Frens,
for dis week's Moobie Toosday, Ai recrooted some ob mine faborite frens (u/GingerSnapped242 an u/mostlylurking07) an we made a classic!
Please bap yoor paws along:
🎶 Dey're eepy and dey're fluffy... 🎶
Da Addams Furmily!
Bap da picshures to see dem in all deir glory!
– Astra da Bard
Mine hat knew songs Ai neber wrote,
Mine teapot sang each silver note.
Da Rabbit rushed, da Cheshire grinned,
Smol Nia wandered wif da wind.
She found mine table, found mine door...
An laughter filled mine hat once more.
Da clock forgot what time should be,
So we invented "time fur tea."
So Nia smiled, an took a seat...
An ebery nonsense tasted sweet.
Da Rabbit paused, da Cheshire smiled,
Da Jabberwock turned meek an mild.
When clockz forget, an mapz get lost,
An sense get traded, tossed an crossed...
Da maddest roadz lead kind heartz home.
An dat's where wonders choose to roam.
Speshial Appearanse by Tali (u/Charivari8) as da Cheshire Catto
– Astra da Bard
Frens,
we bofe wanted to be princesses twoday. Nia wanted to bee Jasmine an Ai iz Merida. But dere iz no moobie wif bofe ob dem in it.
So Ai writed our own furry tail...
🏹✨🐾
Once upon a time...
...dere wuz a castle where da towers reached da clouds, an two princesses lived dere.*
Princess Merida Astra feared no mountain, no dragon, no mystery. If dere wuz a place no catto had climbed before, she climbed it first.
Princess Jasmine Nia watched quietly from da highest tower. She listened before she leaped, an saw tings dat odder cattos missed.
Da whole kingdom wondered who wuz da bravest.
But da kingdom wuz askin da wrong question...
One day a terrible beast arrived!
It roared, it stole fur. It chased ebery dust bunny in da land...
Da Vroom Dragon had come!
Princess Astra stood in front ob her castle, tail held high.
Princess Nia stood beside her, eben dough her paws wobbled just a tiny bit.
Da dragon roared again...
An da princesses made a bery tactical retreat beneaf da royal sofa.
Dey waited... an dey observed....
Dey made sure da dragon had truly gone.
Only den did dey emerge to reclaim da kingdom.
An da royal scribez wrote:
"Courage iz not da absence ob fear.
Courage iz knowin dat somefing else iz more impawtant...
an stayin beside your fren, eben when yoo iz scared."
Da kingdom had asked who wuz da bravest.
But da better question wuz:
Who holdz your paw when da Vroom Dragon comez for yoo?
Da answer, ob course, wuz bofe princesses.
An after da kingdom wuz safe once more...
dey celebrated da only way true princesses should...
Wif Churu!
Da End
🏹✨🐾
– Astra da Bard
Henlo frens!
Iz Astra here.
Mine sisfur Nia keep tellin eberyone Ai hog Meowmy's lite box, which iz not troo an probably salamander.
Anymeow... Ai wanted to introduce mine Pawther (u/Bolan23).
He gib excellent cuddlez, an somehow make da fud machines open on time. Ai no know how he do dat. Dey only open when he iz dere... eggsept for da timez when he iz not dere. Den dey open by demselbs.
Since Ai spend lots ob... occashunally some time on Meowmy's lite box, Nia haz decided to claim Pawther's lite box more often.
So if yoo see her postin from a different lite box, no worries! Iz still us.
So here iz mine official Pawther introductory pome:
Meowmy's lite box must be mine,
Ai need it for da pomes to shine.
So Nia found a clever way...
She claimed Pawther's box today.
He gib da scritches, soft an slow,
An somehow make da gud fuds flow.
Two lite boxes for our beans,
Now we can post from bofe da screens.
– Astra da Bard (an Nia aka Batcat)
(Edit: my husband has been reading all three subreddits (icbcg, lca and otrb) for a while. Now he wants in on all the fun 😅. I'd ask you to be nice, but you always are anyway 💜💜)
Frens,
tanks to da oberwhelming success ob License to Bap, an to da brilliant idea ob fren Marmalade u/FairyGodmothersUnion, Meowmy Pictures iz proud to announce dat pre-purrduction haz officially begun on:
**007: CHURUS ARE FOREVER**
Agent Nia Bond will return.
Dr. No may or may not return.
Da Churu supply...
will neber be safe.
Coming soon to a litterbox near yoo 🍿🐾
Frens,
we haz noo moobie fur yoo. We hopez yoo likez it as much as de odder moobies twoday!
License to Bap
Starring: Nia as 007. Da name iz Bond. Nia Bond.
Featuring: Astra as Dr. No (Meowmy always says: "Astra... no!")
Ebil genius Dr. No has stolen da world's entire Churu supply an hidden it inside a secret fortress protected by laser pointers, automatic vacuum cleaners, an one suspicious pikkel.
Agent Nia Bond must infiltrate da lair, avoid da tummy rub trap, an recover da Churu before dinner time.
Will justice prevail? Or will Dr. No escape wif da treats?
Dr. No: "If Ai cannot haz snacks... NOBODY HAZ SNACKS!"
Enjoy it wif a Churu... shaken, not stirred.
– Astra an Nia
Henlo frens!
Ai haz question:
On weekend mornings, when Meowmy an Pawther open da bedroom door, Ai do a happy trill an jump on da sleep skware. Den Ai gib tiny headbonk to Meowmy's hand an look for mine gray blankie.
If blankie not on sleep skware, Meowmy fetch it from da night stand. Den Ai make biscuits on mine gray blankie next to Meowmy while she still eepy.
Nia haz different rituals. She no make biscuits on blankies. But she haz fluffy fur ball. Sometimes when she bery happy, she squeak an trill an bring it to da hooman sleep skware.
An if she want cuddles, she also trill, den climb on Meowmy's lap, turn around till she comfy, den purr an gib headbonks an sometimes make tiny air biscuits.
Do yoo haz little family rituals too? Maybe bedtime songs? Morning sniffs? Special blankies? Secret cuddle times?
Ai wanna know!
Lub, Astra 💜🐾
Pspsps:
da picshure iz me makin da biscuits dis mornin. Iz not weekend, but meiwmy no haz to werk today, because she on holidayz
🦇 BREAKING MEWS! 🦇
After years ob rumors...
Meowmy Pictures finally announce:
BATCAT: RISE OF DA WHISKERZ
Starring: Nia as Batcat
Featuring: Astra as AstRaz al Gul
Critics already say:
⭐ "Too much bap." ⭐ "Not enough Churu."
⭐ "Could hab been solved by sharing one blankie."
Dis movie contain:
✔ dramatic rooftop staring
✔ mysterious disappearances ob Fishy toys
✔ illegal zoomies
✔ emotional support cardboard boxes
Coming soon to a litterbox near yoo.
Frens,
sum ob yoo may remember...
Ai already addressed da ridiculous rumors dat Ai iz Batcat here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/legalcatadvice/s/e77h080msF
But since we watch ALL da Batman moobies dis week, Ai feel obligated to make anodder official statement:
Ai not sayin Ai iz Batcat.
Ai just sayin no one haz eber seen me an Batcat in da same room togedder.
(Okay... Ai often say Ai iz Batcat.)
Also...
If yoo need me, Ai be on top ob da wardrobe...
...watchin ober Gotham.
– Definitely Not Batcat (aka Nia)
(The photo is real, no AI btw)
Frens,
dis week’s moobie iz PAWS.
It iz about a mysterious danger in da water. Nia approaches dis situation as a trained investigator. Astra tinkz iz gud snack opportunity.
From da boat, we study giant gummy Fishy of Doom rising from da deep. While Nia iz still tryin to find out if da big fishy iz safe, Astra iz alreddy figurrin out how da giant gummy fishy can be grabbed, chomped, an dragged ashore.
Hoomans tink dis moobie iz about catto bein in danger. Dis iz incorrect. Catto iz not in danger.
Catto iz da danger!
– Astra an Nia
Frens,
dis week we watched Robin Hud, da touching story ob one brave outlaw who say:
*“Why hoomans keep all da snackies in jar when cats haz empty moufs?”*
We tinks our meowmy iz da Sheriff ob Nothing-Ham!!
She sez: *“Yoo already had treatos.”*
We sez: *“Dat iz exactly what a tyrant wud say.”*
So now Astra become Robin Hud, brave defender ob empty bowls. An Nia become Little John, which iz confusing, becos she iz not little, not John, an mostly here for quality control.
But togedder we will rob from da rich an gib to da poor.
... an by “da poor,” we mean us, when da fud bowl iz empty.
Meowmy sez dis iz stealing.
We sez dis iz snackie redistribushun!!!
– Astra da Hud an Little Nia
Frens,
dis week’s moobie iz CATWOMEN IN BLACK.
Dis iz Agent N an Agent A.
We cannot tell yoo what da moobie iz about. We cannot tell yoo where da aliens iz. We cannot tell yoo why da flashy pen iz missing, after Agent N kicked it off da desk.
But we CAN tell yoo dis:
If yoo saw sumting suspicious today... no yoo didn’t.
– Agent A an Agent N
Frens,
​
Dis iz our noo moobie poster
🩷 Nia iz playin Glinda 💚 Astra da Bard iz playin Elphaba.
​
An exclusib fur our frens, we would like to purrform our favourite song from da moobie:
​
🎵 FUR GUD 🎵
​
🩷 Nia:
Ai've heard it said
Dat cattos come into our lives
for a reason
Bringing someting we must learn
An we are led To dose
who help us most to grow
If we let dem
An we help dem in return.
​
Well, Ai don't know If Ai believe dat's true
But Ai know Ai'm who Ai am today
Because Ai knew yoo
​
Like a toy mouse pulled from cat trees
By a string yoo can't see
Like a zoomie dat meets a wall
Halfway through da hall
​
Who can say if Ai've been changed for da better?
But Because Ai knew yoo
Ai haz been changed fur gud
​
💚 Astra:
It well may be
Dat we will never sleep again
In dis sunbeam
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Iz made ob what Ai learned from yoo
Yoo'll stay wif me
Like a pawprint on mine heart
​
An now whatever way our naptimez end
Ai know yoo have rewritten mine
By being mine fren
​
Like a toy torn off its wand
By a paw an mah teef
Like a treato dropped by meowmy
In a distant room
​
Who can say if Ai've been changed for da better?
But Because Ai knew yoo
Ai haz been changed fur gud
​
🩷 Nia:
An just to clear da air
Ai ask forgibness
For da steals yoo blame me fur
​
💚 Astra:
But den, Ai guess we know
Dere's fud to share
​
💚🩷 Togedder:
An none ob it matters anymore
​
🩷 Nia: Like a toy mouse pulled from da cat tree
​
💚 Astra: (Like a toy torn off its wand)
​
🩷 Nia: By a string yoo can't see
​
💚 Astra: (By a paw an mah teef)
​
🩷 Nia: Like a zoomie dat meets a wall
​
💚 Astra: (Like a treato dropped by meowmy)
​
🩷 Nia: Halfway through da hall
​
💚 Astra: (In a distant room)
​
🩷 Nia: Who can say if Ai've been changed for da better?
​
💚 Astra: Ai do believe Ai've been changed for da better
​
🩷 Nia: An because Ai knew yoo
​
💚 Astra: Because Ai knew yoo
​
💚🩷 Togedder: Because Ai lub yoo
​
We haz been cha-a-a-a-a-nged...
​
Fur guuuuuuud 💚🩷
​
💚*bows dramatically*
Tank yoo, tank yoo.
CDs available in lobby.
Treatos also accepted. 😸🎭💚
​
Henlo frens,
Ai would like to tell yoo about mine couzzin Bonnie.
Bonnie wuz a Golden Retriever. She lived wif mine Granpawrents, but she also belonged to mine meowmy's heart. From da very first day dey met, Bonnie decided dat mine meowmy wuz her person. She followed her, waited for her to visit, an somehow always knew she would come back.
Bonnie wuz gentle, not da loudest an not da fastest. Just da sort ob soul dat made da world feel a little softer.
She lubbed walkies through da forest near her house, cuddlez, treatos, an most ob all, her family. Bonnie wuz a doggo runnin catto software an bery big on crimez. Her greatest crime wuz tryin to smuggle her teddy bear out into da garden.
On Friday she had to leave ober da bridge. Mine meowmy an mine pawther hab been missin her bery much. So hab mine Granpawrents.
Ai neber met Bonnie myself, but Ai know she must hab been special, because whenever people talk about her, dey smile first an hab leeky eyez second. Dat seemz like a life well lived 💜
🐾🌈 Dis pome iz for her:
Beneath da trees where soft winds play,
an golden leaves drift down all day,
a gentle doggo walks alone
upon a path not yet well known.
She stops awhile, she turns her head,
for many tears were softly shed.
But from da stream, some noo frens call:
"Come rest where rainbow colours fall."
"Da sunbeams here are warm an bright,
da stars shine close on summer night.
Da grass iz sweet, da woods are wide,
an gentle paws walk by your side."
So Bonnie lifts her golden face
an steps into dat kinder place,
where every path iz soft an fair,
an love still follows through da air.
For though she crossed da bridge dat day,
her love remains, an here shall stay 💜🐾🌈
– Astra da Bard
Frens,
we haz noo moobie posters for dis week’z Moobie Toosday.
We hope yoo like dem.
No hoomans were harmed during production. Probably...
– Astra da Bard an Nia aka Batcat
Dis picshure iz me, Astra, befour Ai waz a pawet, when Ai waz still an illegal smol.
At dis point Ai wuz still on mine foster placement.
Soon Ai would go to da shelter an meet Nia.
An in da shelter, Ai adopted mine meowmy.
Ai pretended to be shy. Nia pretended to be brave.
We wuz bof bery convincing.
– Astra da Bard
Frens,
iz Moobie Toosday again.
We haz our costhumes, we haz Churu, an we haz blankies...
so now yoo iz all welcome for a watch pawtee!!
Today’s moobie haz eberyting:
twue lub, claw fights, dramatic kliffs, mysterous purrates, an one prinsis who definitely deserve extra snackies.
Nia say she iz Princess Buttercup, ob course. Ai, Astra da Bard, made mine costhume as da brave hero.
So come ober whenever yoo feel like it, bring yoor finest snackies, if yoo wantz, an den we start da moobie.
As yoo wish 💜
– Astra da Bard & Nia (just for twoday Prinsis, not Batcat)
Frens…
sumtimes da balcony look too calm....
Dat iz how da greebles get yoo.
Dey hide in corners ob da sky,
behind da netting way up high,
dey skitter, flicker, float an creep...
while innocent cattos try to sleep.
But not tonight!
Miss Nia scan da horizon wide, Miss Astra guard da other side.
One hear da rustle, one see da flash...
Den bof go EK-EK in a dash!
Who yoo gonna call?
😼GREEBLESBUSTERS 😼
No ghost too fast, no bug too small,
dey protecc da home from horrors all,
Though if da danger turn out fake…
dey still expect dere snackie take!
– Astra da Bard
Nia haz theories...
She say da birbs are not real, da red dot iz government trickery, an da robot vacuum iz powered by dark magick...
Ai not know if true.
But yesterday she stared at ceiling for seven minutes straight…
an den she whispered: “dey are here.”
“Who?” Ai ask
“…da beings,” she sayz
Ai wondered: “Do dey hab snackies?”
Nia narrowed her eyes.
“…why yoo tink dey came?”
– Astra da Bard