Moving On from a Relationship
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months who I thought I was going to marry. The healing process has been okay, and I’ve delved deeper into Scripture and prayer to try and understand what God wants for me and my future.
I thought me and my ex were leading each other closer towards God. We attended and served in Mass together (we met while altar serving), we were involved in coordinating the altar server ministry, we prayed together. We were planning on starting the Bible in a Year podcast together once he came back from vacation. He ended up breaking up with me while he was on vacation. Ever since then, he’s quit the coordinating we were part of, stopped altar serving as much, etc. He wants nothing to do with me. A very sudden and confusing change especially since he was so sure of our relationship before the vacation. And the reason for the breakup was very confusing as well. He suddenly couldn’t handle the “pressure” of both me and his parents (who can be very controlling at times), and suddenly decided he missed who he was before me.
Anyways, throughout our relationship and now I’ve been praying for clarity for my future. And I’m worried that marriage isn’t what God has planned for me, but that’s all that I’ve wanted since I was young. This is my second breakup within very serious relationships, and both men have cut off contact completely all of a sudden and wanted nothing to do with me. I’m finding comfort in God but it hurts that I want to be a wife so badly and the men that I’ve been with haven’t been committed to working through our problems and have given up on me. It makes me feel so unlovable, even though I know that’s not true.
To make matters even worse, today I saw my first ex in public. The only other time I’d ever seen him since the break up was Valentine’s Day this year. It’s bugging me that I’ve only run into him once on Valentine’s Day and another time very shortly after my breakup with another man. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but I’m hoping it’s just a weird coincidence. I’ve moved on but it hurts that, like every other time, today he completely avoided me.
During Mass, I find myself begging God for the right man to show interest in me, which I know I shouldn’t do. I’m just feeling so awful because I’ve wanted a marriage for so long and I can’t help but compare. My mom was already married at my age, a few of my friends are engaged, and the ones who aren’t have very loving, committed boyfriends. I try to be grateful though. The relationship I just got out of was going to be a burden for me for the rest of my life, but I did want to build that life with him. And yet it seems like nobody wants me or maybe God just doesn’t want it for me, and I’m scared that I’m not meant to get married.
I know this is long, I just had no where else to say this.