Getting married in a few weeks and grieving the support I never had
I’m getting married in a few weeks, and instead of being purely excited, I’m carrying a lot of sadness I can’t shake.
My mom has never once asked how the wedding planning is going. In my culture, the bride’s mom traditionally helps plan certain events and hosts specific parties during the wedding weekend. She hasn’t asked about any of it. Not even a simple “how are you doing with everything?”
My siblings aren’t there for me either. I’m the only one who’s gone to therapy and tried to work on myself. One of my siblings stopped speaking to me because I lent him money when he asked, but told him I couldn’t keep helping the following month and that he’d need to live within his means. My sister kept making excuses about why she hadn’t booked her flight to my wedding. When I asked if she’d still come even if her boyfriend couldn’t, she got offended and blocked me. I think that was just an excuse and she never planned on coming at all.
My parents are divorced. My dad never really cared much and rarely checks in on me. And I know that the moment I actually asked him for support, he’d disappear the way he disappeared for years when I was young.
What makes it harder is that I’m marrying into a huge, close family. They genuinely show up for each other. They helped plan and finance the wedding . Being around that love makes it impossible to keep ignoring how little of it I’ve had.
I’ve built my whole life around being independent. I’ve carried myself, gone to therapy, tried to find love and peace within myself. But I’m walking into what’s supposed to be the best day of my life feeling so alone so sad and so vulnerable and exposed.
If anyone has been through something similar, how did you get through your wedding day carrying this? How do you make peace with celebrating without the family support everyone assumes you’ll have?