u/SadStable6509

I graduated high school mid-transition, and the district itself is as transphobic as they can get away with as a public school. Despite this, they did throw me a bone and give me two copies of my diploma: one with my old legal name and one with my old “preferred” name that I used as a placeholder before I found a real name. Years later I am no longer associated, legally or otherwise, with either of those names, and the records were sealed by the court. I do not have a high school diploma with my actual legal name on it. I don’t have very much high school spirit, especially considering aforementioned transphobia, so I’d just as easily burn the things if they weren’t considered important documents. I want to avoid (if possible) the ordeal that would be crawling back and asking for a third diploma, because that would be an awkward mess, but if I really have to for legal or official purposes I could bite the bullet. I hope to replace it with a college diploma in the next couple years anyway. Can I just forget it, or could this become a problem in the future?

I don’t really hear this theme discussed very often, but I’m afraid to touch other people sometimes. Some of my friends are physically affectionate, and they’re also occasionally big on roughhousing — wrestling, chicken fighting, throwing sand, generally scurrying around and grabbing each other by the ankles — my friends are kinda weird, but they’re cool. When it’s my turn, I just kind of freeze, because in that moment something is telling me that if I lay my hands on these people that would be the worst thing in the world, and whatever I do would make them uncomfortable or upset or hurt them.
Sometimes I question if this is rooted in traumatic past experience, ways other people touched me that harmed me, but it grew out of proportion as an obsessive theme that affects my personal relationships. Sometimes I can be convinced, I’ve horsed around a bit with the guys and I’ve even offered a hug or two at the most appropriate times I could find, but I still can’t find a justification for ever giving a girl more than a hug or a touch on the shoulder for a photo — it makes me feel predatory, even though I am a very gay man. I even had a hard time accepting permission (requests!) to touch my last partner below the belt.
I’ve managed to find my workarounds, like expressing my “quirk” to my friends and letting them know that I’m not usually the first to offer a hug but that I enjoy them all the same, and they’ve started to initiate more affection that I readily accept and even reciprocate. Otherwise, I kind of stay back on the sidelines and feel left out, even though plenty of people don’t want to be physical in the first place. The difference is that I want to be, but something about it upsets me that shouldn’t.
Does anyone else have experience with this kind of thing, and have you found any good tricks or tips for improving? I’m definitely not looking for reassurance, I’ve probably already run through every possible logical loop in my head and it hasn’t made any difference, I’m just curious if anyone has found a way to quiet these particular demons.