u/Sciaphilous

I'd like to share a bit of my breakup experience, in case it might be helpful to others. I was with my ex for 1.5 years. We had a remarkable connection. It felt miraculous. Both of us acknowledged it. This wasn't based on things like similar interests in music or hobbies. It was deeper. She truly felt like an emotional and spiritual peer. 

All of that said, the relationship was tumultuous. I was going through the worst time of my life: academic stress, family drama, COVID—it was a perfect storm of chaos. Regrettably, I didn't have my priorities straight. I took my ex for granted, focusing on my frustrations instead of the love between us. She certainly wasn't perfect. I don't mean to put my ex on a pedestal; nevertheless, I recognise that my irritability and aloofness were primary contributors to the relationship's downfall. 

In the end, she broke up with me via text. She said that I was amazing, that she loved me—but that she had to be okay. I let this sit for two or three days. Then, I panicked. I reached out: texting, calling. No response. At the time, I didn't perceive this as desperate. My messages didn't include any blatant examples of begging or pleading. I was just trying to communicate my desire for a conversation, stressing that a discussion was important for both of us. After leaving a note on her car and sending a subsequent email, I gave up. 

The relationship ended nearly three years ago. In hindsight, my collective attempts to reach out did amount to desperation. Although my words might've been heartfelt and reasonable, they ultimately pushed my ex away further. The silence continued. I was completely devastated; however, I managed to resign myself to No Contact, accepting that persistent messages would just do greater damage. This was relatively short-lived. A few weeks later, I noticed that my ex was frequenting my social media. I took this as a sign to reach out again. "My ex is afraid that I'll never change," I thought. "If I can't show her that I've addressed my irritability, etc., she'll never take the initiative towards reconciliation." After wrestling with things for a while, I composed another message. This was about four months after the breakup, including several weeks of my ex's social-media visits. I sent the message. This time, my ex responded. No dice. She wasn't interested in talking. Despite my best-written efforts, she emphasised her commitment to moving on. Her response ended with "please don't contact me." 

Again, all of this happened nearly three years ago. I haven't heard from her since. My overall point is that No Contact is the best course of action. Even if your ex never returns, at least you've maintained/respected your dignity. Persistent attempts to contact your ex will only erode any shred of connection left between you—as extraordinary as that connection might've been in the past. Social-media visits don't necessarily signal an interest in renewing the relationship. Don't react; more importantly, don't hold on to false hope. Focus on yourself; avoid rumination. Move on as though there's something better on the horizon. That starts with self-improvement and support from friends or family. 

I don't mean to tell anyone what to do. Ultimately, I'm just trying to impart some wisdom, hoping that it might prevent someone from exacerbating post-breakup grief. If you're going through a rough time, I've been there. Heartache can affect you at any age; it's not just an experience in your teenage years or 20s. I was 36 at the time of my breakup; it's the most excruciating thing I've ever been through. Dark night of the soul, man—it's real, and it can make you stronger. Pain is temporary. If you put effort into moving forward, you'll come out of this more resilient than ever. Don't succumb to despondency. It might take a year or two or more, but you're going to be okay.

I'd like to share a bit of my breakup experience, in case it might be helpful to others. I was with my ex for 1.5 years. We had a remarkable connection. It felt miraculous. Both of us acknowledged it. This wasn't based on things like similar interests in music or hobbies. It was deeper. She truly felt like an emotional and spiritual peer. 

All of that said, the relationship was tumultuous. I was going through the worst time of my life: academic stress, family drama, COVID—it was a perfect storm of chaos. Regrettably, I didn't have my priorities straight. I took my ex for granted, focusing on my frustrations instead of the love between us. She certainly wasn't perfect. I don't mean to put my ex on a pedestal; nevertheless, I recognise that my irritability and aloofness were primary contributors to the relationship's downfall. 

In the end, she broke up with me via text. She said that I was amazing, that she loved me—but that she had to be okay. I let this sit for two or three days. Then, I panicked. I reached out: texting, calling. No response. At the time, I didn't perceive this as desperate. My messages didn't include any blatant examples of begging or pleading. I was just trying to communicate my desire for a conversation, stressing that a discussion was important for both of us. After leaving a note on her car and sending a subsequent email, I gave up. 

The relationship ended nearly three years ago. In hindsight, my collective attempts to reach out did amount to desperation. Although my words might've been heartfelt and reasonable, they ultimately pushed my ex away further. The silence continued. I was completely devastated; however, I managed to resign myself to No Contact, accepting that persistent messages would just do greater damage. This was relatively short-lived. A few weeks later, I noticed that my ex was frequenting my social media. I took this as a sign to reach out again. "My ex is afraid that I'll never change," I thought. "If I can't show her that I've addressed my irritability, etc., she'll never take the initiative towards reconciliation." After wrestling with things for a while, I composed another message. This was about four months after the breakup, including several weeks of my ex's social-media visits. I sent the message. This time, my ex responded. No dice. She wasn't interested in talking. Despite my best-written efforts, she emphasised her commitment to moving on. Her response ended with "please don't contact me." 

Again, all of this happened nearly three years ago. I haven't heard from her since. My overall point is that No Contact is the best course of action. Even if your ex never returns, at least you've maintained/respected your dignity. Persistent attempts to contact your ex will only erode any shred of connection left between you—as extraordinary as that connection might've been in the past. Social-media visits don't necessarily signal an interest in renewing the relationship. Don't react; more importantly, don't hold on to false hope. Focus on yourself; avoid rumination. Move on as though there's something better on the horizon. That starts with self-improvement and support from friends or family. 

I don't mean to tell anyone what to do. Ultimately, I'm just trying to impart some wisdom, hoping that it might prevent someone from exacerbating post-breakup grief. If you're going through a rough time, I've been there. Heartache can affect you at any age; it's not just an experience in your teenage years or 20s. I was 36 at the time of my breakup; it's the most excruciating thing I've ever been through. Dark night of the soul, man—it's real, and it can make you stronger. Pain is temporary. If you put effort into moving forward, you'll come out of this more resilient than ever. Don't succumb to despondency. It might take a year or two or more, but you're going to be okay.