Confused about a family friend's son's mixed signals. Is there something there or am I overthinking?
Throwaway for privacy. I have social anxiety, so this whole situation has been a lot for me.
I (20F) have known "A" (18M) since childhood. He's the son of a close family friend, and our families are close (church, holidays, visits). Despite over a decade of knowing each other, we've never actually been friends. Both our families are also pretty conservative and religious, which is why there's never been room for private one-on-one conversation/interaction between us, since at least another family member is always around; and why anything more direct feels higher stakes than it might otherwise.
He's generally guarded and a bit "macho" about the idea of girls overall. Part of that guardedness seems shaped by his mom; who I think has encouraged that macho, somewhat arrogant persona in him. He sticks to his guy friends and avoids closeness with girls his age generally from what I've heard, but it goes beyond that baseline specifically with me. For years, his behavior toward me has felt different and inconsistent from how he treats pretty much everyone else. He has often/does avoid sitting near me, avoids eye contact, rarely greets me, and goes cold specifically when parents/family are around, while recently seeming more relaxed in group settings with other kids/young adults. On the rare occasion he did say hi and I didn't respond, he's checked my facial reaction afterward like he was trying to read me.
Growing up, there were a couple of mocking incidents (a laughing-at-me moment, an unkind comment relayed through my brother instead of said to me directly) that still sting. A while back, not recent, but not childhood either, there was a moment at a group outing where I was visibly having a rough moment (nothing serious, just something that made me look a bit embarrassed) and while others around me showed concern, he seemed amused instead. Another period of time, a few years ago, there was also a hesitant almost reluctant hug at his house around Christmas time that his mom had to nudge him into which then turned into a proper, both-armed hug.
Sort of recently right before I moved abroad temporarily for a while, our families went on a trip together. He mostly avoided me like usual, but there were a couple of moments he spoke to me directly — during a card game one night, and again during a beach conversation, though his tone in the second one felt kind of detached, like he didn't know how to talk to me normally. But other times on that same trip he was pretty distant — he left the moment I started showing my brother something, and when my brother directly asked him to help me steer a boat I was struggling with, he just ignored it and didn't help. When I was leaving to go abroad, his family came to say bye, and he stood the whole visit instead of sitting when offered a seat, and seemed to stare at me along with everyone else at one point.
Recently, at a separate church occasion he gave me the second ever brief one-armed hug as part of a group greeting/wishing, but then avoided standing next to me for pictures afterwards. Then most recently at my brother's grad party he was quietly attentive in small ways during group games. Helping me out, including me, reacting almost defensively when I voted him out one game...but just days later, at his house, he didn't say hi and was noticeably cold and flat.
After a lot of deliberation, I sent him a first ever direct message calmly asking if I'd done something to make things awkward between us. I panicked almost immediately and deleted it within minutes. I sent one follow-up since and deleted quickly after. I don't know if he saw them, and it's been a little while now with no response. I’ll likely be seeing him again soon at a family friend's daughter's birthday party, so I'm not sure if I should try to address this in person or just let it be.
Dealing with social anxiety, I know that sometimes I read into small things more than I should. I'm genuinely trying to figure out if this is a real pattern or if I'm overanalyzing normal awkward behavior. I'd really appreciate honest, kind, but objective takes rather than just comforting ones. I want to actually understand this clearly. Please be gentle with the delivery, as I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety around this.
What would you actually do next in my position?