u/SalamanderPast5791

Never delivering. What they say, believe the exact opposite

No, I am not angry or bitter towards you.

Yes, I regret every time I messed up with you and disturbed your peace.

Yes, I know I was not your absolute dream man, but you were my dream woman.

Yes, I handled everything completely wrong, the strength of my love for you absolutely overwhelmed me and I simply could not handle you. I was not ready to start a relationship, and I do feel we moved too fast, which was what caused most issues for us, I believe.. it made me question why such a beautiful woman would want me that way.

Yes, I am aware that you do not think or care about me in the slightest and have moved on. But to me, the strength of our connection cannot be ignored.

No, I do not tell anyone bad or mean things, and this is my only account, and I do not write bitter or hateful things. I do not have bitterness in my heart, only regret, shame, and love for you. Pure, unconditional love.

Yes, there are things you did that hurt me deeply and I wished every day for an honest apology from you that never came.

Yes, I will continue to lose sleep and live with the agonizing regret of messing up a future that finally made me excited to progress in life.

Yes, I still think about you every minute of every hour of every day

No, I have not moved on and will not be able to truly love or feel anything for another woman for a long, long time.. most likely years.

Yes, I do feel fundamentally misunderstood by you, and youve never seen the parts of me that I wish you could have seen, and to show you what we could have been.. I would give you anything you desired.

You made me the happiest and healthiest I had ever been, and my soul felt peace with you in the happy times.. I wish I found the words to say to you in person, but I thought we had time.

You wont read this if you think its me, because I now understand how thoroughly annoyed and exhausted you are by me.

I love you, and I know you will have a happy life regardless of what you do or where you go. Thx you for all the sweetness my love

Never have, never will, never would, ever

This is going to be long winded because there is a lot to explain, but I ask you to understand, because dreams are warnings and glimpses into the future.

Many years ago when I was about 19 or 20 I had a dream that I woke up extremely troubled from. For years I could not decipher its meaning, until now.

I wake up in a dingy wooden shack, hungover and drunk after presumably drinking myself to sleep. I sit up, look around, and I am living at work. I see work boots stomping outside through the bottom crack of the door and the sounds of guys shouting. Its work. I then cough up a bright, glowing white flower, and Im sitting there looking at it in my hand.

It troubled me to my core.

And now I realize, it was me losing my true love, the only woman that I have ever or will ever truly love. My ticket to happiness and fulfillment. Gone in the blink of an eye.

Now that all is said and done, and the pieces have fallen and lay where they lie, I have realized, through the good, the bad, and the ugly, the ashes that remain, I will never love a soul, as I have loved yours

I miss the quiet, boring, safe days with you. The days of staying inside with nobody but each other. A kind of bored happiness. Your house was my safe place, and I never wanted to leave.

But I felt threatened. All the times youd say things, just enough to shake me to my core, to make me wonder if this was real, to make me wonder if you are trying to tell me something or hint at something.

You can’t say things like that to people.. I never said or did ANYTHING to you that would ever make you doubt my love for you. Yes, I had my issues, but loving you and being attracted to you were NEVER an issue.

I thought we were stronger. I thought we were special. But your words and actions slowly broke me over time. You say thats what I did? No. Thats what YOU did. You never took an ounce of accountability, you never gave me a sincere apology. You only apologized to make it seem like you are a victim, when every day my heart ached as I analyzed the things you said.

I release you from my heart, I detach you from my soul, I let go of the bits and pieces that I cling on to, another relationship bound for the yard of graves of countless broken soul bonds, fading into the eternal sands of time

In that moment I forgot what was at stake, what horrifying pain lays ahead in a world without you.. all I saw was red, the culmination of all our problems concentrated into one critical moment, a moment where EVERYTHING seemed to have gone as wrong as it possibly could have. Right when we needed each other most, but we were each stuck with our own problems at that moment. You tried. I wanted you to try harder than me for once, for you to be the one to apologize.. and when you walked away, I snapped.

Forever missing you, my sweetie princess, and all the things we could have become.