u/SOURICHILL

Hi everyone. English is not my first language and it's gonna be a long one so bear with me.

Me and my gf are highschool lovers, we met at 18 and never dated anyone else. We never fight with eachother and everytime something shows up, we get throught it with communication. We got through a lot of hard times together (she lost her mom at 21, she battled cancer at 26, an important life project of ours crumbled, and so on). I always been there for her, always supported her when she was at her lowest because i love her deeply. I consider myself an extremly stable personn with the mentality of "go with the flow" and "everything will turn out allright in the end".

We opened our relationship several years ago. It was somehting we discussed for years, it was something that she cared about, she read about it and discussed with friends in open relationship. Even if i had some concern at first, I was sure that we could navigate in this kind of relationship. I'm not a fuckboy or someone who need to flirt all the time, and because she was suffering from grief and then battling cancer, we never really gave it a try.

But 2 years ago, after everything she went through, my GF finally felt like she was seeing the end of the tunnel and began to feel better. She reconnected with her needs of making new friends and go out. Enventually, she slept with someone. I wouldn't say i was hurt, more like shocked about it being real for the first time ; she slept with 3 or 4 people in the course of 6 month and i started to reflect about it. I was starting to get concerned : it didn't changed how she loved me, I never felt like she was being distant but i felt like it could create insecurity in me if it went on for to long. Moreover, i wasn't doing anything to meet others girls. My GF meet people in bars at night but i'm not as easy going as her, so we discussed how i live the open relatioship in my way.

Eventually, i downloaded dating apps and started to chat with some girls. I had a first date, it didn't go really well but it changed my perspective on things and all my insecurity shattered, i don't really know why, maybe because i thought " it was weird and the sex was bad with someone else ". But i understand at that point that i needed some kind of connection with a girl if i wanted to have sex with her.

We have a pretty good sex life with my girlfriend. We had up and downs of course, but for a long time now, the sex is more than great.

But something changed this month. I spoke with a girl, lets call her C (35). Good talks. I'm honest with her, i tell her that i am in an open relationship and she is fine with it. Enventually, it gets hotter between us. She seems really into me. We meet. The sex is good. Like REALLY good. I tell my girlfriend about it (minus the "sex was awesome") and she is happy for me.

We meet again. Sex is even better. C feel the same. She was really sexually active in the past and tell me that she never had sex like that. I'm ashamed to think about it, but i feel the same. I don't want to compare it to the sex with my girlfriend, but yeah it's more passionate. At that time i guess it's because it's something new that i never experienced before.

In the end, C and I have sex like 5 times in the course of one month. It's a lot i know. I lost control, i know that and i regret it deeply. I was arrogant, i thought that because all we faced with my girlfriend, nothing wrong could happened and i thought to much of myself.

So i saw C 2 days ago. My girlfriend was okay with it. When i came home she just woken up, everyting was fine so i laid beside her and i understand that she wants to have sex. But it doesnt work for me, because 3 hours ago, i was having sex with C. So my GF feels bad. She has no trouble "shifting", and she tells me that sex was always a way for both of us to reconnect when something happened between us ; but for the first time in 12 years, i didn't work out like that. I reassure her, i tell her that it's because i can't switch that easily but that i love her and it doesn't change everything. We booked an hotel some days ago, we spend the day chatting and laughing but in a corner of my head, i'm afraid because now, there is some pressure on me. Of course, it doesn't work.

It lead to the most heartshattering conversation we have. She asked me what's wrong, and i think she knew the problem deep down because she ask me if the sex is "better". I can't lie to her. I never did. I say that it's different. Passionate. And then my brain just shut down. I can't express myself clearly, i say something and then the opposite. I don't know what i feel anymore. My GF is crying and i feel like a piece of shit because for the first time, i cant confort her and now I AM the source of her sadness. She says that deep down, she understands : it's the first time i'm feeling something for someone else. She even say that she doesn't want me to end things with her, because she doesn't want her to prevent me of anyting, as i never did with her. She wants me to be happy and do my own thing, but she is afraid that it leads me away from her, and i'm terrified of that.

So here I am. I love my Girlfriend, but we certainly took our relationship from granted. I fucked up, i didn't settle boundaries because of my arrogance. I thought i was better, not like the others. I hate myself for the arrogance of mine. I know the best thing to for my rleationship is to let go of C but i'm afraid of what could happen after that. A part of me still think i can get through this, that i need time to process thing, take a step back and take it slow but i'm also terrified of damaging our relatioship and the desire i have for my girlfriend.

My GF wasn't bored of me or anything. I posted this on r/relationship advice and everybody tries to tell me she FAFO and i should dump her ; they don't understand. We are humans, we make mistakes... now i just want to know how to make things better for both of us

Hi everyone. English is not my first language and it's gonna be a long one so bear with me.

Me and my gf are highschool lovers, we met at 18 and never dated anyone else. We never fight with eachother and everytime something shows up, we get throught it with communication. We got through a lot of hard times together (she lost her mom at 21, she battled cancer at 26, an important life project of ours crumbled, and so on). I always been there for her, always supported her when she was at her lowest because i love her deeply. I consider myself an extremly stable personn with the mentality of "go with the flow" and "everything will turn out allright in the end".

We opened our relationship several years ago. It was somehting we discussed for years, it was something that she cared about, she read about it and discussed with friends in open relationship. Even if i had some concern at first, I was sure that we could navigate in this kind of relationship. I'm not a fuckboy or someone who need to flirt all the time, and because she was suffering from grief and then battling cancer, we never really gave it a try.

But 2 years ago, after everything she went through, my GF finally felt like she was seeing the end of the tunnel and began to feel better. She reconnected with her needs of making new friends and go out. Enventually, she slept with someone. I wouldn't say i was hurt, more like shocked about it being real for the first time ; she slept with 3 or 4 people in the course of 6 month and i started to reflect about it. I was starting to get concerned : it didn't changed how she loved me, I never felt like she was being distant but i felt like it could create insecurity in me if it went on for to long. Moreover, i wasn't doing anything to meet others girls. My GF meet people in bars at night but i'm not as easy going as her, so we discussed how i live the open relatioship in my way.

Eventually, i downloaded dating apps and started to chat with some girls. I had a first date, it didn't go really well but it changed my perspective on things and all my insecurity shattered, i don't really know why, maybe because i thought " it was weird and the sex was bad with someone else ". But i understand at that point that i needed some kind of connection with a girl if i wanted to have sex with her.

We have a pretty good sex life with my girlfriend. We had up and downs of course, but for a long time now, the sex is more than great.

But something changed this month. I spoke with a girl, lets call her C (35). Good talks. I'm honest with her, i tell her that i am in an open relationship and she is fine with it. Enventually, it gets hotter between us. She seems really into me. We meet. The sex is good. Like REALLY good. I tell my girlfriend about it (minus the "sex was awesome") and she is happy for me.

We meet again. Sex is even better. C feel the same. She was really sexually active in the past and tell me that she never had sex like that. I'm ashamed to think about it, but i feel the same. I don't want to compare it to the sex with my girlfriend, but yeah it's more passionate. At that time i guess it's because it's something new that i never experienced before.

In the end, C and I have sex like 5 times in the course of one month. It's a lot i know. I lost control, i know that and i regret it deeply. I was arrogant, i thought that because all we faced with my girlfriend, nothing wrong could happened and i thought to much of myself.

So i saw C 2 days ago. My girlfriend was okay with it. When i came home she just woken up, everyting was fine so i laid beside her and i understand that she wants to have sex. But it doesnt work for me, because 3 hours ago, i was having sex with C. So my GF feels bad. She has no trouble "shifting", and she tells me that sex was always a way for both of us to reconnect when something happened between us ; but for the first time in 12 years, i didn't work out like that. I reassure her, i tell her that it's because i can't switch that easily but that i love her and it doesn't change everything. We booked an hotel some days ago, we spend the day chatting and laughing but in a corner of my head, i'm afraid because now, there is some pressure on me. Of course, it doesn't work.

It lead to the most heartshattering conversation we have. She asked me what's wrong, and i think she knew the problem deep down because she ask me if the sex is "better". I can't lie to her. I never did. I say that it's different. Passionate. And then my brain just shut down. I can't express myself clearly, i say something and then the opposite. I don't know what i feel anymore. My GF is crying and i feel like a piece of shit because for the first time, i cant confort her and now I AM the source of her sadness. She says that deep down, she understands : it's the first time i'm feeling something for someone else. She even say that she doesn't want me to end things with her, because she doesn't want her to prevent me of anyting, as i never did with her. She wants me to be happy and do my own thing, but she is afraid that it leads me away from her, and i'm terrified of that.

So here I am. I love my Girlfriend, but we certainly took our relationship from granted. I fucked up, i didn't settle boundaries because of my arrogance. I thought i was better, not like the others. I hate myself for the arrogance of mine. Now i'm afraid : i know the best thing to do is to let go of C but i'm afraid of what could happen after that. A part of me still think i can get through this, that i need time to process thing, take a step back and take it slow but i'm also terrified of damaging our relatioship and the desire i have for my girlfriend.

Are any of you guys lived something like that ? How did you get trought it ?

TDLR : after opening our relationship, i had an awesome sexual connection with someone and i struggle to let it go for the sake of my relationship with my girlfriend.