u/Safe-Neighborhood432

This has been going on all my life and no matter how many times I try to set boundaries they always make out like I’m the bad guy and I feel like I’m doing something wrong.

For context, I sometimes buy food that’s not to share. Only little things like a donut or some chocolate but I’ll keep it in the fridge to save for when I want to have it. When I was younger my mom would eat it and then pretend that she didn’t know it was mine. So I started either leaving a note on it or verbally telling everyone in the household that it was mine.

However, she would still eat whatever it was I had. Even when I was trying to meal prep I’d spend two hours a week making my food and by the end of the week it was all gone because she would eat it. This would either leave me hungry or out of pocket for having to buy food at work. I’ve tried to tell her on multiple occasions the impact this has on me but she would accuse me of being selfish and stupid. She is of a firm belief that because I live under her house, everything that I own belongs to her.

Recently, this behaviour has gotten even more bizarre where I’ll walk away from eating something only to come back and find it gone because she’s helped herself.

I really don’t know what to do or if there is anything I can do? I suppose I’m just looking to see if this is normal behaviour in other people’s households because it feels really odd and does make me more upset than I like to admit because it almost feels as if she is permanently overstepping my consent.

Hii guysss just looking for some advice! I started questioning my sexuality a year ago when I first started dating men. I’ve always been really into romance (think Bridgerton obsession lol) but never really had anything going on with guys during my teenage years because I just never tried as I didn’t get the obsession. I got onto dating apps because a guy that worked across from me (where we’d steal glances at each other) never made a move to talk to me and I was sick of being not partnered. However, I was shocked to find that when I actually spoke to boys I just didn’t really have much interest and (no offense) but felt most of them were a bit dumb. I tried really hard to make something work and dated all sorts of guys to try and find my “type”. I thought I hated men or that I was asexual. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just be interested in guys like other girls are. It’s like I could be interested in theory but not in reality.

To check off all boxes (as thorough as I am), I decided to start dating women which I never really considered before this point. The difference was astounding and I was actually super interested in a lot of the girls I dated and for the first time in my life I felt like I was actually experiencing embodied attraction where I could look at a specific person and be like “I want them now”. Through these experiences, I found I had a lot of shame. And I wrestle with liking women a lot as it doesn’t feel real and it doesn’t feel like something I should be doing.

I’m torn because I want to know why I felt that way with guys when I was younger? Liking them in fiction but not in real life? I feel like I’m waiting for someone to change my mind, and every time I see a conventionally attractive guy I question my attraction to woman because “what if he’s the one”, even someone assuming that I’m straight sends me into a questioning spiral of “do I or don’t I like women?”

Thoughts?

I’m feeling a bit lost atm and was looking for some advice.

I’m in my early twenties and have sort of been going through a bit of a crisis in regard to my sexuality.

Growing up, I was never too interested in anyone. I had “crushes” on boys but I feel as though it was more so about attention and gaining popularity amongst my peers by having a boyfriend.

I had always been genuinely surprised at how interested people in high school were in having sex. I felt a bit out of place because I didn’t really feel that way to anyone and thought I was maybe just too immature and one day I would feel the same as they did.

However, now in my 20s, I still having felt anything? I have maybe felt sexual attraction once or twice towards women but this is fleeting and usually faded with time or if things start to become a bit more serious it’s like I run away.

Does anyone have any similar experiences that could point me in the right direction?

Hi all! I’m not sure if this is the right feed for this post, but I will give it a go.

I have identified as lesbian for around a year now and I have been wanting things to happen organically. I’m very straight-passing and have been trying to wear different things to signal that I’m gay (thumb rings for example lol)

Recently, after many months of being unsuccessful in trying to meet people in my day to day life (I have found and made friends with other lesbians but they are alwaysss in relationships), I have started dating using dating apps but haven’t had much success there either.

I feel as though I may be too straight-passing for other lesbians to be interested in me, or not cool enough? I always think other lesbians are super cool, like they dress well, and seem like such multi-faceted and interesting people whereas I’m just me 🤷‍♀️

I have a friend who is a lesbian (in a relationship) and I have spoken to her about not feeling desirable and she has told me that she thinks it’s because I’m pretty and really nice that people get intimidated by me? I feel like she was just trying to make me feel better tbh because on dates I try impress but just haven’t made an impact, especially with the women I’m really interested in.

I’m just looking for advice on how to be more appealing I suppose?

I recently have come out as lesbian to a few members of my family.

My sexuality is something I never really questioned until I actually started dating guys and realised that I have never actually felt sexually attracted to them.

Over the past year, I have been exploring my attraction to women, and everything feels like it is finally making sense. I definitely feel sexual attraction to women and to put it plainly, I understand what everyone is talking about.

However, I still struggle. After I go on dates with women, it’s great but when I get home I have a horrible shame response and more often than not have really bad mental breakdowns where I question my sexuality and say to myself I should just wait because maybe one day I will feel something towards a man.

I built up the courage to eventually tell my family what was going on. My mum thinks I am choosing to be gay, which she supports, but at the same time she thinks I can also choose to be straight so doesn’t understand my struggle is saying “I want to be straight but I just can’t”. She has always said to me “you don’t know how good it feels until you try it properly” which I found quite invalidating.

On top of this, I have had a few family members be accepting of it, but at the same time, tell me that sexuality is fluid. And whilst I can’t comment on other people’s lived experiences who might feel like their sexuality is fluid, it doesn’t feel that way for me.

This isn’t a choice I making. I don’t want to be judged for the rest of life because of my sexuality, I don’t want to loose friends and family, I don’t want to exist in a world where homosexuality is still criminalised in some countries. And for, telling me that in 5-10 years time my sexuality will change and will magically become straight just feels like I am making the wrong choice in choosing to come out to people. Because why would I risk rejection and loss, if sometime in the future I can be straight? For me, it makes sense to wait until then. I don’t really know what to think, I was wondering if anyone can give me any advice?

Hi everyone 🌷

I’m not really sure how to word this, but I think I’m finally at a point where I’m accepting my sexuality within myself, and I’m realising that accepting it and actually feeling comfortable with it are two very different things.

I’ve told a few family members, and that was a huge step for me, but I still feel like I’m carrying around this secret. I hate feeling like I’m hiding such a big part of myself, but at the same time I’m really scared of what could happen if I came out more openly.

A big part of my fear is losing friends. Logically, I know that if someone would stop being my friend because of my sexuality, then maybe that says something about the friendship...but emotionally, it’s not that simple. I genuinely love and appreciate the people in my life, and I don’t feel ready to risk losing them.

The confusing part is that most of my friends are progressive and I don’t think they would have a problem with LGBTQIA+ people in general. But I worry they would react differently when it’s me. I think part of this comes from the fact that I “look straight” and have always been perceived that way. I’ve also had friends tell me things about their thoughts/opinions or personal experiences that I’m not sure they would have shared if they knew my sexuality.

I think I’m also struggling with internalised homophobia in the sense that I still sometimes feel like my sexuality is something that changes how people see me, even though I don’t believe that about other people. I would never judge someone else for being LGBTQIA+, but when it comes to myself it feels much harder.

For anyone who has been through this, how did you get to a point where you felt comfortable being yourself? Did the fear of losing people ever go away, or did you just have to take the risk?

I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences ❤️

Hi everyone 🌷

I’m not really sure how to word this, but I think I’m finally at a point where I’m accepting my sexuality within myself, and I’m realising that accepting it and actually feeling comfortable with it are two very different things.

I’ve told a few family members, and that was a huge step for me, but I still feel like I’m carrying around this secret. I hate feeling like I’m hiding such a big part of myself, but at the same time I’m really scared of what could happen if I came out more openly.

A big part of my fear is losing friends. Logically, I know that if someone would stop being my friend because of my sexuality, then maybe that says something about the friendship...but emotionally, it’s not that simple. I genuinely love and appreciate the people in my life, and I don’t feel ready to risk losing them.

The confusing part is that most of my friends are progressive and I don’t think they would have a problem with LGBTQIA+ people in general. But I worry they would react differently when it’s me. I think part of this comes from the fact that I “look straight” and have always been perceived that way. I’ve also had friends tell me things about their thoughts/opinions or personal experiences that I’m not sure they would have shared if they knew my sexuality.

I think I’m also struggling with internalised homophobia in the sense that I still sometimes feel like my sexuality is something that changes how people see me, even though I don’t believe that about other people. I would never judge someone else for being LGBTQIA+, but when it comes to myself it feels much harder.

For anyone who has been through this, how did you get to a point where you felt comfortable being yourself? Did the fear of losing people ever go away, or did you just have to take the risk?

I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences ❤️

22F, questioning my sexuality, and experiencing sexual attraction for the first time... to a friend who has a girlfriend

I'm 22F and still trying to figure out my sexuality. For most of my life I've considered myself somewhere on the asexual spectrum because I've never really experienced sexual attraction before. I've appreciated people's appearances and can find a lot of people aesthetically attractive, but I've never looked at someone and genuinely wanted anything physical with them.

About 6 months ago I met a woman through mutual connections. When I first saw her, she caught my attention, but not in a way that felt different from appreciating anyone else I find attractive. However, the more I've gotten to know her and the more time I've spent around her, the more I've realised that what I'm feeling is actually sexual attraction.

It's honestly been a bit of a shock. Suddenly all the things people say about desire make sense. I actively want her to kiss me. I want to be physically intimate with her. When we're talking, sometimes I have to look away because my brain is elsewhere and I'm trying to focus on the conversation.

The confusing part is that I've only seen her a handful of times, but every time I see her the feelings seem to get stronger rather than weaker.

The other issue is that she has a girlfriend. I have absolutely no interest in interfering with someone's relationship, and morally that's not something I'm comfortable with. We mostly hang out one-on-one, and I've actually made an effort to invite her girlfriend to things because I thought it might help me humanise her relationship and get over my feelings. Ironically, the woman I like is usually the one who only wants to hang out one-on-one.

I've tried moving on by dating other people, but I feel exactly the same way about everyone else that I've always felt. Nothing. No sexual attraction. No desire. Just appreciation. Which is making me worry that maybe this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing and I'll never feel this way about anyone else again.

So I guess I'm confused on three fronts:

1. How do you get over feelings for someone when they're unavailable and you still see them regularly?
2. As someone who thought they were on the asexual spectrum and is still figuring themselves out, what does this experience potentially mean for my sexuality? Is there hope that I will find someone attractive in this way again?
3. In future dating, should I only pursue people that I find sexually attractive? Or should I just date and hope eventually something grows?

22F, questioning my sexuality, and experiencing sexual attraction for the first time... to a friend who has a girlfriend

I'm 22F and still trying to figure out my sexuality. For most of my life I've considered myself somewhere on the asexual spectrum because I've never really experienced sexual attraction before. I've appreciated people's appearances and can find a lot of people aesthetically attractive, but I've never looked at someone and genuinely wanted anything physical with them.

About 6 months ago I met a woman through mutual connections. When I first saw her, she caught my attention, but not in a way that felt different from appreciating anyone else I find attractive. However, the more I've gotten to know her and the more time I've spent around her, the more I've realised that what I'm feeling is actually sexual attraction.

It's honestly been a bit of a shock. Suddenly all the things people say about desire make sense. I actively want her to kiss me. I want to be physically intimate with her. When we're talking, sometimes I have to look away because my brain is elsewhere and I'm trying to focus on the conversation.

The confusing part is that I've only seen her a handful of times, but every time I see her the feelings seem to get stronger rather than weaker.

The other issue is that she has a girlfriend. I have absolutely no interest in interfering with someone's relationship, and morally that's not something I'm comfortable with. We mostly hang out one-on-one, and I've actually made an effort to invite her girlfriend to things because I thought it might help me humanise her relationship and get over my feelings. Ironically, the woman I like is usually the one who only wants to hang out one-on-one.

I've tried moving on by dating other people, but I feel exactly the same way about everyone else that I've always felt. Nothing. No sexual attraction. No desire. Just appreciation. Which is making me worry that maybe this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing and I'll never feel this way about anyone else again.

So I guess I'm confused on three fronts:

1. How do you get over feelings for someone when they're unavailable and you still see them regularly?
2. As someone who thought they were on the asexual spectrum and is still figuring themselves out, what does this experience potentially mean for my sexuality? Is there hope that I will find someone attractive in this way again?
3. In future dating, should I only pursue people that I find sexually attractive? Or should I just date and hope eventually something grows?