Hetero reflects on nonexistent love life after starting a new job
I’m (25f) aware that I‘m in touch with my animus—I‘m sure I’m more “masculine” than the average woman. I’ve often been mistaken as gay (which is whatever atp) (especially since I ask people what makes them say that and they say “you’re just so chill“). that said, I’m not, and in fact, as I age, I’m beginning to think I would derive more out of my life if I had babies. someone recently said to me doing work that’s physically draining but not spiritually draining is the ideal objective—feel like I couldn’t give less f*** about almost any job I could ever have. besides maybe teaching.
but anyway, as an American, fresh graduate of BS engineering, just starting an internship at a GC, the thought crossed my mind that I’d be interacting with/meeting 99% men, obviously—and perchance one might compel me—but I’ve also thought about running into another case of not being feminine enough for straight men in general. I’ve literally never been approached by a man in my adult life—and the 1 man I dated briefly (1 month) was bisexual, and although I think he liked SOME of my energy I think not being tiny and submissive ultimately was not to his liking.
sorta brought this up to a new friend and he said something like, “don’t worry about [finding a partner]; men aren’t men anymore and women aren’t women anymore
so it’s no wonder women think to themselves, why would I be feminine for a man that’s not masculine—“
not that it’s something I explicitly think about—I just wasn’t raised very frilly and girly.
all that to say: I think im doomed to be alone, since I’m into a masculine/“dominant” type and I’m not feminine enough to attract them.