u/Sandylein

I was at dinner with a man I'm dating right now. I always ask about if a man wants kids early because if they do it's a waste of time for me.

So I asked him about that and he said "yes, at some point I want kids" and I told him I never wanted children and I think I never will.

He instantly pulled back and said "well it's not a must. But my mum always says she wants to have more grandchildren" lol, she already has 4 because of his siblings.

That really made me think if we're even on the same side because I guess it would be a thing in the future and I think he's not being honest with himself or me. Don't let you fool girls and boys 🩷

Me and my bf just broke up after 9 months. (We know each other for ca 1,5 years) I already felt something was off in the last weeks, I constantly felt like walking on eggshells around him so he wouldn't give side comments, was constantly emotionally tense, didn't really want to drive to see him anymore (1,5 hrs). But I wanted it to work out so bad.

We went fishing with his friends on this day and at first everything was ok. Suddenly he crashed out, stomped on his fishing rod, put his stuff in his car and drove off without saying anything to me. He just said to his friend "this fucking sucks, I will sell all this fucking stuff"

His friends were as confused as me, his best friend called him to come back but he said he has "chaos in his head and wanted to be alone". Even his friend said he's crazy for leaving me here after driving that far.

I drove another 30 mins to his house to confront him and pick up my stuff, because this was my last straw.

He was sitting in bed in his half dark room and when I wanted to talk he got avoidant and started walking away through his apartment but I followed him and said he should tell me what his problem is. Then he started telling me "I just can't feel anything, I'm empty, there's nothing. It's always like this after one year. But I don't want to change, and if I do, I always think I can do it myself. Sometimes I think about just ending it. I hated my exes after 1 year, never you tho, and I care about you. But it's always the same, you should have felt something changed between us."

I asked him if he ever thought about going to therapy but he said no, it won't help and he doesn't want any meds. I always told him we can talk anytime and I want him to be honest with me. It seems like he never was. When he was in a bad mood again he always said "It's nothing"

"well that was it then?" I asked, he shrugged his shoulders, I packed my stuff and wanted to leave.

On the door he told me " you know I'm not out of this world, or am I out of yours ?"

I said I don't want any fwb bullshit or something like that and he said he didn't mean that. I didn't say anyrhunf after.

He hugged me tight before I left.

I'm just confused, hurt, I feel like I wasted my time because he knew how it will end. And deep inside I know it's better like that. I feel like his actions doesn't match his words, if he doesn't feel anything why did he always come 1,5 hrs to see me? Why did he call me everyday? Made future plans etc.

I know he can be different and caring, I saw this side of him too, when we visited my parents for example he acted like the perfect son in law. And I'm sad he can't see his potential himself. But he is very distant too with everyone and can't talk about his emotions usually. Iust wanted to understand and support him with that.

On the other hand he also can be very hurtful, he liked to mimic me in a dumb way when he was angry, but he also did things like that to his mum when I was around. Sometimes I felt like I was with a 12 year old boy instead of all 31 year old man.

I will absolutely not text him after this, and I don't know if he will ever reach out. It hurts and I'm crying my eyes out but otherwise I'm enjoying the peace in my home alone for now. Without being constantly stressed out.

I just needed to vent somewhere and write my feelings down, thanks to everyone reading this.