u/Shreksbigdick

I don't know where else to go. Crisis lines haven't helped me in the past. But maybe someone who knows me will see this and reach out.

I'm 34, male, living in Elk Grove. I have Asperger's, Ehlers-Danlos, chronic pain, and a history of childhood sexual abuse by a family member. My mother died by suicide on my birthday week in 2023. My family stole my inheritance, crushed my car, and left me with nothing.

I have a fiancée. She's been my angel. But I recently told her I'm a femboy – that sometimes I dress differently and feel softer. At first she was supportive. Now she's distant. She said she preferred me the way I was before.

I'm trying to be okay with hiding that part of myself again. I've done it before. But I'm terrified that if I can't be the man she wants, she'll leave – and I don't think I can survive another rejection. I already feel worthless.

On top of that, I'm broke. I have $56 to my name. My father pays $500 a month to live in my house until it gets forclosed on but it's not enough. I'm supposed to move to Oregon to live with her mother, but her mother has already given me the cold shoulder.

I'm considering ending my life. I have a method in mind. I'd go somewhere no one would find me.

But a part of me still wants to be seen. Still wants someone to say "you matter."

If you know me – from Raymond Case Elementary, Edward Harris, Monterey Trails, Horizon Charter or CRC – please reach out. Or if you're just a stranger in Elk Grove or Sacramento who can sit with me or point me to real help, I'd take that too.

I'm at Jones Park sometimes. Or just message me.

Please. I don't want to disappear.

"It's my birthday. I've been through hell and I'm still here. If you see this, say something nice – I need it today."

Moving to Oregon in July!

34M I'm moving from Elk Grove (Sacramento area) up to Lebanon, OR in early July. I'll be moving in with my fiancée and her mother's family.

Which means: I don't really have any friends up there at all. So I'm putting this out there.

I'm looking to make friends. The real kind. If you're alternative, nerdy, goth, emo, hardcore, Anime, book-reading, night-sky-watching, deep-thinking kind of human—we'll probably get along.

I don't care about your gender or orientation. I care if you're real. If you've been through some things and came out the other side still willing to be kind.

A little about me, honestly:

I'm shy. I have anxiety. And I can come across as a little bit of a dick sometimes—not on purpose. It's just how I grew up in Sacramento/Elk Grove. We say "hella," "sup," "what up," "how you doin," and a bunch of other things that might sound abrupt. If you get to know me, I might rub off on you. Consider yourself warned.

I like cars. I drop everything when someone needs help. I've done things I'm proud of and made choices I'd do differently. I believe in second chances and real loyalty. I laugh hard, feel deeply, and I'll show up for you if you show up for me.

Looking for genuine people to grab coffee with, talk about life or music or nothing at all, and not have to pretend.

If that sounds like you or someone you know in the Lebanon area, send me a message.

Let's be weird. 🖤

Moving to Oregon in July!

34M I'm moving from Elk Grove (Sacramento area) up to Lebanon, OR in early July. I'll be moving in with my fiancée and her mother's family.

Which means: I don't really have any friends up there at all. So I'm putting this out there.

I'm looking to make friends. The real kind. If you're alternative, nerdy, goth, emo, hardcore, Anime, book-reading, night-sky-watching, deep-thinking kind of human—we'll probably get along.

I don't care about your gender or orientation. I care if you're real. If you've been through some things and came out the other side still willing to be kind.

A little about me, honestly:

I'm shy. I have anxiety. And I can come across as a little bit of a dick sometimes—not on purpose. It's just how I grew up in Sacramento/Elk Grove. We say "hella," "sup," "what up," "how you doin," and a bunch of other things that might sound abrupt. If you get to know me, I might rub off on you. Consider yourself warned.

I like cars. I drop everything when someone needs help. I've done things I'm proud of and made choices I'd do differently. I believe in second chances and real loyalty. I laugh hard, feel deeply, and I'll show up for you if you show up for me.

Looking for genuine people to grab coffee with, talk about life or music or nothing at all, and not have to pretend.

If that sounds like you or someone you know in the Lebanon area, send me a message.

Let's be weird. 🖤

34M I'm moving from Elk Grove (Sacramento area) up to Lebanon, OR in early July. I'll be moving in with my fiancée and her mother's family.

Which means: I don't really have any friends up there at all. So I'm putting this out there.

I'm looking to make friends. The real kind. If you're alternative, nerdy, goth, emo, hardcore, Anime, book-reading, night-sky-watching, deep-thinking kind of human—we'll probably get along.

I don't care about your gender or orientation. I care if you're real. If you've been through some things and came out the other side still willing to be kind.

A little about me, honestly:

I'm shy. I have anxiety. And I can come across as a little bit of a dick sometimes—not on purpose. It's just how I grew up in Sacramento/Elk Grove. We say "hella," "sup," "what up," "how you doin," and a bunch of other things that might sound abrupt. If you get to know me, I might rub off on you. Consider yourself warned.

I like cars. I drop everything when someone needs help. I've done things I'm proud of and made choices I'd do differently. I believe in second chances and real loyalty. I laugh hard, feel deeply, and I'll show up for you if you show up for me.

Looking for genuine people to grab coffee with, talk about life or music or nothing at all, and not have to pretend.

If that sounds like you or someone you know in the Lebanon area, send me a message.

Let's be weird. 🖤