My rank is around 316059 and I don’t wanna take a drop but my family wants me to take a drop and I seriously don’t but Idk what else to do like theres no option😭
So I thought maybe private bds but idk if they’ll give me money to do that or not and im nog even sure if its right for me or not to confidentally argue for it to my parents, please someone help me and tell which colleges are best for me and what I can do now😭
My rank is around 316059 and I don’t wanna take a drop but my family wants me to take a drop and I seriously don’t but Idk what else to do like theres no option😭
So I thought maybe private bds but idk if they’ll give me money to do that or not and im nog even sure if its right for me or not to confidentally argue for it to my parents, please someone help me and tell which colleges are best for me and what I can do now😭
Everything is one side but when a guy waits for you no matter how long it'd take for you to finally get ready to see him that way, honestly thats the most adorable thing there is. Keeps smiling and teases you even if u were rude to him.
Makes you feel like ur more imp than you thought, gets excited abt your success more than you, possessive in the most sweet way possible, someone whos always there whenever ur at the lowest. laugh rarely that u feel like you always wanna see him laugh and when he does theres a diff feeling of satisfaction seeing that.
I think thats the cutest traits a guy can have.. I act like Idc in front of him, act all rude just to see him how predictable he knows I am. But you'll never see that kinda guy this way even if he was around there all the time, it took me a year to finally notice but not gonna make it obvious anytime soon haha.. (Pata hai aaj kya hua)
Never thought I'd be consistent this much cz I was the person who couldn't even study consistently for a week, but now even if I waste 1 hr a day more than the usual break time, I feel so bad, and I try to do double then.. Yk what it was tough initially but when you get the hang of it, you'll be more in control and that feeling is best!
I never hated myself, I hated the version of me who was lazy, ig im slowly starting to like myself a little more! Anywayssssss I rant once in a while don't mind heheh
So today I was just thinking how much I have transformed in a month..
and yk what the best feeling is, I stopped giving a damn abt anyone else and started thinking just abt myself, my future and how can I be fking rich.. How will I have the best life, how am I gonna make my parents live the life they deserve..
Yk what earlier I was like I want friends, I want that blah blah, I used to be like, god im so lonely, I need a bf, I need this, I hate my parents and what not, I used to be jealous of every 2nd person, why just cz they know how to be social and be confident and attractive, I used to think, ppl don't like me cz I give them too much importance and like just useless overthinking and now Im like wtf those ppl, those ppl who was enjoying themselves and showing off by their parents money, I used to be jealous of them ain't no way i was a dumbo now idc abt those things, that doesn't even come to my mind now, now I feel lucky to have a chance to get the life I imagined. I used to be so depressed and yk what it was not like I hated myself cz I didn't have those, the real reason I hated myself was thinking these things cz it was never me, I was never the person who was like that, I had a complete diff mindset which i think I lost that time cz I was always on internet, maybe talking to ppl on the internet, who had a mindset in which they also had the same thought, being surrounded by all those retards made me like that. The first thing I did was cut off internet completely, and yk what Im more than happy now then I ever was, I don't feel the slight urge to check anything, Im not on any social apps, just reddit sometimes to post something like this and yt that only for studies only and yk what distraction has completely gone, completely and im not even kidding, just doing this completely changed my mindset and yeah studying all day, working my ass off..
And yk what this studying is way way way less painful than the phase in which I didn't study, in which I blamed the whole situation, blamed my parents, thought to harm myself and what not, just cz I was never satisfied at myself, I always thought it isn't me, the things I did just to get away from my loneliness, that depression mann!!
I am healing now
I just wanna know so that I feel less bad