Women can’t drive.
Women can’t drive.
Okay, before your moral outrage fully loads, let me clarify: I don’t mean can’t in the biological sense, I mean can’t in the way I can’t stop existing in absurd situations life insists on me.
I live in a cantonment, peaceful, discipline, soldiers walking, the kind of place where you expect calm… UNTIL you start running, i’m a casual runner, nothing fancy but four times now, four separate mornings of human optimism, I’ve almost died, every time, the driver was a woman.
Today, she didn’t just almost hit me, she did, launched me like some divine punishment for existing on the same road as her and honestly, maybe it was my fault for daring to believe traffic laws applied equally to everyone and I'm sure she probably convinced I was the one who dented her car with my ribcage.
Either way, I’m tired, my faith in traffic laws is gone and if one more person merges into me mid run, I might just start jogging in circles in my living room instead.
I know what you’re thinking, ''Don’t Generalize" and you’re right, i know correlation isn’t causation and anecdote isn’t data, i’m sure there are extraordinary women drivers out there, probably the same way there are polite people on twitter, they exist, just not in my timeline.
But after being nearly reincarnated four times by the same demographic, I’m beginning to suspect there’s some metaphysical pattern at play, maybe I’m the chosen sacrifice of the cosmic comedy, maybe the gods of irony decided “This one shall die, not by sword or sickness but by a honda civic with tinted windows and a self proclaimed independent woman”
I’ve read great philosophers but none of them prepared me for the absurdity of sprinting for self improvement and getting vehicularly humbled by someone trying to take a selfie mid turn.
Maybe it’s not a gender issue, maybe it’s divine art.
But next time, if I see another car swerving toward me, I might just accept it, perhaps that’s what enlightenment looks like resigned, airborne and whispering to myself as I ascend: Women can’t drive.