u/SideQuestPubs

Anybody else's ns slip up and admit to such a thing?

He claims he doesn't think most people deserve to be treated like shit but admitted he doesn't equate that to "respecting" them....

But doesn't have any problem treating me like shit if he doesn't get his way all the time....

While (for example) throwing a tantrum about how dare I expect peace and quiet in the alleged sanctity of my bedroom when he doesn't expect me to be sleeping (at like 3 in the morning, I don't always go to bed by the planned 2 if I'm quietly reading and caught up in the story, and also get chronic migraines that can very easily be triggered by, say, incessant screaming, but according to him he's "used to" me being up later and thinks that alone invalidates the "no loud noise at night" rule)....

And implying that it doesn't matter that I was sleep deprived due to his screaming at god-only-knows what (I had assumed he was gaming because that's when he's usually that loud, but also how dare I assume 🙄, that obviously invalidates everything I had to say about the subect), I'm not allowed to be upset about it because, through no fault of mine, he's sleep deprived all the time.

And outright telling me it's my problem that I care enough to want to be treated with more respect than that but of course it can't possibly be his problem that he doesn't want to, no, it's his parents' fault which somehow magically makes it something I deserve to be punished for. I mean, I'm all for holding our parents accountable, that's the root of most of our problems on these subs, but you really can't have that one both ways.

Yup, classic narc. And he's all but said before, he thinks the adult "privilege" of not listening to actual authorities like the homeowner (because society totally works like that /s) also means having the right to be a little shit... but of course standing up against that behavior, well that's disrespecting him.

Stupidly enough this started with me telling him to put his dishes in the dishwasher, not anything to do with sleeping. But somehow we managed to have two completely different conversations from each other about the scissors he was opening food packages with and it went downhill from there.

The actual "raised by" part re the sub name? This is the golden grandchild that my nparents will waffle between criticizing me for "treating him like a child" (he's in his twenties) because I'm following their rules, versus expecting me to "parent" him to the point of sacrificing my own needs for situations that would only require a mild inconvenience that they refuse to make.

Oh, and he doesn't see humans as people. His words. (Also all humans including himself.) Which, short of branding him a sociopath, doesn't even make sense because that's a semantic argument.

Edit for the repost (the above has been pasted from its original version on another sub with extremely few changes here)

This recently got removed from the (main?) RBN sub because my nparents enabling the behavior wasn't enough to make it a "raised by" post. Looking through the network this seems like the correct alternative.... Obviously the inevitable "let me know if it isn't."

Eh, fair, rules are rules, it was only a matter of time before I'd have to find a new sub for him... as long as that's truly the reason instead of someone reporting me because they leapt to the same conclusion someone else politely asked me about. 😉 (Looking at the mod comments, it is just the "raised by" part.) Speaking of which, he is indeed an adult... a few years past drinking age in the US and I'm not aware of any other relevant milestones in his range.

To provide a bit of context that would otherwise require post history binging or maybe having seen my posts on the other sub, we, my nephew and I, both live with my nparents due to financial limitations: me with a student loan that would knock out the bulk of my paycheck if I had to also pay for my own place to live but here at least I can afford to pay a reasonable share of the household expenses eg "family as roommates, not landlords," him being unemployed and dependent on the ns for the bulk of his expenses.

Also... since I've posted about my ns' "medical advice" before, my migraines have so far not been triggered by that extra hour of wakefulness for its own sake. Not if I'm not actually tired. At least not in my adult years (I've had them for most of the 40 plus I've been alive). Being jolted awake or forced to stay up past the point my body is demanding sleep, however....

Could also be a "corporate rant" because why is keeping a tip something I can get in trouble for, but come on, people. (I've seen the training video. Trust me, I don't have the authority that would make it the conflict of interest they're talking about.) If you're trying to be sneaky about it, that means you know there's something to sneak. I'm not risking my paycheck over five bucks but I hate that reporting it to management is my alternative.

Hell, the "corporate rant" part could also be about how they need a system for donating it to a charity of my choosing or something like that.

Happened twice in the last couple of months. Blame my autism for my responses 😉 but first time I legitimately thought the guy was handing me something my klutzy self had dropped and didn't realize he'd handed me cash until I was far enough away that it felt too awkward to find him and tell him we don't take tips; the second time a woman and I were right under a security camera when she offered and I told her it wouldn't be very "surreptitious."

You really want to tip me? Ask me what charities I support and donate to them. (For the record, research into either migraines or autism will do though I don't have specific organizations in mind.)

Maybe "weird" because you're adding salt to a low sodium option, maybe not because ingredient control. You decide.

Anyway, last time I was sick enough to call in (and stayed in bed for another six hours, oof!) this was my dinner when I could finally stomach something. We had a leftover can of low sodium chicken soup that nobody else wanted--nephew had tried one before and said it had no flavor, and with how I was feeling I assumed that would be a good thing.

I very quickly learned just what he meant. 😅 Even feeling sick, I couldn't take more than a couple of spoonfuls without fixing it. I simply added a couple of pinches of salt, one iodized and one sea salt (I should look for an option that's both), and the soup was palatable enough to my migraine brain to finish the whole can.

Y'all, I know in theory that salt helps enhance the flavor that's already there but I think this is the first time I've experienced it... most things I've eaten either already have enough to taste "right" or I add it because I'm aiming for that salty taste so I've never picked up on this particular difference. I'm hesitant to buy low sodium soup in the future (we think this one came from a mobile food pantry) because it clearly needs salt to taste good, but if it means controlling the type I'm using it might be worth trying again.

Oh, and completely unrelated, but while digging through the leftovers tonight to see what I'm having for dinner, I totally sat in front of the open fridge devouring strips of bacon. Just thought the visual was too funny not to share. 😁 Hormel, "uncured" (celery and sea salts), fully pre-cooked (the kind that only needs 20 seconds in the microwave if you want it hot), and surprisingly without the typical three billion preservatives to keep it shelf-stable... just the salt.

Edit: Too many typoes. Swear to god I can't spell "low" today. 😅

First there is one of the "rules" of the internet: anonymity plus audience equals asshole. Namely in our case, the people who prey on this sub.

Then the very nature of an invisible disability being that if someone can't see it, they assume it isn't there. (Think hearing impairment vs visible hearing aids. Wheelchair vs balance issues. Neurodivergence vs literally any physical disability.)

And finally, as someone who grew up before the internet and learned that the purpose of a semi-coherent paragraph was a paragraph, not a stat sheet, there is the endless frustration of realizing that people deciding that any detail you (F43) neglect to spell out simply does not exist....

And combined we have my recent epiphany, that if you do not similarly spell out that you have a medical need, do not share your personal information because the specifics aren't relevant to your post when you know damn well that everyone has needs of some kind.... the default assumption on your audience's part is that you have none at all, you're in perfect health, and your comments will be judged accordingly.

Case in point:

we have a post I made months ago on another sub, where a coworker chewed me out--when I was the only one in my department and was with a customer one time and on the toilet another--for her need to page me twice.

Never mind that she was a no-show both times, at least once due to needing the bathroom herself, I had no idea why she paged me, and I needed to not leave my department unattended for long.

The single comment I got on that post was that, by mentioning her gender (solely because "the coworker did this" is awkward and unnatural and not because it was actually relevant to the post) I should consider that she might have had problems from menstruating... as if, by not specifically mentioning that I am also female or the multitude of reasons for desperately needing the bathroom besides "I need the bathroom," I was somehow exempt from similar consideration and deserved to be chewed out.

(This is not the only time this coworker acted like me doing my job by myself was a problem for her because I couldn't drop what I was doing in an instant... when the reason it's a problem is because she's also by herself.)

Or more recently when I vented about a specific instance of being a parentified scapegoat with regards to my nparents' golden grandchild (while said parents do nothing), I got accused on one of the sister sites of being a narcissist myself and their proof... is that I dared to vent about the situation. No, that I vented about how my nfather described the situation.

Because fuck my needs, right? Since that post didn't spell out the migraines, the acid reflux, the overall digestive issues, the bone density loss, the permanent medical needs that leave me scrambling to find room for what food I need when I have the opportunity to buy it (and which the ns will also eat without replenshing in a timely manner despite having more such opportunities) while my ns will fill the fridge to capacity with things that don't even need refrigerating, all details that can be found many times over in my post history by anyone who desires that context but which did not specifically relate to that post... I must not actually have needs (or none worth prioritizing) and am incredibly toxic for thinking that my ns should be willing to accomodate instead of dumping all of my nephew's needs on me like I'm the official caregiver or something. /s

And this one on a sub meant for victims of narcissistic abuse. Eesh. I wish I could say I was surprised but of course we look like a buffet to these people.

Also "the rest of the post is just YOU, YOU, YOU." Um, doy? What do think I'm going to say about a situation that affects me, me, me?

No, not even that the nausea is worse, the physical act of vomiting. We're not even talking dry heaving, here, like when my body's convinced I'm vomiting but nothing's coming up, I swear to god my stomach was trying to eject actual organs yesterday. Tried googling it later but all I found was articles on how being hungry can make you nauseated.

So the last couple of days were fun. /s

I don't know if I can blame it on having a cold, taking cold medicine, or pure coincidence, but Thursday was one of my rare "non functional" days. I was able to get groceries and fill up my car in preparation for going back to work, but once I got back home it was shower, pj's, an electrolyte drink, and just relax as much as I could.

Friday... was worse. The head pain that had mostly dulled by the time I went to bed came back with a vengeance, certainly not helped along by all the coughing I was doing from being sick, resulting in me waking up multiple times throughout the night, calling in sick about three hours before I normally get up, putting on a migraine hat, and going back to bed. And waking up multiple times due to the pain, vomiting when I've had barely more than a mouthful of water, and eventually going back to bed again.

I think I finally "got up" at about 4 pm (my normal time being 10 am). Took a shower and let the heat soothe the pain to a slightly more tolerable level, vomited a few more times (my back hurts now), eventually managed to drink a glass of water, eat some crackers, and then chicken soup for dinner.

This morning the pain is at "power through it" levels and I feel like I can go to work, starting with breakfast now that I'm sure I can eat again... and I got a hair in my mouth. 😅 Which started a new round of dry heaving. Here it is half an hour before I get ready for work and I'm trying to convince myself to finish the breakfast that's been on my plate for an hour.

Oh, and last night my dad said I should go to bed "early." 🙄 When my normal routine is based on my work schedule and I'd barely done anything except sleep when my body let me.