u/Silent_Philosopher_

I was just curious.

My life has had its fair share of suffering. Probably more than most, but certainly not more than some.

I choose kindness because I don't want others to feel what I have felt.

Growing up watching others suffer and being powerless to intervene has made me very vigilant and protective of others.

Does this resonate with anyone?

Edit:

Thanks for all the comments. It was lovely to read your different experiences and nice to see my own reasoning be shared by a few of you.

If a guy you asked you out too soon, might you reject him?

Context:

I asked out a girl I've interacted with a couple of times. I would say this is somewhere between a cold approach and a warm approach. I deliver to her office building occasionally. Most of our interactions, 3 or 4, have been very brief. Me asking her for assistance, and just asking her about her day in casual polite conversation. She doesn't ask me back about my day.

During one interaction, our conversation was a bit more involved. I made a joke and she laughed and lightly teased me back. She also expressed concern for me not being able to complete my task and she went out of her way to assist me with it. I really appreciated this. I sincerely thanked her and gave her a moment to respond. She didn't say anything back. She just kept her eyes on the screen sitting between us. I told her to have a good night, and she didn't say anything again. Just kept her eyes on the screen. As I was leaving, I noticed her look up at me to watch me leave.

She generally has a neutral expression on her face. Not very smiley or much for small talk. I would describe her as quiet, reserved, and a bit socially awkward. I am also a bit socially awkward.

After this interaction, during our next interaction, several days later, I greeted her and asked her how her day was going. She responded, but she didn't ask back. I said that I owed her for helping me out the other day and asked if I could take her out for coffee as a thank you. Shes doent look at me when she responds. She generally seems a bit uncomfortable with eye contact. Her eyes went wide "Oh." and she smiles "No no no no no". She said it quickly which felt like nervous energy, but I'm unsure. The way she said it made me laugh a little. I smile and say "ok. ok. If I can't take you out, how about a free meal." she thought for a moment and asked me "what do you have?" I smiled and said "I'll show you" and I brought it up on my phone. She leaned in close to look at my phone and then she told me she doesn't eat meat. I asked if she was a vegetarian and she shyly said yeah. I asked "what about a salad?" To which she replied "If you bring me a salad I'm not gonna to turn it down." I smiled and said "then I'm bringing you a salad." When I came back she said "that was fast". I smiled and replied "I try." I told her to have a good night and again she didn't respond. Her tone through all of this, after turning my coffee offer down, was warm. She also seemed sad. I'm not sure how else to describe it.

This girl reminds me a bit of a friend of mine who is neurodivergent and has extreme anxiety. She can socialize with everyone, but when it comes to men shes attracted to, she clams up and gets awkward.

My question is if this girl seems not interested or if she might have anxiety and wasn't comfortable with how quickly I asked.

I assumed the girl wasn't interested after this interaction and thats fine. She's entitled to her preferences. I'm just double checking its not something I overlooked.

This is a question for the ladies with anxiety with regard to dating.

If a guy you were interested in asked you out too soon, would you reject him?

Context

I asked out a girl I've interacted with a couple of times. I would say this is closer to a cold approach than a warm approach. Most of our interactions, 3 or 4 have been very brief. Me asking her for assistance in something, and just asking her about her day in casual polite conversation. She doesn't typically ask me back about my day.

During one interaction, our conversation was a bit more involved. I made a joke and she laughed and lightly teased me back. She went out of her way to assist me with something. I sincerely thanked her and gave her a moment to respond. She didn't say anything back. She just kept her eyes on the screen sitting between us. I told her to have a good night, and she didn't say anything again. Just kept her eyes on the screen. As I was leaving, I noticed her look up at me to watch me leave.

She generally has a neutral expression on her face. Not very smiley or much for small talk. I would describe her as quiet, reserved, and maybe a bit timid.

After this interaction, during our next interaction, I greeted her, asked her how her day was going, she responded, but she didn't ask back. I said that I owed her for helping me out the other day and asked her out for coffee as a thank you. Her eyes went wide and she said "Oh. No no no no no". It came out with what felt like nervous energy, but I'm unsure. We continued to interact with each other for a moment afterwards and she seemed almost sad during the rest of the interaction.

My question is if she is not interested or if she might have anxiety and it got the best of her.

The other day I was rejected by one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. It wasn't exactly one of the most gentle rejections I've ever received either. I believe the direct quote was "Oh. No, no, no, no." But the way she said it just made me laugh. The whole interaction was friendly and playful without any awkward energy.

What's noteworthy from this exchange was how it didn't phase me at all. If anything the interaction made me feel energized. My self worth is determined from within, not from without, and she is entitled to her preferences. Her and I were still friendly/playful afterwards and I intend to remain friendly with her going forward.

I mention all of this because a lot of people struggle with rejection. If you can find a way to feel self worth from within, maybe through a skill or quality about yourself, and learn self love, rejection isnt so bad. We all experience it. I hope this helps someone.