u/SUNNAHMATCH-MHN

A girl liked my profile recently and tried reaching out through a mutual intermediary. On paper today, she appears practising - hijab on, Islamic reminders reposted, talks about “finding the deen again” etc.

But I remembered her digital footprint.

Years of social media content doesn’t just disappear from people’s minds overnight. The freemixing, clubbing clips, thirst traps, tabarrujj, vaping, swearing online, dancing on TikTok, revealing outfits, displaying chest and body shape, heavy makeup, lip fillers, posting for male attention, late night snaps with random men, holidays with non-mahrams, “girls trips” that looked anything but innocent, flirtatious comments, Snapchat culture, fishing for validation, and constantly needing attention from strangers... I seen it all.

And let’s be real, once a woman publicly carries herself a certain way online for years, serious men looking for marriage will remember it. The internet remembers. People remember.

Ladies need to understand something - your digital footprint matters massively.

You can repent to Allah and may Allah forgive you completely - that’s between you and Him. But human beings are still allowed to make marriage decisions based on what they personally witnessed. Actions have consequences socially too.

A lot of women think they can spend years building an influencer-style online persona, collecting male attention and validation, then suddenly switch into “soft traditional Muslim wife” mode and expect men to completely overlook the past. That’s not reality for many men.

For me personally, once I’ve seen certain behaviour publicly displayed, I can’t unsee it. No amount of rebranding changes the image already built in my mind. So I quietly declined and moved on.

Please sisters, protect your haya from the beginning. Not everything needs to be posted online. Temporary attention from strangers is not worth damaging your reputation long-term.

A girl liked my profile recently and tried reaching out through a mutual intermediary. On paper today, she appears practising - hijab on, Islamic reminders reposted, talks about “finding the deen again” etc.

But I remembered her digital footprint.

Years of social media content doesn’t just disappear from people’s minds overnight. The freemixing, clubbing clips, thirst traps, tabarrujj, vaping, swearing online, dancing on TikTok, revealing outfits, displaying chest and body shape, heavy makeup, lip filler selfies, posting for male attention, late night snaps with random men, holidays with non-mahrams, “girls trips” that looked anything but innocent, flirtatious comments, Snapchat culture, fishing for validation, and constantly needing attention from strangers... I seen it all.

And let’s be real, once a woman publicly carries herself a certain way online for years, serious men looking for marriage will remember it. The internet remembers. People remember.

Ladies need to understand something - your digital footprint matters massively.

You can repent to Allah and may Allah forgive you completely - that’s between you and Him. But human beings are still allowed to make marriage decisions based on what they personally witnessed. Actions have consequences socially too.

A lot of women think they can spend years building an influencer-style online persona, collecting male attention and validation, then suddenly switch into “soft traditional Muslim wife” mode and expect men to completely overlook the past. That’s not reality for many men.

For me personally, once I’ve seen certain behaviour publicly displayed, I can’t unsee it. No amount of rebranding changes the image already built in my mind. So I quietly declined and moved on.

Please sisters, protect your haya from the beginning. Not everything needs to be posted online. Temporary attention from strangers is not worth damaging your reputation long-term.

Is it normal to sleep to the sound of rain? What does it mean?

It makes me feel at peace.

I was speaking to a girl from another country for the purpose of marriage. On paper and in conversation, she was incredibly rare. I have a very specific type, and she checked off about 70% of it which is more than anyone I’ve ever spoken to.

- Feminine & traditional and willing to follow my lifestyle

- Willing to relocate to my country.

- Happy to cook, clean, and prioritise home & family

- Wanted to work part-time, not for career ambition, but to save for Hajj, spend on her future children. I offered her a job to work for me. It's flexible, creative, artsy and suitable for a muslimah. She even said if I asked her to stop, she would.

- Mutual attraction after sharing photos.

- Same outlook on life and so many common interests.

We even discussed speaking to parents and her relocating.

Then she told me she has been in a previous relationship.

As soon as I heard that, something inside me shut off. I tried for a week to overlook it. I thought, “She’s so rare. Maybe I can get past this.” But it ate at me every single day. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

So I ended it.

She was genuinely upset. She kept saying, “It’s my past. I’ve repented. It doesn’t define me.” But I just couldn’t get over it.

I know many will say the past is the past, especially if she’s repented. But for me, it felt like a core dealbreaker I couldn’t shake.

I’m not here to shame her. She was wonderful in so many ways. I just couldn’t get my heart to accept that one thing especially when I have stayed away from Zina myself.

Anybody else immediately swipe no when a sister says - "I am career driven" on her marriage profile?

I ain't trying to marry myself, you know?

Ive been thinking....

When a man does household chores, women say - "thats the bare minimum any functional adult should do"

When a woman does household hold chores, women say - "Its unpaid emotional labour and mental load".

Can someone make it make sense?

A lot of Muslim men genuinely feel like modern marriage has become a contradiction.
Not because we hate women. Not because we expect perfection. But because the values being promoted today feel completely incompatible with a stable Islamic marriage.

1. Many Muslim women openly reject hadiths or traditional Islamic gender roles, replacing them with feminist ideology dressed up as “empowerment.”

2. ⁠Many muslim women openly reject verses in the quran - hijab is not fardh or inheritance laws are misogynistic.

3. ⁠Many muslim women reject sahih hadiths - Aisha RA herself reporting she was 6 or the prophet ﷺ stating the majority of dwellers in🔥 will be women because they are ungrateful to their husbands.

4. ⁠Following hijabi influencers who promote misandry, tabarruj, attention-seeking, soft feminism, materialism, and public validation while presenting it as “confidence” or “self-love.”

5. ⁠Publicly mocking men online has become normalised. Muslim men are constantly portrayed as useless, dusty, insecure, broke, controlling, emotionally unintelligent, etc.

6. ⁠Wanting a traditional provider husband while rejecting traditional responsibilities within marriage. Wanting leadership, protection, and provision but refusing cooperation, respect, or dependence. Independence when convenient, dependence when beneficial.

7. ⁠Social media has normalised public self-display to thousands of strangers, yet men are shamed for feeling uncomfortable with it. Everything is labelled “she’s just existing” even when modesty boundaries clearly blur.

8. ⁠Every disagreement is escalated into “toxic,” “misogynistic,” “narcissistic,” or “abusive.”
   Accountability feels one-sided.

9. ⁠Selective Islam depending on benefit. “We live in a non-sharia country” when discussing divorce laws or financial outcomes, but strict Islamic obligations suddenly apply when discussing male responsibilities.

10. ⁠Unrealistic standards fuelled by social media. Average men are expected to compete with curated lifestyles, luxury expectations, influencer aesthetics, and fantasy-level emotional performance.

11. ⁠Marriage increasingly feels less like building a family and more like signing a high-risk contract where the man carries most of the responsibility and blame.

12. ⁠Men are told to be masculine providers and leaders, while simultaneously being told masculinity itself is dangerous, oppressive, or problematic. You can only lead the way SHE wants you to lead. Otherwise, its "controlling" and "I will divorce you".

13. ⁠Genuine practicing men are becoming scared to marry because they don’t know whether they’re marrying someone grounded in deen and loyalty or someone shaped entirely by TikTok feminism and validation culture. Or marrying someone whos rabb is their feelings and emotions.

Before the usual responses come - obviously this is not ALL Muslim women. There are amazing women with deen, haya, loyalty, femininity, and strong character.
But pretending these trends don’t exist is dishonest.
A lot of Muslim men are quietly losing trust in modern marriage altogether

I was talking to a close friend and usually, when you hear someone say they feel like a prisoner in their marriage, it's a woman. But he told me that's exactly how he feels as a man.

He works ten hours a day, pays all the bills only to come home to no food made and a messy house, and instead of rest or appreciation, he's made to feel unworthy. He told me he spends a fortune eating out. There are no kids, so there's no excuse for the chaos.

His wife controls everything. She won't let him go out with friends to unwind or see his own family... there's always an argument. If he stays late at work, he's accused of cheating.

He stays in the car an extra ten minutes before going inside just to have a moment of peace.

He told me he tried reasoning with her about how he feels unappreciated and tried asking her to prepare 1 meal which she shut down immediately because "he's a grown man and should learn to cook for himself"

I looked at him and said, "Bro, prisoners get treated better... they get 3 meals a day. You're not a prisoner, you're a slave".

For context: This was a convo over several weeks. Not in this exact order.

She said - I want to work for security in the event of a divorce

I said - I want you to sign a prenup for security in the event of a divorce

She said - Thats not fair, it's like you're planning for divorce.

I said - When you insure your house in case it burns down, you aren’t “planning for” your house to burn down, you do it to protect yourself in case it does. I also called out her hypocrisy when she said "I want to work for security in the event of divorce". So, I cant protect myself with a prenup?

BTW... the prenup was literally just following the sharia when it comes to division of assets post divorce. You'd think a nikkah would be enough but, sadly not.