u/Sheadowcaster

I'm a 40 year old trans woman.

Visited home this past weekend for the first time since coming out to my family. My mom had a talk with my brother (39) nephews (20 and 18) and niece (11) before I came up to let them know what was going on (with my permission! decided it was better than just showing up and surprising them). My brother has leaned right over the past several years so there was some real concern on how he'd react and how that might impact the kids' reactions. His partner, the kids' mom, is even more to the right.

Got up to my mom's, got in the house, my niece was already waiting and gave me a big hug... and then immediately just wanted to show me her art and the TikToks she'd done recently and tell me about all the tea from school and the cosplays she's been doing. Like just "Ok you're here and you're my aunt now let's get to the good stuff aka me". My brother and one nephew showed up a few minutes later (other nephew was working, and my brother's partner was 'sick') and was... civil. Polite. Stayed for dinner. We chatted, had really a normal dinner, didn't discuss that I was presenting femme at all. I chatted more with my niece, showed her a bunch of pictures of myself and some of the cosplays I'd done (She was impressed). After a couple hours, they headed out.

Afterwards, my mom let me know that my brother was initially really hesitant about coming over, moreso about the kids coming. His big concern that he expressed to my mom was that he was worried that this was a phase/mid-life crisis sort of thing, and that if I went back to presenting male it would confuse to kids. (I'll give him some benefit of the doubt here - to him, this probably did come out of the blue, even though for me it's been something that I've known for many years and I waited until I was very certain to come out to family. He's got no way to know that.) And my 11 year old niece apparently told her father "[Sheadowcaster] being trans isn't a big deal. But if you turn this into something where I don't get to see [Sheadowcaster], I'm going to be really upset with you. I want to go to Grandma's for dinner and to see [Sheadowcaster], whether you're going to be there or not." (they live two doors down from my mom, so my niece walks over to my mom's regularly).

My brother apparently spent the entire day hemming and hawing... then called my mom a couple hours before I was going to get there, asked if he could come for dinner. Because his daughter had convinced him to at least make the effort.

That was win number one for the kid this weekend. The other one, that I found out today when I was leaving, made me tear up.

My aunt, my mom's sister, passed away last year. She'd lived with my mom up until she passed, so my niece grew up with her as basically another grandma (and she'd been basically another mom for me). We're a small family, and my niece was the only girl born on my mom's side in the past 60 years (not counting myself) - like 7 AMAB in the past two generations, just one AFAB. So my aunt adored my niece because she finally had a girl to spoil a bit, and, before she passed, she said that she wanted my niece to pick something from her jewelry collection at every birthday and Christmas as a gift, since she was the only girl in the family for it to all go to (my mom loved the idea and was fine with it all going to her granddaughter, she already had the jewelry she wanted). My niece had always loved looking at all the jewelry and dressing up with it, so she was overjoyed and really looking forward to this.

When my mom was talking to my niece about me being trans, she asked my niece if she'd be ok with me getting some of the jewelry as well. And this 11 year old kid, who is just getting past the "I want to know how many presents I got" stage, immediately said, "Of course she should, [our aunt] would have wanted [Sheadowcaster] to pick, too. We can both pick every year." In her mind, as soon as that conversation started, I was a girl now, that jewelry was meant for the girls in the family, so it was decided, we'd share it. Why are we even having this discussion?

So I got to pick a couple pieces - I now have my grandmother's pearls, and a pendant that was made from a cufflink of the uncle I was named for. A friend pointed out the wonderful symbolism of the latter - a piece that was originally made for a man with that name, but refashioned into jewelry for a woman. As for the pearls... They're gorgeous, they have a lot of meaning because I remember Grandma wearing them, and I know I'll wear them myself for some special occasions. But I also know that one day, I'm going to be giving those to my niece, and telling her about her great-grandma... and about how much it meant that I got to carry them for a while, because my niece was generous and accepting and loving enough to let me.

She's an incredible kid. And if more of her generation is like her, maybe we'll be alright.

This past weekend, I got to have lunch with my mom as myself for the first time, and it went better than I could have possibly hoped.

I came out to her back at the start of May, and she was immediately supportive (she'd pretty much figured it out), and I asked then if she wanted to get together a few weeks later on her birthday so she could really meet her daughter, which she was very excited for.

We met up, and the first thing she told me was that I looked gorgeous! Just completely complimentary the entire time. She had some questions about everything, naturally, but it was also very clear she's been doing a bit of homework ahead of time!

She told me she hasn't mentioned my being trans to the rest of the family (good!), and that when I've come up in conversation, she's just referred to me by name ('Pat' rather than 'Uncle Pat' to my niece and nephews) and tried to avoid using pronouns as much as possible so she's not misgendering me with he/him, even when I'm not present. She's also been going through jewelry and bags to find things that she thinks I might like!

I also got her a couple cards - one very sweet 'From Your Daughter' Mother's Day card that I wrote a very heartfelt message in, and one funny birthday one where I wrote "Yeah the real me is still a smartass, I don't know what you expected".

The most notable thing, I think for both of us, was how much more open and happy I was with her. For a very, very long time I've generally been withdrawn, I won't offer up a lot of myself to family, won't really tell them what's going on in my life. And now it was like a switch was flipped. She commented on it, and that I seemed so much more genuine. Which on the one hand, seems very obvious, but on the other, it was refreshing for me, too. Being her daughter is so much easier than pretending to be her son.

We're making plans for a shopping day when I go visit her for my birthday this month (which will almost certainly include my niece, since I'll be coming out to the rest of the family, and she's a shopaholic tween), and for her to come visit me later in the summer (she hasn't visited me in seven years). And I'm excited about those prospects.

Next up... lunch with my dad and stepmom this weekend. Plan is to come out to them as well. I'm fairly confident they'll take it well, but we shall see!

I'm not officially out at my job, but let's just say I've removed the door and walls on the closet and it's at best a cubicle these days. Light, office appropriate makeup, hair down, nails painted, femme wardrobe, and when I'm talking face to face with the public, 'girl voice' - about the only thing I forgo is a padded bra, so the girls have plausible deniability (for now). I get 'ma'am' over a third of the time, or 'miss' (less than I'd like, but, hey, 40), she/her, etc.

Today was a new one, though. Finished up with an older woman, and she smiled, thanked me, and said "You have a Happy Mother's Day, sweetie."

I do not have kids. I do not want kids. I have a cat and that is plenty. But girls, I cannot describe the euphoria that hit me when she said that.

I'm 40, MtF, been out for about 5 years and on HRT for a year and a half. My mom is turning 73 this month.

We live about 5 hours apart and meet in the middle every couple months for lunch.

I've wanted to come out to her for a bit, but I chickened out at Christmas and again when we met up in March. Told myself I really needed to do it today.

We had a nice lunch, caught up on everything with the family. Nothing in the conversation really gave me the opening until towards the end, when she asked how my friends were doing, are we still getting together to do gaming. I mentioned that we were, but we've been doing other things as well, like Broadway shows and that a couple months ago we went to a ball. I knew she'd ask what I wore, so I already had the pictures pulled up.

She wasn't shocked, more very impressed with how I looked. Said I make a very pretty girl. I then said, "Well, that's not the only time I've done that... I'm trans."

Again, no shock, just a growing smile. She immediately said she was happy I'd told her, asked if I was going to use the feminine version of my name or pick a new one. Just completely rolled with it.

I was honestly a little shook and asked if she'd suspected, which she said yes - I hadn't fully removed makeup a few times, I've been growing my hair out, going to the gym, etc. So she suspected it was something like this, just wasn't sure if I was going to come out as trans or as gay (jokes on her, it's both, just, y'know, lesbian. She laughed a lot at that).

But just immediate support, used the feminine version of my name multiple times after, told me how happy and proud she was and that she could get me some really good birthday and Christmas presents now.

The funniest bit to me was explaining a bit of me coming out and experimenting. I've never been a drinker, never drank at all when I lived with her. But I mentioned I go to a few bars now because they're friendly.

Her: Wait, you're going to bars? Do you drink now?

Me: Not often, but I'll have a mead or a cider occasionally, and we did margaritas a few months ago...

Her: I can't believe this. You never drank before. That's crazy! What's a mead?

Me: How do you have more questions about *this* than the fact that I'm trans?!

Her: Well I never saw you have a drink, it just isn't something I'd considered!

Me: YOU NEVER SAW ME IN A DRESS BEFORE I SHOWED YOU THIS PICTURE, MOTHER!

Her: Yeah but again, I had my suspicions there. Drinking, though?

So yeah I love my mom and she is amazing AND I'M HER DAUGHTER!!!