u/SiccSadGorl

I know you’re scrolling instead of studying.
So put that brain to work and tell me anything about whatever you’re studying without looking at your notes.
I’ll go first :
Signs of BRD in cattle are : Lethargy, Isolation from the herd, lack of appetite, wheezing, nasal discharge

Howdy!

I (21F) will be graduating from college in May with a Bachelor's degree in Animal Sciences. When I started college, I originally wanted to become a Wildlife Biologist, but then switched for a couple of reasons. I go to a PWI, and everyone around me had spent their entire lives surrounded by wildlife and went birding. But I grew up in downtown Dallas watching nature documentaries and reading animal books. I got horrific imposter syndrome and quickly switched to Animal Sciences... and the imposter syndrome became even worse. It wasn't uncommon to be the only Black American girl in my classes, with even less livestock experience even after being an equestrian for quite some time (however, being a black equestrian had its own set of issues)

Eventually, I settled on becoming an embryologist (IVF), but for me to do that, I either needed to be lucky enough for a lab to train someone brand new or take out loans to attend my dream program. So, I went at it and got some lab experience, but due to a heavy course load this semester, I am having to take a break to focus on my studies, which makes me even more frustrated because that is three months of experience I am losing.

Not only that, but I don't even think I want to become an embryologist anymore - at least not right away. I want to actually experience lab life before pouring thousands of dollars into a master's program. So, I planned to take a year or two off and work in a laboratory setting- specifically, andrology- to see if I actually liked it. But jobs are so hard to come by these days. Especially something as niche as reproductive technology.

So here's the thing:

I am not a very smart person. I struggle (Like really) with math, and my brain sometimes short-circuits (I thought it was 2027 and looked my mom dead in the face and told her that her car tags were expired). I struggle to get good test scores and often procrastinate (as I am doing now).

Even worse, in my entire time being in college, I haven't been able to make a single friend. I tried a couple of times, even made my own club, but I can never seem to get past that barrier. I isolate myself from others, fearing that they don't actually like being around me. My manner of speaking has also changed, so sometimes I don't even know what I am saying half the time, or it comes off as odd to people who don't exist inside my head.

I tried filling the void with boyfriends; the first one I would commute an hour every weekend just to see him, and then we eventually broke up. My current one - whom I love very dearly and who will most likely be my life partner - still doesn't fix how empty and alone I feel.

To add insult to injury, for my entire time in school, my entire existence has been funded by my parents: rent, groceries, gas, a stipend. I have had jobs (mostly during the summer), but I feel so incredibly guilty and a burden to my family for how much money they have invested in me. I haven't actually had to live on my own. I have never paid rent, never had to worry about bills; I am financially illiterate. I am so blessed for everything my family has done for me, but...

What if I can't ever repay them?

What if I don't get that job that will make all that money worth it?

Did they really pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a daughter who just turned out to be average?

Even worse, the jobs I want are so niche I have to seriously consider relocating even if it's for a meeger 23 $/hr. This becomes an issue because if I am still planning on being with my current boyfriend, then that also puts a strain on our relationship. For his job (which I won't state because last time Reddit lost their absolute mind), he wants to stay so he can at least be vested in his... something, idk; as I said, I am financially illiterate.

But to my mother, this isn't an issue. She wants me to "find myself" and explore the world and discover who it is I am, and I am 90% sure she means ditch the boy and live on my own for a while (which I have been living on my own with roommates for the past two years), but what good would that do because, once again, I will be completely alone.

All of these factors in my life have been building up into this dread and anxiety. I have isolated myself to the point where it doesn't even feel like I am alive; it feels like this body isn't even mine. My mom tells me this is the most exciting part of my life, but it's not.

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing to live for. Nothing to believe in. I don't know what to do; every option seems so hard and impossible.

Has anyone else ever felt like this before? What do I do? Where do I start?

How do I start to live?

(Just to note, I am not trying to sound pitiful or wallow in my own sorrow. I genuinely have no outlet, and keeping everything up is slowly killing me)

I am in the fall of my senior year and unfortunately I am going to have to cope with the fact that I have no friends.

Making friends is something I have never been particularly good at. After a point (I think it was around sophomore year of high school when we were able to go back to school after lockdown) I just was never able to find connections like I used to. I shriveled into myself and that kinda was the end of it.

I tried, I really did. I went to parties, hung out, did internships, went shopping, went to clubs, did all the things, the only time where I actually able to talk to people like a human was when I was drunk or high. But not once did I feel like..."Yeah these are my people."

I don't laugh anymore, not with people anyway. I don't go out unless its with my boyfriend, I don't smile. When I talk it feels foreign, like ive forgotten how to talk to people. It comes out awkward and dry.

I don't blame others for not wanting to be my friend as I know it's my own fault. I'm not a easy person to like. I'm not a happy person. I'm not funny, social, or even smart.

Idk man, it just sucks that when I graduate I will have to do it knowing I did it alone. And when my family asks me where are my friends at? I'm gonna have to look them in the face and tell them

....I don't have any.

BUT HEY, I'm getting that degree bitches!​

So earlier this week I looked at my bookshelf and realised something. All of my romantic fantasy books were written in the year of our lord and savior

2015

I mean I got ACOTAR, Red Queen, Throne of Glass, Frostblood, An Ember in the Ashes, aaaaand thats when I realised I haven't touched romatasy novels unless they've been a continuation of the series.

But here's the issue.

I will look and see whats popular and I am met with some of the following :

"Something something kingdom falling apart...something something shadow daddy Rhysand clone....yadda yadda trials...overthrowing kingdom's...badass 17 year old chosen blonde...blah blah fae politics...yeah yeah school of magic...something something....enemies to lovers"

You see, I used to be able to eat this shit up but idk man, I guess it's like I'm reading the same story over and over again.

I desperately need something different. I still love romantic fantasy, but I can't do another 19 year old chick saves her kingdom story*.*

Preferably I would like to lean into something with these vibes with romance still being the focus:

• Fairy Tale (curses, creepy tales, fairytale retellings) ​

• Bargains (Like damn now I gotta do shit cause I was bored)

- Medieval romance (dragons and knights type shit)

• Arranged Marriage (I'm still pretty iffy on enemies to lovers as I dont think its ever done quite right)

• Folklore

• Gothic (haunted shit, overall creepy stuff)

• Nonhuman love (I'm talking monsters baby, iykyk)

• Weird ass locations (places like the ocean, jungle, deserts, fuck I'll even take the north pole)

• POC main characters (I feel like I hardly see a black protagonist)

Examples :

A soul to keep by Opal Reyne (loved it for a cozy read but the plot was lacking)

Pestilence by Laura Thalassa (I think this counts? But still leans pretty heavy to the romance side)

Now things I want to avoid (UNLESS DONE IN A UNIQUE WAY)

• Kingdoms and court politics

• Trials/Tournaments/Competitions

• Rebellions and Uprisings

• Chosen one....?

• Generic Enemies to lovers (I actually really love this trope...when its done right)

Examples of books that I've read but do not want to read another version of :

- A court of thorns and roses (Yes I'm waiting for the last books to come out dammit I spent over a decade on them and by god I will finish it!)

• Throne of glass

• Red Queen

• Shadow and Bone

• Six of crows

• From blood and ash

• A serpent and the wings of night

• Fourth Wing

TL;DR : I want weird places, old magic, monsters, nonhumans, curses, folklore, Fairytale, gothic atmosphere, and romance that feels intimate rather than world-saving.

I 21, am a senior in college at csu, around my junior year I decided I wanted to become an embryologist and work in a clinical setting doing IVF. Since then I have been a lab assistant getting hands on lab experince (for free) in a cell culturing lab. I have also had internships at equine breeding facilities and taken more repro classes (Animal focused because I am an animal science student).

My dream program is the one year ART program at csu. The lab i was doing work for was the same building as the masters program and I got to work closely with admissions and their masters students. Unfortunately due to a heft workload I will be taking a break from lab work to focus on my studied.

Ive pretty much decided Ivf is what I want to do but there is only one issue...How the helly am I gonna pay for it???.

I have been EXTREMELY blessed to not have to pay for my undergrad as my parents front the cost for tuition, housing, food, and a small stipend. Ive had a couple of odd jobs at vet clinics and other animal related feilds but due to my parents wishes of making sure I keep my focus on school I only really worked during summer so ive got like no savings. Its also not guaranteed that my parents will pay for a my masters.

​Unfortunately, my residency is in texas so I do not qualify for in state tuition in colorado. An option is stay in colorado for a year, establish residency, and take out a much smaller load (though its still like 20k-30k).

What other programs are out there (or that you are attending/attended). How did you pay for them? What kind of financial aid is out there? Do you currently have a job after your program?

Due dates are coming up and I would love to know my options!

So I am lokey panicked because I can't remember if I took my birth control pill last night. I had quite a bit of wine, which is why my memory is fuzzy.

Here's the thing: my pill pack is set up to run from Thursday to Wednesday.

Thursday: Pill taken

Friday: Pill taken

Saturday: Pill taken

Sunday: Pill Taken (I explicitly remember it being taken because I was at my boyfriend's house, and I dropped it in my purse and had to go fishing for it.)

Monday: The pill is still there

Tuesday: The pill is gone

Now the issue is, as I am writing this, TODAY IS TUESDAY, so if that's the case, then I just took Tuesday's pill yesterday while I was drunk. Even worse, my boyfriend and I had sex, and he finished inside me, so I don't want to take risks. I also don't want to take another pill today because it is then going to throw off my whole pill pack.

Did I actually take it last night and just take the wrong day? Or should I take a plan B?

Totally random though but how fun would it be to read a book that follows a completely dysfunctional family. I never watched the actual show but I love a good soap opera/trashy Tv.

Whether it be fame, fortune, nobility, or the fuckin Jackson five I don’t mind. I crave a dysfunctional family story.

Bonus : If they’re performing for a audience

With the announcements of the next couple books of the series coming out, there is also a resurgence of some rather nasty naysayers. In almost every form of media I am apart of I keep seeing the same thing being said over and over again.

Allow my to paraphrase : "TheSe boOkS aRe WrITTen sOO bAdlY"

And other ludicrous allegations that have kinda alienated me from my other black book enjoyers out there.

Also for some context I am graduating college this spring with a stem degree and got accepted into a masters program for embryology.

My repertoire of books is also very diverse, in fact the last romantasy book I ever read was back in 2021 with the release of silver flames.

Since then I have touched every other genre other than this one. Not because I don't like it but simply because I was just kinda looking for ways to expand my literary horizons.

Well, I decided to reread my second favorite book in the series - A court of mist and fury and needless to say....

I don't get it.

The way this fandom (and frankly every other book reader) describes her writing is just the most awful most juvenile typo written slop since Twilight.

Now I don't study writing in any capacity but it's truly not that bad. Its simple and easy to read for casual readers.

The vocabulary is rather elementary and books focus on plot over prose - albeit a plot with many holes which is very common when writing fantasy/Romance ESPECIALLY considering the books have evolved since the first novel.

This isn't to say this book doesn't deserve criticism, because it does. All books do in my opinion.

I also think I should start by explaining that I didn't read ACOTAR until my sophomore year of high school which made me the targe demographic. I was introduced to SJM by skimming the shelves of the library where I found TOG wayyy back in middle school. So I was ALWAYS the target demographic.

I have since grown apart from that series and will probably never read it again mostly because I was OBSESSED for years and the magic just kinda isn't there anymore.

With the ACOTAR series, I read them as a older teenager into adulthood and I am no stranger to putting a book down if I think its dumb but at the same time...who exactly am I performing for? If it's dumb oh well 🤷🏾‍♀️

My personal unbiased opinion is this : I think SJM is an incredible storyteller, with a unrefined/underdeveloped secondary talent in writing.

⚠️ PLEASE UNDERSTAND ⚠️

This isn't to praise the author or bootlick (As I could honestly care less about who she is) but rather what she has created and how its reshaped this genre almost entirely (for better or for worse)

My biased opinion : I read these books at a time in my life where fandom spaces were niche to me and I read for the love of the game.A time where the only way I discovered books was to go to the library and pick them out. A time before I knew about influencers and goodreads.

Now take what I say with a grain of salt. When every couple years a book gets really popular. So with the rise of influencer sensationalism, they get blown out of proportion. Don't get me wrong this series has a lot of false names given to it over the years which has inflated their value :

"The best fantasy book"

"The best Romantasy book"

"The greatest romance"

Which I do not think this series deserves.

But that also doesn't mean that I think they are dumb or that their readers are dumb. Fun fact, I was at the dentist and she asked my what I was reading and when i told her I was rereading silver flames she claimed she loved that series.

Not every book is for everyone, that I get because trust I have read many a classic and award winning novel that I thought was absolute dogwater.

But if I read another post hinting that this simply written book is written for a dumber audience I will...throw a pound of bologna through someone's window.

I am a very educated young and gifted black woman AND DAMNIT LET ME READ MY BOOKS IN PEACE.

Rant over. Thanks for coming to my tedtalk 🙇🏾‍♀️🥰

Howdy!

I realised all my favorite novels all have one thing in common is that none of the main characters are black! As a black woman I really want to read about my people falling in love with sexy vampires and sexy things with wings.

While I am not picky on which part of the Diaspora the book features but I really want a character who are inspired by black americans and black american culture.

Howdy! This is my first time posting on here so not entirely sure if this is the right subreddit so like direct me somewhere else if this is the wrong one.

But anyhow, I am 21 years old and have been riding horses since I was about 14. I have always loved horses even before my parents had money to get me lessons. Well when I started riding I did all the things, I leased, I showed, I was the horse girl but I guess I was never quite "horse girly" enough. I didn't really click with other kids at the barns due to being the only black girl and I was rather shy too.

Well my last two years of high school things started going down the drain. I noticed that the trainers at my barn didn't really move me up despite the fact that I had demonstrated thaf my skill level had surpassed what they were putting in front of me. When I would ask them if I could do more challenging courses and jumps they would say yes for a lesson and then for the rest of the month it was back to trotting and catering crossrails. There was only one trainer at the barn that let me do more advanced stuff but I wasnt her student and she really only taught girls that showed multiple times a month and owned their own horses so she really didnt care much for lesson kids. They would only occasionally ask if I wanted to do schooling shows and never any graded shows. Sometimes they wouldn't even tell me if there was a show going on.

Well I got sick and tired of being ignored and my trainers only viewing me and my skills as just another lesson until they get to go home.

I lived in Dallas at the time so there weren't a lot of options for english barns that I didnt have to drive 2 hours into the boonies for. So I tried western and after my first lesson I injured myself and took a break. During that break I only three other times, one was a barn I didnt quite like and the others were trail rides on vacations.

Fast forward to college, I moved out of state for school and tried getting back on again but something felt...off. I was still able to ride and do all the jumps I used to but it was like something was missing. A couple other barns and lessons later that feeling of joy while riding and jumping never came back.

And that absolutely broke me.

Horses had been such a huge part of my life for so long and now that they were gone its like, what do I do now? Since I live in the mountains I'll still do a trail ride on my birthday and right now I am a intern at a equine breeding facility. Since I go to an Ag school a lot of the other students all ride or involve themselves with horses and they all seem so passionate for their love of horses and I just can't relate anymore.

And yet I think about horses all the time, I still have horse art on my walls, wallpaper, car. But every time I get back in that saddle the drive to be as good as I used to be is gone. Maybe its because im older now and my priorities have changed, but why can't I think about them without bursting into tears? Is this grief? Is that part of me really gone now? Has anyone gone through this or is going through this?

Anyway 😅 that was long, sorry yall.