u/Say415

I was diagnosed with depression 2 weeks ago because I've been dealing with the symptoms for a month before that. A week after taking SNRI, I started feeling better but in a way that I had a surge of physical energy first, but I still felt depressed. 2 days after I felt energized, mental clarity finally came with it, but I eventually ended up feeling mentally scattered.

I told the doctor on my second visit that I remember myself being depressed and mentally weak, but I also remember myself being mentally resilient, optimistic and confident in a way that I was productive and felt I could do anything. That's when the suspicion of bipolar started. They then prescribed me Lamictal (25mg)for a week and made me stop taking. SNRI. My 3rd visit, I was simply told to keep taking it and observe myself. This time, the doctor said if I "get better" then that means I'm bipolar. But when I asked what exactly does "getting better mean" (because if it's for depression then I'm definitely more functional and energetic now but that started after taking SNRI for a week, before I started lamictal). I was simply told to just observe myself and not make judgements by myself. I was a little confused to that answer. I'm don't know if I'm being too paranoid but I don't really trust this doctor. (the doctor I see is different each visit. The clinic seems to be on a rotation system)

To those who are diagnosed with bipolar i/ii, how did your diagnosis go? What did you or your doctor do to confirm it? Is simply forcing this medicine on me really a solid method of diagnosis? I find it a little weird. They never tried to ask me more about my past or even my family history--this is something my therapist noted when I told her about the bipolar suspicion. She was wondering why they didn't ask me more.

I live in Japan, btw.

I was diagnosed with Depression and prescribed Duloxetine last week because I've been having really bad brain fog, lethargy, lack of appetite, trouble getting up and even eating or taking a shower for about 3 weeks.

One day last month, I woke up with a really bad shoulder and neck pain that I literally couldn't move. A few days after that, I just cried for 2 hours straight. I couldn't stop crying. I think it was the hardest I've cried since I became an adult (I'm 28). Ever since then I just dreaded everything. I've had to drag myself to school and work and even missed a few days of school simply because I really couldn't get myself out of bed. I just wanted to hide from the world and disappear. I had no interest in doing anything. I have been losing interest in my hobbies for a while now. Every time I am at work or school, all I want is to go home and back to my bed. I make a lot of mistakes because I can't pay attention and can't focus on anything. I have to reread something multiple times for it to finally sink into my head. Sometimes, I just give up.

I've been on therapy for a while now and when I talked to my therapist about my diagnosis, she says she actually think I have Chronic Depression.

My next consultation is tomorrow. But today, I feel a strange surge of energy and appetite. I was literally walking around in my room (I do this a lot while daydreaming...) I am quite confused about myself. I know this isn't the first time I felt depressed. Last month was just really bad that I finally decided to see a Psychiatrist. My therapist says that I have a very passionate approach towards work that I don't notice it when I am depressed. She says she thinks I have Chronic Depression. But what is Chronic Depression really? Is it about having depressive episodes where the non-depressive state is one level down the hypomania episodes? I remember myself being very motivated about life sometimes, but what feels like the "default" state for me is the lingering sad and depressing feeling. I have always felt like loneliness, sadness and depression will always haunt me.

I know I should just ask my doctor tomorrow. But I also want to ask some of your here for your insights. Also, I hope it would help me prepare for my consultation tomorrow with my doctor.

I was diagnosed with Depression and prescribed Duloxetine last week because I've been having really bad brain fog, lethargy, lack of appetite, trouble getting up and even eating or taking a shower for about 3 weeks.

One day last month, I woke up with a really bad shoulder and neck pain that I literally couldn't move. A few days after that, I just cried for 2 hours straight. I couldn't stop crying. I think it was the hardest I've cried since I became an adult (I'm 28). Ever since then I just dreaded everything. I've had to drag myself to school and work and even missed a few days of school simply because I really couldn't get myself out of bed. I just wanted to hide from the world and disappear. I had no interest in doing anything. I have been losing interest in my hobbies for a while now. Every time I am at work or school, all I want is to go home and back to my bed. I make a lot of mistakes because I can't pay attention and can't focus on anything. I have to reread something multiple times for it to finally sink into my head. Sometimes, I just give up.

I've been on therapy for a while now and when I talked to my therapist about my diagnosis, she says she actually think I have Chronic Depression.

My next consultation is tomorrow. But today, I feel a strange surge of energy and appetite. I was literally walking around in my room (I do this a lot while daydreaming...) I am quite confused about myself. I know this isn't the first time I felt depressed. Last month was just really bad that I finally decided to see a Psychiatrist. My therapist says that I have a very passionate approach towards work that I don't notice it when I am depressed. She says she thinks I have Chronic Depression. But what is Chronic Depression really? Is it about having depressive episodes where the non-depressive states is one level down the hypomania episodes? I remember myself being very motivated about life sometimes, but what feels like the "default" state for me is the lingering sad and depressing feeling. I have always felt like loneliness, sadness and depression will always haunt me.

I know I should just ask my doctor tomorrow. But I also want to ask some of your here for your insights. Also, I hope it would help me prepare for my consultation tomorrow with my doctor.

I've never been in a relationship. I struggle with keeping people close. I sometimes see my old schoolmates on social media still keep in contact with one another, but I'm just on my own. I have a tendency to go my own way and focus on my interests and forget people and the world (until the responsibility of being an adult hits me lol). At the same time, I have this strange sense of longing for connection. I just don't really know how to go about it.

There's one mysterious thing has been consistent in my life though and that is "a someone"

While I have never been in a relationship, there's always someone I'm drawn to. I don't know if it's called a crush or whatever. All I know is that I am "drawn" to them and it can feel drowning. There's always just one person and it would last for 2~3 years. Only literal physical distance would finally "free" me from them, which would take about half a year to a year of distance as well as complete loss of contact. Like I mentioned earlier, I struggle with keeping people close so...when distance and lack of contact come into play, I just disappear from people's lives most of the time. But when I'm no longer "drawn" to that someone, later on, another one comes out of nowhere...

I never really "pursue" a relationship because deep down I am torn between connection and freedom. But also, these people are somehow just unavailable. They're either in a relationship or of the same sex... (I don't even know my sexual orientation. I never really took it seriously but these people I have been "drawn" into are from both sexes).

I came across enneagram and the instinctual variants and I'm wondering if this is an sx thing? But reading some descriptions of it always refer to relationships and intimacy, which is actually something I apparently struggle with. Does that mean sx blind instead? I don't know if I want to be in a relationship because I do enjoy the freedom to live the way I want to live, even though it's a struggle sometimes. But at the end of the day, I have this strange feeling of longing. Yet, I'm not really desperate for a relationship that I would "look for someone." I just wish to feel the presence of the one I'm "drawn" into, secretly wishing I could express myself more.

And this whole thing confuses me because I feel a push and pull here. Am I an SX first or blind?