them to get comfortable hugging or kissing me, or even shaking my hand.

I'm not autistic if anyone wants to know, and I spoke to my therapist about this, it's just like how some people cannot stand pickles and some add them to every meal, it's a preference. And no, I've never been in an intimate relationship because I don't like to be touched.

Help me, what can I do? I can't avoid them forever, and they won't listen no matter how many times I tell them.

Now I'm going on leave, and I send them both a summary of what I've done and what remains and where to go from there, even added the email timestamps for the ones that require escalation/follow-up, and now that they've seen my summary emails, surprise surprise, they both call me asking about one task that I did not complete, expressing disappointment, asking me why I didn't prioritise it, I tell them I prioritised the other ones, they respond one with "but this is also a priority" and the other with "they're all priorities", do they not understand what prioritisation means?? Anyway, I was gonna tell them I'll be reachable via text only, but since they did this stupid thing, I didn't, and if they text me, I will not respond. I swear I'd beg them to sign a form for weeks and they would say "I didn't have the time" and now they're "disappointed" that I didn't finish a full team's work while alone and had to leave one task only half done instead of fully completed? I hate corporate, my vacation flight is in a few hours and they managed to upset me when I was just getting excited after a week of 10-11 hour work days just to cover for them, I'm really sad rn

Edit: thank you so much guys, I really feel validated and so much better now, I'm happy to tell you I'm enjoying my vacation with my family, and I turned off my work phone so I have no clue if they're trying to reach me, I'll check my phone when I'm back home. Appreciate your support awesome reddit strangers, corporate sucks!!

BTW, our work requires a lot of documents review and validation (I work in digital forensics and investigations) and I have fell into the habit of counting the approximate number of files I go through in a day, I would usually go over about 50-80 files a week (some images, some single page resolutions, some financial transactions, and some 100+ pages business continuity plans or firewall logs). Last week, given I was alone, I had to go over close to 200 files, I swear I can still see some when I close my eyes, the workload was insane only because both gentlemen had to be on leave at the same time. So hindsight, I don't feel bad anymore for not having the fucking force with me!

Please help me, how did you suppress the feelings of inadequacy despite so many accomplishments that prove I am more than adequate? My imposter syndrome is getting stronger and taking over me, I'm losing focus and getting more scared than ever from every possible step, I'm losing my self-confidence even though I technically know I've achieved so much and I couldn't have done what I already did if I was less than I actually am, but I'm still struggling and even reassurances from people I trust don't seem to have the confidence-boosting impact that they once had. What do I do to regain my confidence and stop feeling unworthy? What worked for you?

Please help me, how did you suppress the feelings of inadequacy despite so many accomplishments that prove I am more than adequate? My imposter syndrome is getting stronger and taking over me, I'm losing focus and getting more scared than ever from every possible step, I'm losing my self-confidence even though I technically know I've achieved so much and I couldn't have done what I already did if I was less than I actually am, but I'm still struggling and even reassurances from people I trust don't seem to have the confidence-boosting impact that they once had. What do I do to regain my confidence and stop feeling unworthy? What worked for you?

A little context, I (32F) and my friend Dolly (32F) we're good friends since school at 16, and we kinda drifted apart after college but we're still friends until she abruptly cut me off at 28, I later found out she did that because she was moving to another country, I understood, it must've been hard and cutting people off, even if it hurt me, it must've felt like the less painful thing to do, so I brushed it off and wished her well.

Fast forward a year ago at 31, she messages me out of nowhere telling me she changed her number and wanted me to have it, I welcomed her warmly and was received with absolutely nothing, I was embarrassed but I brushed it off, we wrapped up and we did not speak again.

Today, out of nowhere, she messages me saying "hey, how are you? I've been in your city for a month and I'm bored out of my mind, wanna go out?", again, stupidly, I welcomed her warmly and told her I have an obligation now but will be free in an hour and a half, then I asked her if she misses a certain spot or if she'd like me to recommend something, she said "no not today, I don't feel like going anywhere today, let's do tomorrow", I told her I'll be stuck at work all week and today is the most suitable, otherwise let's do the weekend, she says "ugh fine, let's meet Sunday", I replied "alright so let's do Sunday morning because I have classes in the afternoon to evening" she says "no I don't like waking up if I don't have to, I'll just head to your place after your class"

Listen, I always try to be empathetic and understanding, we all go through hard stuff, but if she wanted to meet me because she actually misses me or wants to catch up, it wouldn't be like this, right?

Anyway, I messaged her back saying "you know what, I can't do that, have a safe flight back and take care" she responded with "why?? You know I'm just tired, if you want Sunday morning I can try to wake up, come on", now AITAH for blowing her off? We were such good friends and she was so nice, and maybe she's going through something but I felt disrespected and I don't feel like giving her the benefit of the doubt, I left her on read.

Me: *attends physical therapy as usual for my wrist*

My therapist, a man: *guides me through therapy as usual*

Me: Hey check this bump here, is it normal? I only have it on one hand but the other one is fine, what could it be?

Therapist: *holds both my hands with ONE HAND, my wrists bent between his thumb and palm, and both my hands are open against his*

Therapist: *pushes a point with his other thumb* does it hurt here?

Me: *still processing the fact that both my hands are sitting comfortably in one of his* ....huh?

Therapist: I'll press some points and I want you to tell me if it hurts

Me: *still mentally in another place* ...sorry what??

Therapist: ok, your hand is still shaking, and it seems like your wrist is still weak, I will request an extension for your sessions, I want to see you again next week

Me: ok..

I (32 F) love my mom (60 F) so much, and we live together in the family home, with my dad, he's not around much, but anyway, my mom has always been a negative, but jolly person, I know it's a contradiction but it is the case. I will give you a few examples, she went to a wedding tonight, she kept complaining all day about having to go, until she got to the venue, then when she got back, she complained about the venue being cold, the music being loud, people who don't know how to choose dresses, etc.. then she went on about being hungry because the food wasn't good there so she didn't eat, let's break this down.

The temperature is always low in crowded venues, to make sure people with makeup don't sweat, so we all know to get some shawls or throw, but she always chooses not to (I got her a few nice ones that go with most of her dresses so it's not because she doesn't have any). The music being loud, well, it's a wedding, people play music and dance? Nothing to complain about. People choosing bad dresses, I get that some people enjoy gossiping about others fashion choices, I don't, but what mom does is far from that, she would talk with anger and disgust like "she's old what is she doing wearing hot pink? Does she think she's a teen" or, my personal favorite, since I was overweight before "she has fat legs with cellulite, why is she wearing a short dress? It's not a good sight for our eyes".

Let me clarify one point, mom never says these things to the people she's criticising, but she would criticise anyone in front of anyone else but them, which is a nasty thing to do, but even if it wasn't she's getting more and more critical of people and her friends are pulling away, and I get it, I left some people because they kept talking badly about others, that's very toxic and hateful.

Finally, the food, I asked her what they served that she didn't like, she says "I didn't try anything, they brought all types of food and drinks but I only had coffee", I ask if the food didn't look good or safe? She says "no I just didn't want to eat at the time. If you heard her talk about it before I asked her, you'd be under the impression that she tried the food and it was bad, and if she tells this to anyone and it gets to the family of the wedding, this is will either make them sad or upset.

She's getting more and more unhinged, hateful, critical of ridiculous everyday things, the wedding story is just a slight peak into what happens. She complains about everything, she sleeps with a CPAP machine that she made a whole fuss about needing, the doctor gave it to her based on her request, and the machine monitors her sleep, it's great and the numbers are good, but everyday she wakes up complaining about he she didn't sleep or would take a nap in the afternoon and wake up saying "this nap was garbage I didn't rest at all".

We have a lot to be grateful for, we have a home, we have food on the table, we have people we love, and this is huge because we grew up with nothing and worked really hard to get to where we are now. I'm just tired of the constant negativity, I'm the only other person around her and she dumps it all on me, I would come from a heavy day at work to relax at home and she would dump so much on me, I used to sympathise and give her all the awws and attention she always seeks, but I don't do that anymore, I'm thinking maybe this is why she got worse, but I can't keep enabling the victim mentality.

She fell a while ago and used to limb so hard around the house, she was bruised and slightly injured, and I genuinely believed she was in pain, until I saw her walking normally when she didn't know I was in the hallway behind her, then she started limbing again when she got to the living area. I'm just tired and don't know what to do, there are so many other things that she does, but mainly this is the idea, constant complaining, negativity, envy of others who have nicer lives, and playing the victim in such absurd situations, I'm really, really tired and don't know what to do, she won't go to therapy.

She's not a bad person, she's caring and loving when she genuinely feels it, but unlike the normal person who is indifferent about people and love or hate based on the relationship development, her default is hating and criticising, she loves a handful of people, including me, and even her love is overbearing and disrespectful of boundaries. I've been living with this all my life but it keeps getting worse and I don't even want to consider the option of walking out, because we don't do that to people we love. So help me.

Note: I'm a very calm, patient, and quiet person, I don't like problematic situations and avoid them when possible, and I lived through really hard days, I truly appreciate the things we have now, and I think it's outrageous that she doesn't. We can't do much still, but we have a home and food and stability, that's for more than what we had before. I also always take care of her and I speak to her softly and kindly, my siblings call her out and I've never seen it work, that's one of the reasons she dumps it all on me, I don't have it in me to firmly call her out, I would empathise if the situation requires it, or would just keep quiet while she talks and wait it out.

A little bit of context, I, 32 F, have been broken up with in a cruel way, my ex, 30 M, called me one random night and said "I never loved you, and I never will", I tried reasoning with him, stupid of me, I knew that later, but I was shocked and cared for him, so I tried, and he responded "I won't change my mind", he did say "let's stay friends though", I rejected and cut all contact. That was a year-ish ago, he's been diligently liking my posts on the one platform I didn't block him on, because people there know us but don't know we were together, and I don't like drama (we're both very private and don't like people in our business so we agreed early on to keep it between us).

ANYWAY, I was having coffee with my close friend yesterday in a nice café, suddenly, someone approaches my side, I look up, it's him, he says hi, I stare at him with what my friend described as "an empty look, like I was looking at an empty wall". I didn't reply, he proceeded "can I talk to you?", I don't know how, I'm usually a very nice person, but I said "no" and looked back at my friend and went on telling her about the things I want in my dress for the upcoming graduation ceremony, as if he never interrupted the conversation. He stood there for a bit, I looked back up at him and said "please leave", he seemed shocked, then left. I mean what did he expect? That I'd welcome him with open arms? Is he insane? After the cruel way he left and cowardly liked my posts for a year? And ONLY tried to "talk" when he ACCIDENTALLY ran into me in a café?

So, my friend was proud of me, and I was proud of myself, it felt like an out of body experience honestly, I hate to admit it but I'm usually the people pleaser and worry more about hurting others than myself, which sucks but I'm working on it, anyway, our third friend who wasn't there was updated, and she asked me "what if he's been feeling guilty all this time and you didn't even allow him to talk, so now he's just gonna feel worse and one day you'll start to wonder what he wanted to say, you were kinda mean to him and you told us yourself before that he was a good person, maybe he just made a mistake and didn't know how to fix it", so here's the pickle, I really didn't care what he wanted to say, I announced time of death the minute I comprehended how little someone has to care to end things that way, but now I'm confused, is she right? Should I have heard him out and decided? AITAH for how I treated him?

Aside from pain killers (I don't like meds) what can I do to reduce the pain? Help a sister in agony here, I'm 32 so I've had more than a few periods, but sometimes it's just so much harder to deal with