u/Severe-Zombie5930

My girlfriend (f25) and I (f27) have been dating for a year and a half.

I love her very much; we were friends for a very long time prior to this, and I genuinely see her as the person I’m going to marry. This past year she was officially diagnosed with OCD after her first big flare up. It’s altered her a lot, and struggling every day has left her exhausted — she struggles to do a lot of things she used to do, and it’s definitely impacted us going further with our relationship.

I don’t mind this. We are both adults, have means of independence, and it gives us time to sort through what we need prior to moving in together — I am ready for that step, but she is nervous and I want to go at a mutual pace, not just my own. The issue is, her ocd is looping that she’s a bad person, hurting my feelings, holding me back … etc. it’s also moved on to telling her maybe she should be single and focus on herself so she doesn’t have to worry about hurting me, etc.

I obviously don’t want this to happen. It kills me to even consider it. I want to be patient and work with her, especially now that she’s in therapy and in the process of improving. Does anyone have any tips on how to talk to a parter who is struggling like this? I don’t know what to say to her, or what I need to do.

I also haven’t asked if the ROCD has improved, because I’m scared of triggering her… but it’s kinda haunting me, and I just want reassurance to feel a little more secure and less scared, but I know that’s a difficult topic for her currently.

TLDR: my girlfriend wants me to move, but she’s very reliant on her parents and it scares me to give up everything I have if it means no independence. I want her to move here first, experience independence, and get to know my family and friends before I leave them all and we settle in her home state permanently.

My partner 24F and I 27F have been together for nearly 2 years. We met online, but we’ve visited each other and most recently spent this summer together.

She’s still in school, and as such she hasn’t yet fully entered the work field. I didn’t go to college, and I have a stable decently paying job in New York; for that reason, the plan (to my knowledge) had always been for her to move here after she graduated since I have a job, an apartment, and stability. We talked about it a bunch, and it always seemed we were on the same page. Her parents are very well off, and they recently offered to let us stay rent free in one of the homes they own — I’d just have to leave my family, my job, and bring my pets across the country.

I’m not against this, and knowing one day my partner would inherit those houses and apartments they own basically always left me aware that we’d settle in California, rather than New York. I’ve never been against it, but I always thought we’d have some time in New York for her to know my family and friends before we left. I also thought we’d have time for her to learn how to be independent from her parents, before we jumped right into being fully reliant on them for the apartment / some living expenses.

Anyway, my partner finally came to me crying and said she doesn’t want to live far from her parents, even if it’s just for a year. She basically told me the area she lives in is beautiful and important to her, and since visiting me she realized she doesn’t want to live here or anywhere else. This scared me, I love her and I want things to work out, but it’s such a major leap for me to move across country and be reliant on her parents as I find a job / get my footing — especially without a degree, I know it’s going to be harder for me than it would be her. I also know once I drag my cats across the country, I won’t be back to New York again … probably not for a long, long time anyway.

She has the ability to move easily: her parents would pay for it all, and are going to pay her portion of rent until she finds a job here. My family doesn’t have that money. I have to do all of this on my own, and she doesn’t seem to grasp what a huge decision and undertaking it is. She doesn’t seem to see why it’s a big deal that I’d have to sell all my stuff, give up my well paying job, and give up an apartment I like — and that if I want to come back or things don’t work out, I don’t have my parents to fall back on. She’s also very attached to her parents, and basically goes everywhere still with them which I’ve always found a little weird, but chalked up to us living very different lives.

I guess the lack of compromise has me feeling awful. I’ve cried a bunch and we keep going in circles about it, and she keeps saying we’ll see what happens. She has OCD too, and has recently been in therapy, and that means she’s doom and gloom about everything because OCD therapy keeps telling her to not think too far ahead and just take each day as they come … which I understand, but a cross country move can’t just happen in a day.

Is there a way to talk to her about this? Is there anything more I can say?

My partner 24F and I 27F have been together for nearly 2 years. We met online, but we’ve visited each other and most recently spent this summer together.

She’s still in school, and as such she hasn’t yet fully entered the work field. I didn’t go to college, and I have a stable decently paying job in New York; for that reason, the plan (to my knowledge) had always been for her to move here after she graduated since I have a job, an apartment, and stability. We talked about it a bunch, and it always seemed we were on the same page. Her parents are very well off, and they recently offered to let us stay rent free in one of the homes they own — I’d just have to leave my family, my job, and bring my pets across the country.

I’m not against this, and knowing one day my partner would inherit those houses and apartments they own basically always left me aware that we’d settle in California, rather than New York. I’ve never been against it, but I always thought we’d have some time in New York for her to know my family and friends before we left. I also thought we’d have time for her to learn how to be independent from her parents, before we jumped right into being fully reliant on them for the apartment / some living expenses.

Anyway, my partner finally came to me crying and said she doesn’t want to live far from her parents, even if it’s just for a year. She basically told me the area she lives in is beautiful and important to her, and since visiting me she realized she doesn’t want to live here or anywhere else. This scared me, I love her and I don’t want to break up, but it’s such a major leap for me to move across country and be reliant on her parents as I find a job / get my footing — especially without a degree, I know it’s going to be harder for me than it would be her. I also know once I drag my cats across the country, I won’t be back to New York again … probably not for a long, long time anyway.

She has the ability to move easily: her parents would pay for it all, and are going to pay her portion of rent until she finds a job here. My family doesn’t have that money. I have to do all of this on my own, and she doesn’t seem to grasp what a huge decision and undertaking it is. She doesn’t seem to see why it’s a big deal that I’d have to sell all my stuff, give up my well paying job, and give up an apartment I like — and that if I want to come back or things don’t work out, I don’t have my parents to fall back on. She’s also very attached to her parents, and basically goes everywhere still with them which I’ve always found a little weird, but chalked up to us living very different lives.

I guess the lack of compromise has me feeling awful. I’ve cried a bunch and we keep going in circles about it, and she keeps saying we’ll see what happens. She has OCD too, and has recently been in therapy, and that means she’s doom and gloom about everything because OCD therapy keeps telling her to not think too far ahead and just take each day as they come … which I understand, but a cross country move can’t just happen in a day.

Is there a way to talk to her about this? Is there anything more I can say? Am I looking at this the wrong way?

Hi ya’ll :)

I’m 27F, 5’6, and in March of 2025 I was 301lbs. I’m 220(ish!) now, it fluctuates between 222 and 219 according to the scale.

Anyway, I made major life changes and basically self diagnosed myself with PCOS, started following the suggested diet, FINALLY for the first time in my life lost weight — and got an OFFICIAL diagnosis after years of asking, which got me onto Metformin and made weight loss even easier.

These past 2/3 months my weight just has stopped going down. I’m stuck here, and despite upping my daily steps and exercise, playing around with lowering my daily caloric intake (generally I do about 1600, as per app and doctor suggestions), nothing is changing.

Does anyone have any tips? This is the first time I’ve gotten stuck and I feel like my body is just rebelling, lol

Hi ya’ll :)

I’m 27F, 5’6, and in March of 2025 I was 301lbs. I’m 220(ish!) now, it fluctuates between 222 and 219 according to the scale.

Anyway, I made major life changes and basically self diagnosed myself with PCOS, started following the suggested diet, FINALLY for the first time in my life lost weight — and got an OFFICIAL diagnosis after years of asking, which got me onto Metformin and made weight loss even easier.

These past 2/3 months my weight just has stopped going down. I’m stuck here, and despite upping my daily steps and exercise, playing around with lowering my daily caloric intake (generally I do about 1600, as per app and doctor suggestions), nothing is changing.

Does anyone have any tips? This is the first time I’ve gotten stuck and I feel like my body is just rebelling, lol.

TL;DR at the bottom :)

Apologies, this is a long one!

My girlfriend (F21) and I (F23) have been together for 2 years. We are both in college, but on opposite sides of the state. Recently she started hanging out with a girl she met in class, and while at first it didn’t bother me, I started realizing they were together more and more often. It made me anxious, but the girl is straight and has a boyfriend so I was trying to push through it. Little things kept happening, and one night the girl had an “emergency” while my girlfriend was with her — we were supposed to watch a movie together and our plans got canceled, and my girlfriend said she only stayed because she was scared the other girl would be mad at her for not staying to help.

Eventually I did confess that the girl made me uncomfortable, and it was fully my mistake that I made it kind of a joke . . . My girlfriend and I laughed about it and moved on. A few weeks later, we found out their application to be room mates (which had been filed months before) had been accepted and they were paired together for next year. I was really upset, and we got into an argument about it — but it was the best housing offer she could get, so I told her I wasn’t happy about it, and I was uncomfortable, but she should take it . . . So she did. She hadn’t realized I was that uncomfortable, since I had said it kinda while laughing … not expecting them to eventually LIVE together.

My anxiety hasn’t really gotten better around it. The topic keeps coming up, and I’m so anxious that this girl is going to be a problem in our relationship — already this other girl is constantly asking to hang out, interrupting our plans, and relies heavily on my gf because she apparently also doesn’t have any friends at their school. My gf insists it’s nothing for me to be worried about, that the other girl is straight and has a bf who also goes to another school, and despite living together our time together for games/calling/etc won’t be interrupted by her.

This past week they went out to dinner and she didn’t tell me it was with this girl, who she’d previously told me she wasn’t talking to much since she knew I felt anxious. I guess the girl is leaving for summer break, and begged my gf to get together, so she went to say bye. Now, since then, she’s texted daily asking to hang out again since they did once.

To clarify — I’m not really worried about cheating, or that my gf has a romantic interest in her at all. I’m just scared of change, or my gf’s anxiety to people please will lead to this girl taking advantage and being constantly there, interrupting our time.

How can I make my gf understand these worries and set clearer boundaries? I don’t want to say who she can and can’t hang out with, and I’ve never been anxious about any of her other friends like this. This one just gives me a bad feeling. We’ve had so many conversations, but nothing seems to be getting through… we are just on two different pages.

TL;DR : My girlfriend and I are long distance during college. She recently became close friends with a girl from class who she’ll now be living with next year due to a housing arrangement made before I expressed my discomfort. I don’t think my gf is cheating or interested romantically but the friendship gives me anxiety because the girl constantly interrupts our plans, depends heavily on my gf, and my gf tends to people-please.

TL;DR at the bottom :)

My girlfriend (F21) and I (F23) have been together for 2 years. We are both in college, but on opposite sides of the state. Recently she started hanging out with a girl she met in class, and while at first it didn’t bother me, I started realizing they were together more and more often. It made me anxious, but the girl is straight and has a boyfriend so I was trying to push through it. Little things kept happening, and one night the girl had an “emergency” while my girlfriend was with her — we were supposed to watch a movie together and our plans got canceled, and my girlfriend said she only stayed because she was scared the other girl would be mad at her for not staying to help.

Eventually I did confess that the girl made me uncomfortable, and it was fully my mistake that I made it kind of a joke . . . My girlfriend and I laughed about it and moved on. A few weeks later, we found out their application to be room mates (which had been filed months before) had been accepted and they were paired together for next year. I was really upset, and we got into an argument about it — but it was the best housing offer she could get, so I told her I wasn’t happy about it, and I was uncomfortable, but she should take it . . . So she did. She hadn’t realized I was that uncomfortable, since I had said it kinda while laughing … not expecting them to eventually LIVE together.

My anxiety hasn’t really gotten better around it. The topic keeps coming up, and I’m so anxious that this girl is going to be a problem in our relationship — already this other girl is constantly asking to hang out, interrupting our plans, and relies heavily on my gf because she apparently also doesn’t have any friends at their school. My gf insists it’s nothing for me to be worried about, that the other girl is straight and has a bf who also goes to another school, and despite living together our time together for games/calling/etc won’t be interrupted by her.

This past week they went out to dinner and she didn’t tell me it was with this girl, who she’d previously told me she wasn’t talking to much since she knew I felt anxious. I guess the girl is leaving for summer break, and begged my gf to get together, so she went to say bye. Now, since then, she’s texted daily asking to hang out again since they did once.

To clarify — I’m not really worried about cheating, or that my gf has a romantic interest in her at all. I’m just scared of change, or my gf’s anxiety to people please will lead to this girl taking advantage and being constantly there, interrupting our time.

I don’t want to say who she can and can’t hang out with, and I’ve never been anxious about any of her other friends like this. This one just gives me a bad feeling.

How can I make my gf understand these worries and set clearer boundaries?

TL;DR : My girlfriend and I are long distance during college. She recently became close friends with a girl from class who she’ll now be living with next year due to a housing arrangement made before I expressed my discomfort. I don’t think my gf is cheating or interested romantically but the friendship gives me anxiety because the girl constantly interrupts our plans, depends heavily on my gf, and my gf tends to people-please.

TL;DR at the bottom :)

Apologies, this is a long one!

My girlfriend (F21) and I (F23) have been together for 2 years. We are both in college, but on opposite sides of the state. Recently she started hanging out with a girl she met in class, and while at first it didn’t bother me, I started realizing they were together more and more often. It made me anxious, but the girl is straight and has a boyfriend so I was trying to push through it. Little things kept happening, and one night the girl had an “emergency” while my girlfriend was with her — we were supposed to watch a movie together and our plans got canceled, and my girlfriend said she only stayed because she was scared the other girl would be mad at her for not staying to help.

Eventually I did confess that the girl made me uncomfortable, and it was fully my mistake that I made it kind of a joke . . . My girlfriend and I laughed about it and moved on. A few weeks later, we found out their application to be room mates (which had been filed months before) had been accepted and they were paired together for next year. I was really upset, and we got into an argument about it — but it was the best housing offer she could get, so I told her I wasn’t happy about it, and I was uncomfortable, but she should take it . . . So she did. She hadn’t realized I was that uncomfortable, since I had said it kinda while laughing … not expecting them to eventually LIVE together.

My anxiety hasn’t really gotten better around it. The topic keeps coming up, and I’m so anxious that this girl is going to be a problem in our relationship — already this other girl is constantly asking to hang out, interrupting our plans, and relies heavily on my gf because she apparently also doesn’t have any friends at their school. My gf insists it’s nothing for me to be worried about, that the other girl is straight and has a bf who also goes to another school, and despite living together our time together for games/calling/etc won’t be interrupted by her.

This past week they went out to dinner and she didn’t tell me it was with this girl, who she’d previously told me she wasn’t talking to much since she knew I felt anxious. I guess the girl is leaving for summer break, and begged my gf to get together, so she went to say bye. Now, since then, she’s texted daily asking to hang out again since they did once.

To clarify — I’m not really worried about cheating, or that my gf has a romantic interest in her at all. I’m just scared of change, or my gf’s anxiety to people please will lead to this girl taking advantage and being constantly there, interrupting our time.

How can I make my gf understand these worries and set clearer boundaries? I don’t want to say who she can and can’t hang out with, and I’ve never been anxious about any of her other friends like this. This one just gives me a bad feeling. We’ve had so many conversations, but nothing seems to be getting through… we are just on two different pages.

TL;DR : My girlfriend and I are long distance during college. She recently became close friends with a girl from class who she’ll now be living with next year due to a housing arrangement made before I expressed my discomfort. I don’t think my gf is cheating or interested romantically but the friendship gives me anxiety because the girl constantly interrupts our plans, depends heavily on my gf, and my gf tends to people-please.

How do I communicate my worries and ask for clearer boundaries without sounding controlling?