u/SignificantFuel9168

I’m a 29M working abroad and living mostly alone. No real friends (online or offline). Grew up bullied, pretty introverted, and I think I never really learned how to build close connections.

Lately I’ve noticed a pattern I can’t break:

• I get hit with strong loneliness + need for physical touch
• I start craving intimacy badly (not just sex—more like closeness/being held)
• I end up on Bumble or looking for casual hookups
• It happens occasionally (maybe 3 hookups total)
• Temporary relief… then back to the same loop

I’m Christian, so this also comes with a layer of internal conflict/guilt.

It honestly feels like my body has learned to “expect” physical touch sometimes, and when I don’t get it, it goes into overdrive.

I already know the usual advice (gym, get hobbies, just date, etc.)—that’s not what I’m looking for here.

What I want to understand is:

• What is this pattern actually called psychologically?
• How do people break cycles like this without relying on hookups or forcing relationships?
• Has anyone actually gotten out of this loop for good?

I’m a 29M working abroad and living mostly alone. No real friends (online or offline). Grew up bullied, pretty introverted, and I think I never really learned how to build close connections.

Lately I’ve noticed a pattern I can’t break:

• I get hit with strong loneliness + need for physical touch
• I start craving intimacy badly (not just sex—more like closeness/being held)
• I end up on Bumble or looking for casual hookups
• It happens occasionally (maybe 3 hookups total)
• Temporary relief… then back to the same loop

I’m Christian, so this also comes with a layer of internal conflict/guilt.

It honestly feels like my body has learned to “expect” physical touch sometimes, and when I don’t get it, it goes into overdrive.

I already know the usual advice (gym, get hobbies, just date, etc.)—that’s not what I’m looking for here.

What I want to understand is:

• What is this pattern actually called psychologically?
• How do people break cycles like this without relying on hookups or forcing relationships?
• Has anyone actually gotten out of this loop for good?

29M, currently working abroad. Growing up, I had a very difficult time socially and was bullied badly in school. Even now as an adult, I still struggle with interpersonal relationships and often feel like things go wrong no matter what approach I take.

If I try to talk to people and get closer to them, it somehow ends badly or becomes awkward. If I stay quiet, especially at work, people sometimes assume I dislike them or am arrogant, and the atmosphere becomes uncomfortable.

A couple of examples:

Instance 1:
I have an Asian female coworker. We usually don’t talk much because our personalities never seemed to click. One day I casually asked her something about her visa status, and she immediately responded, “Why do you care?” I felt shocked and embarrassed. Since then, I’ve avoided talking to her almost entirely, even though it has been two years.

Instance 2:
I have a small Indian friend group here. Once, while traveling with a guy and a girl from the group, I got into an argument with my parents over the phone. Since that day, it feels like the girl has labeled me as an “angry person.” Whenever we meet, I feel like she subtly tries to provoke me into reacting angrily so others can laugh at it. It’s frustrating because it was just one bad moment, not my whole personality.

At this point, I spend most of my time alone and feel increasingly lonely. I genuinely want to improve myself and become better socially, but I don’t know where to start. I also worry that showing anger even once makes women see me as a red flag, which makes dating and finding a long-term relationship feel even harder.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of pattern? How did you improve your personality, emotional control, or social life as an adult?

29M here. I’m an only child and a pretty introverted person. Growing up, I was bullied a lot and barely had friends. I’ve always had a very innocent and sheltered personality because that’s how my parents raised me. They are similar in nature too.

Now that I’m at the age where marriage discussions have started, my parents have been looking for proposals through relatives. They don’t want to use matrimony sites because they feel it’s difficult to verify the background of completely unknown people there.

Back in April 2025, they found a 25-year-old girl through relatives. She seems very homely, and her family is quite affluent — her father is a CEO and her brother is from IIT. But the moment I saw her pictures, I just didn’t feel any attraction or interest toward her. I told my parents clearly that I wasn’t interested and asked them to convey the same to her family.

However, I later realized my parents probably didn’t reject the proposal directly. Instead, it seems they told the girl’s family something like “he isn’t ready/available right now,” because in February 2026 her father contacted my dad again asking whether I’m interested/ready now. In fact it looks like he has formed a relation with my dad with a plan that this will "happen" for sure.

So the entire discussion started again. I tried explaining calmly and logically why I’m not interested in this match, but none of my reasons seem valid to my parents. Their focus is mainly on the family background and status. My dad keeps saying things like, “Her father owns a company,” “Her brother is an IITian,” etc.

I understand that financial stability and family background matter in marriage. But for me, emotional connection and attraction matter too. I genuinely believe that without some level of connection, marriage becomes very difficult to sustain long term.

Growing up, I’ve seen people in their 40s and 50s cheat or become emotionally disconnected in marriage simply because they never had that bond with their partner in the first place. I don’t want to end up living that kind of life. I want to genuinely love my partner and have a healthy family life with love and emotional closeness.

Even after almost a year, my feelings about this prospect haven’t changed at all. I still don’t feel attracted to her or interested in moving forward. But my parents continue treating me like a child whose opinions can be overridden, rather than an adult making a lifelong decision.

This whole situation is mentally exhausting for me. How do I make my parents understand this better without hurting them?