u/Significant-Ad-476

Long story short I went on my first date after being with the same woman for 5.5 years. My first and only partner as a 21M.

I told myself what I was looking for. It didn’t have to be exactly this but I’ve always gotten along with more “alt” woman or “free spirit”. Even though I’m a vanilla light skin lol. I don’t do hook-ups and only wanted long term/life partner matches.

What I was looking for- a “alt” girl, 5’5 or shorter, piercings, tattoos, little weird, hint of crazy, wants kids, marriage, long term relationship, older than me, fit, and just someone who will get me out my shell.

Anyway, I literally matched with someone exactly as described! Talked for a day then I strapped my 🥜 on and asked her on a date because we were already getting along on text.

So next day. We went to a cafe and talked for about a hour than went back to her place to hangout on her apartment roof and had a few soft drinks. Ended up talking for like 5 hours and we hit it off. Genuinely like her & we had a lot in common and wanted a lot of the same things from life. She made herself clear with what was “Boyfriend” material to save us time.

Towards end of the date, we were chillen in her apartment & she said her back hurt. I offered a massage and she said hell yeah. Than asked if she could take off her shirt & ofcourse I was caught off guard but said yeah nervously lol.

2nd tatas I’ve seen in person btw🫡. Gave a fire massage than got one myself than kindly cuddled for a bit and talked more before I had to leave.

That date felt like I had gotten to know her SO much and we both really enjoy the company. She even said she doesn’t like a lot of people or easily but she liked me a lot.

She clearly WAY more sexually comfortable which is kinda what I wanted but I was not prepared on my first date 😂

She calls me cutie, called me baby once today, slight spicy photos. I do like her a lot considering how shortly we knew each other.

She made it clear she wants something serious. Want to start a family before 30, maybe go back to school, and she’s just always been a relationship based person. She broke up with her “life partner” and ironically so did I. It’s like we found each other by some weird luck.

Ofcourse everyone moves differently but it’s All out of my normal but I kinda asked for it. Not sure if I should roll with it because I don’t mind but I’m scared it might be too fast.

Granted, I know I’m different from all the guys she was with before. So maybe she genuinely just fell quick because I set myself apart.

Feel like I snapped a one wish willow but it’s up to me if it’s good or not.

Thoughts?

What would you do?

I know most guys would kill for this but I’m just a handsome light skin who looks the part but doesn’t play the part……..yet😂

Hard to explain unless you’ve felt it

I was with my girl for 5.5 years. High school sweethearts and I truly got lucky. I was not a good looking dude and somehow pulled the girl of my dreams and many others at the time haha.

Over the years I changed and improved myself for her because it was the only way I would keep her. If I stayed mediocre, ide be disrespecting her and myself.

It got to a point to wear I convinced myself she was the problem. She was crazy and I was doing no wrong. She repeated herself many times but I never listened and played victim. This caused her to pull away and I let it happen but changing NOTHING.

I’ve been in these threads, gaslighting myself into thinking she’s the villain. Made myself feel better and got a false sense of pride.

Over the last few weeks of reflecting. Daily voice memos with myself, no social media, time alone. I suddenly realized I was the villain who blamed the world for his wrong doings.

People don’t like accountability and often run for support. I did in this very community and that’s why I want to share my new perspective.

I was the dumper and proudly admit, I made a mistake. I love this woman so much. I always thought we would last forever and so did she and I kept fucking up. That’s on me for hurting her and pushing her away.

I’ve talked to her trying to fix things and it hasn’t gone well but I won’t give up. We spent 2 hours on the phone and she said just can’t handle right now. That’s okay. I will continue to become the man I should’ve been and I will win her back sooner or later. Not crazy but hopeful because I will fight for love because I didn’t than.

I’m starting a new career, saving more money, reading more, no social media, socialize more, no 🌽 or distasteful comments on woman, daily reflection, more time with family, more studying, more self care, more listening, and just becoming better. Being better.

Truth is, I’ve never felt this way in my life and that’s why I thought ide share this.

Be selfish and fight for what you think is right for you no matter what anyone says. All I want in life is Love,Family, and Peace. I’m truly done fucking around being immature and wasting time.

I wish you all the best. Sorry for that crazyyyyy rant. Let’s win in life.

21M 5 year relationship ended 2 months ago.

Background: I was an ugly short sophomore who pulled one of the most beautiful girls in the school. People literally didn’t believe we were dating….
I was a mess honestly and was a depressed bum but I was still very kind and a good listener which won her over.

We moved in together almost 2 years ago. It was tough at first. I was lazy but progressively started doing more around the house. Eventually it felt like I couldn’t win though. Fix a problem, another one and repeat. I felt like a robot.

We had rough patches and one day she said she had feelings for a coworker (Kyle) and didn’t know why. I understood what “heart break” meant that day. I left and drove to a beach and cried on the phone with my buddy.

I went back and she made it out to be my fault. If I had treated her better she wouldn’t feel this way. Now I’m heart broken and self-esteem took a dump.

Fast forward, I didn’t improve fast enough even after putting more effort. She would freak out over my lunch box on the counter and I broke up with her because I was started to hate myself. I couldn’t do good by her.

We talked during the break up. She came over and made me vulnerable. Said there’s nothing embarrassing about it. She said I was gonna move on faster. She asked if I would have married her. Asked if I thought we were getting back together. We said we would respect each other until time passed. I didn’t want to break up but it was needed. It wasn’t a love issue. It was a comparability issue.

I still struggle to eat, and sleep is torture with dreams.

I found out 2 weeks later she went on a date with Kyle and she became COLD towards me out of nowhere. I experienced that same heart break but now with anger as well. Had the worst 24 hours ever. Than randomly I felt nothing. Still do.

24 hours after feeling hell on earth. I went from looking at her pictures and crying to not caring. From restless nights to calm ones. From having gut wrenching thoughts to them not bothering me.

I love her still but I hate what she did. How she made me feel and in some weird way, brought me peace.

I asked myself how could someone move on in 2 months after 5 years when I was always kind to her?

I concluded that I was fighting an uphill battle. She wanted me to be perfect while she also slowly lost interest. I regretted my decision at first but now realize it was inevitable. I was 100% invested in her and she was 70% me and 30% Kyle.

She is a 21F who’s very attractive and Kyle is 28M who looks like a………Kyle. She held me to the highest standard but the guy she’s with now is the opposite of me in every way. Looks, career, maturity, hygiene, ect. Her friends (they like me) have told me he looks like he smells and he’s ugly and they are confused wtf she’s doing.

I’m doing good in my opinion. But I still have this nagging question of- Why him?

I’m convinced she wants problems because it gives her attention and affection. She loves me more when I was a bum and less when I became a respectable man.

Everyone tells me I deserved better, my friends, my family, even her OWN FRIENDS said I deserve better. Yet she sabotaged 5 years over……Kyle.

Call me selfish. I deserve to be but anytime I see a picture of him I just laugh because wtf. If I was Kyle and my ex came my way. IDE question if she is insane or dumb, it’s that bad.

I’m not expecting an answer to these questions. Honestly just wanted to rant on here because this chat has helped SO MUCH. I was a doormat for so long (ppl told me) and I’m done being walked over.

Goodluck to both of them. I know what I want and I can’t wait for real love to find me.