u/Salty_Ad1137

I (44f) am having a really tough time getting over a breakup between me and my ex bf (40m). I broke up with him about 7 weeks ago and although my gut tells me it was the right decision, I am having such a hard time healing and second guessing myself. I think during the healing process you start to question if you made the right decision because your emotions are all over the place.

After reading a lot about attachment theory I am pretty confident that he was avoidant. In the beginning we had amazing chemistry, we had so much in common and physically we were both really attracted to one another. He told me he had never communicated that much with any of his previous relationships, I know it's cliche but I honestly felt like I had met my soulmate. Things were going so well until around the 6 month mark and then I noticed that he started to pull back. When we were together he was less affectionate and he began to make less time for us to spend together. The last three months of our relationship we only saw each other once a month and even though I was willing to compromise driving and my own schedule he would continuously use work as an excuse as to why we couldn't see each other, stating that he was working long hours and coming home just to sleep so it wouldn't make sense for me to be there and he would feel bad for just leaving me alone at his place all day. On weekends he was driving to see his kids as they live in another area. I hung on for as long as I could because he would reassure me that everything was fine between us and we would still talk to each other every day/night and he was just having a busy season with work. Fast forward to the breakup he told me he was going out of town for work and the day he left something in my gut told me that he was not telling the truth and sure enough later that day when he and I were on the phone I got confirmation that he was still local because the car he was driving made a beeping noise that his actual car always makes. He told me he was in a rental car which there would be no way that his rental car would make that noise unless it was the same model and it wasn't because I asked him what type of rental car he was driving. Long story short I drove to his place and knocked on the door to confront him. I asked him why he lied and he just looked defeated and said "I dont know". I gave him all of his gifts back that he ever gave me and told him he could throw my things away that I had left there. I got in my car and drove back home and we haven't spoken since then.

It just feels makes me feel so incredibly sad and crappy because I treated him with nothing but kindness and respect while we were together and for him to just throw my feelings away like I don't matter is hard to process. It was just really cruel and mean to do that knowing that all I was asking for was to spend time with him and he was avoiding me on purpose. Especially the fact that he hasn't reached out to apologize at the very least but I feel like I wont ever get that because he wont want to face the accountability of being caught in a lie. At this point I don't expect to hear from him. I guess I don't really know why I am writing this, maybe to vent or just make myself feel better, I just had a tough day of emotions because today was a holiday and I spent it alone. Thanks for reading.

My insurance pays for 4 hours of in home care so I plan to take advantage of that after my surgery because I live alone and wouldn't have anyone consistent in my family who can help me. What part of the day did you feel was the most challenging and where you felt you needed the most assistance?

I am trying to figure out which hours make the most sense for me to request care

Slight Rant! I just scheduled my surgery date for December 1st and I am sad but looking forward to the possibility of living a pain free life again.

Since telling friends and family I have gotten so many opinions that make me feel as if they don’t think I have tried hard enough to avoid surgery and I know most of it stems from others and their personal stance on my fertility because I don’t have children. I’m 44 so at this point so my chances are slim anyway because I’m not in a relationship or close to one. I’ve also had 6 egg retrievals when I was married a few years ago so trust me I have tried.

But I am just super annoyed that anyone would think I would just want to have a serious medical surgery unless I really needed it. I have been in excruciating pain for almost two years now. I have endo, adeno and fibroids. I have tried birth control and had two UAE procedures. I am DONE! I’m exhausted. People just really don’t understand how this feels to live in constant agony, no life, can’t even do normal things half the time because I’m suffering.

I have a few surgery scars on my feet and toes and have been looking into micro needling to see if that would help improve them.

I want to save on the cost because the areas are so small that spending $200 per area would be so expensive.

Would I be able to do at home micro needling with Dr Pen and if so how do I know which one to get?

I'm not quite sure why I am writing this, I guess to express my sadness and vent, not really for advice. I'm just really disappointed and crushed and feel very alone right now.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months, we started out very strong in the beginning and very hot and heavy when it came to physical affection and intimacy. We never argued or fought, the only disagreements we did have were around the 6 month mark where I felt like he started to change his behavior toward me. The physical affection and intimacy started to dwindle and around that time is when the length of time we would go without seeing each other would get longer and longer and it felt like he was purposefully avoiding spending time with me even though he would say otherwise and that he was just busy with work. I would give him the benefit of the doubt because although we weren't seeing each other, we still talked every day/night and he was always very consistent with his communication and reassuring of me that he still felt the same way about me and nothing had changed.

In the past three months we have probably seen each other three times for about 2-3 days each give or take because we live about an hour away from on another. And although I was willing to travel to him anytime to increase our visits, I always sensed some hesitation on his part. Over the last few months, I started to read more about attachment theory and I started noticing the similarities between his personality and traits that I have read about like the lack of affection/intimacy over time and also the withdrawal etc. On top of that he is introverted and started showing signs that he was emotionally unavailable.

This past week I had anticipated that we would see each other if he didn't have to travel for work since he had just been on a work trip the week before and visiting his family over the weekend. I asked him if the work trip was confirmed and he told me it was and he would be leaving this past Monday. To not be long winded with this story it turned out that he did not go out of town after all and lied about the whole thing which I can only think was to avoid having to hang out with me as he knows if I knew he was home I would want to see him. I don't want to get into the details of how I found out since the story would be too long winded but I drove to his place and confronted him about it. He was there at home about to head to bed and when I asked him why he lied about going out of town he just said "I dont know". He isn't very confrontational and just looked like he didn't know what to say. I gave him all of his things and left to drive back home.

I feel like I have always been an understanding girlfriend and someone who made him feel comfortable to talk about anything and everything with me so if he just wanted some alone time he could have expressed that to me instead of lying about it but I guess that just isn't how this whole thing works. I just feel like all of this was so unnecessary, he could have told me he no longer wanted the relationship but at this point I am so confused by it all as well as sad, hurt and just disappointed. I know I made the right decision and can deal with most things but lying is a deal breaker at least in this capacity. At this point I don't know if he is avoidant or just no longer interested and just couldn't tell me that 😞

Currently on 4 days of no contact and I plan on keeping my stance