AITA for not wanting to do anything with her family.
M30 with F28 — 8-year relationship still damaged by something I found out 6 years ago
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 8 years now, and there’s something from the beginning of our relationship that has honestly damaged us badly. When I first met her, she was living with her family at her sister-in-law’s brother’s house. When I started coming around and meeting everyone, I noticed right away that her vibe with him was really off. She would never talk to him directly, would have her niece ask him for things, and pretty much avoided him completely. I could just sense something was weird. About a year and a half into our relationship, we had an argument, and her mom was there. I asked her mom if she wanted to grab something to eat so I could cool off and get out of the house for a bit. While we were eating, her mom mentioned that my girlfriend being in a serious relationship was new for her because she had never really been serious with anyone before. She started naming people from her past, and then she brought up the sister-in-law’s brother and said she suspected they had something going on. When I got back, I confronted my girlfriend about it, and it turned into a huge mess. She left for a few days and made me feel like I was crazy for even thinking that could have happened. Eventually, she admitted that she did sleep with him, but said it was never while she was with me. Since then, this has created a massive problem in our relationship. It also doesn’t help that when she left that day after I confronted her, the same guy ended up picking her up and helping her out. She says she didn’t call him directly, she called her childhood friend, whose sister is married to him, but it still hurts because he was literally the person we were arguing about. He gave her money and helped put her in a hotel, and I was somehow supposed to just be okay with that. It’s been about 6 years since I found out, and our relationship is still damaged because of it. She doesn’t see her family much now because of the problems it causes, since I never know if he’s going to be around, and she blames me for not wanting to be involved with her family. I honestly feel stuck. I know this happened before me, but the way it came out, the denial, me being called crazy, and then him being involved the same day everything blew up still messes with my head. Sorry for the rant, I just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is something that would bother anyone.