u/Simple_Efficiency_29

I saw a reel this afternoon about CPTSD healing collapse, as in you’re doing the work and as you start feeling everything you collapse. I think this may be what I’m going through but I’m not finding much about it. I’ve been deep into the work, TMS, Spravato, EMDR, therapy, etc and truly making some progress. But suddenly ALL my emotions are there and a couple of days ago I sort of hit an emotional wall and broke down - all the why, how much longer, I can’t do this, etc came crashing back with SI as well. I know healing isn’t linear, but this sucks! Is this collapse an actual thing in Cptsd healing????

I assume everyone has to do pre and post treatment questionnaires of some sort, as I think it’s a REMS requirement? Could be wrong about that. My clinic has a really dumb 5 question one for pre and post and also do PHQ9 before each one. The 5 question one has 4 response choices for each one and is like “I do /do not feel sad…I do / do not feel tired…I feel equally deserving of love and acceptance as anyone else…
Does anyone else have that one? I find it very dumb because I don’t think those answers really change in the 2 hours. Except for tired…that is always a yes after!

Is it a conflict of interest for a provider at your clinic to be the prescriber? I’ve done TMS and Spravato both at at this clinic. I love the clinic but I do have to wonder sometimes about the conflict of interest. Keeping me coming for one or both treatments obviously benefits them as they only do TMS/Spravato. My insurance pays $1600 each Spravato and $700ish for TMS.

I’ve been doing EMDR and my therapist has mentioned parts work. It feels very weird to me (so does EMDR though!) and I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions for letting go of consciousness, or inhibitions maybe, enough to try parts work. I’ve read “no bad parts” and I get it…I think…but that doesn’t make this feel any less weird!

My therapist bringing up “parts work” freaks me out and feels very crazy. I watched lots of reels on Facebook about the topic related to Cptsd especially, but it still makes me feel crazy!
Any thoughts or encouragement???

In looking at a memory and your younger self, if you’re asked “what does she need” or something along those lines, do you say “she wants…” or “I want…”?
I noticed last week my responses were always “I” instead of “she” and I had trouble processing. Wondering if I need to allow myself some separation from the younger self in the memory to say “she” instead? Does that even make a difference? It seems like a silly distinction but wondering if it matters.

I'm on my 2nd week of Spravato and have been doing EMDR off and on for a few months. I know a lot of people talk about having vivid dreams or nightmares after EMDR sessions but…
I had a difficult EMDR session 2 days ago and I think I basically think I continued the session in my dream that night and during Spravato treatment today. During my session my therapist asked me to allow my younger self to open a door to the room I was trapped in to allow my current self to comfort her. But my younger self couldn’t open the door. In my dream that night the younger self kept trying to open it but couldn't. That was still on my mind going into my Spravato treatment yesterday which must have influenced the way my brain went during that and my current self was able to open it for her. I don’t think my younger/current selves interacted and don’t know what to make of that and where it leaves me in the actual EMDR processing though. Thoughts??? Also just writing all this out about my younger/current self sounds insane! But then again, CPTSD is insane.

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I know a lot of people talk about having vivid dreams or nightmares after EMDR sessions but…
I had a difficult bls session yesterday and I think I basically think I continued the session in my dream last night and during ketamine treatment today. During my session my therapist asked me to allow my younger self to open a door to the room I was trapped in to allow my current self to comfort her. But my younger self couldn’t open the door. In my dream last night the younger self kept trying to open it and that was still on my mind going into my ketamine treatment today which must have influenced the way my brain went during that and my current self was able to open it for her. I don’t think my younger/current selves interacted and don’t know what to make of that and where it leaves me in the actual EMDR processing though. Thoughts??? Also just writing all this out about my younger/current self sounds insane!

2nd treatment today, 1st at 84mg. I had a good session, but as the effect was wearing off it was as like a heavy curtain was being raised. I found myself wanting to grab that curtain and pull it back down so I could stay in that experience of relaxation and calmness though! That feeling of no pain - emotional or physical- was such a breath of fresh air. I have chronic pain and ridiculously tense muscles in my shoulders, jaw, and neck and for that brief time it was gone.
How do you transition as the effect wears off?

I’m scheduled to start next week after putting it off for months. My family is chaotic and my teen with mental illness is actually a big part of my CPTSD with constant re-traumatization (there were traumas when I was younger as well though). Trying to figure out all the plans for my family’s schedule through the week when I can’t drive is about as stressful as anything else though! In order to do the twice a week treatments for the first month, that only leaves 3 days a week for my own therapy, my daughters therapy, family therapy, plus all the misc appointments like doctor, orthodontist, chiropractic, after school art class for kid 1, karate for kid 2, youth group, etc. I feel guilty asking my husband to help with getting kids to any of the appointments because he’s already leaving work early the 2 days a week so can’t drive to pick up kids from school.
How do people with kids do this long term? I know the twice a week is only for a month, but even just 1 day a week of not being able to drive is hard with the number of appointments we have!
I know I’m getting way too wrapped up in this aspect instead of focusing on myself though!

I desperately want to do some deep CPTSD work instead of the little weekly sips of EMDR I currently do, and need to do it away from home for a couple of weeks. My depression and anxiety have been ridiculous. Are there any intensive options that are insurance covered?

Working on targets for EMDR and wondering if anyone has experience with targeting old memories of suicide attempts? I don’t want to get graphic but I can sort of see myself lying on the floor and have I guess built my own “reel” of the events I’m told happened both at home and at the hospital, and another time of an extensive plan that was interrupted. I get into flashback loops with both events. I know we will go into these slowly and cautiously, and have high trust in my therapist that I’ve worked with for a while, just wondering if others have experience reprocessing such events?

Wondering if anyone else can identify…
I’ve fought depression since I was a teen and now am 48. For about 5 years in my early 20s I was completely debilitated by depression and chronic pain and I often refer to those as “my missing years” because there’s not much to remember. It’s not that I don’t remember that time, like dissociation or anything, it’s just that every day blended together as the same - alternating between not getting out of bed, crying in pain, surgeries, cutting, unaliving attempts, inpatient psych stays. Also several times when I often took 3-4 times the amount of sleeping or anxiety meds that were prescribed so I could sleep the time away - multiple times I woke up 2 days later in a disgusting bed, showered, changed the sheets, and crawled back into bed. I was alive but I was NOT LIVING during that time! At some point things turned around and I was able to get my healthcare degree and get off social security disability and move on with life (still with some depression valleys, but fewer).
But I’m in a healing phase now, addressing trauma, doing spravato and TMS (helped soooo much?, and in a decent place emotionally and I’m finding I want more info on those years - how many times was I hospitalized, how many ER visits, etc, as well as when my last hospital stay was which was the time things really started turning around. I’ve just requested hospital records from the medical hospital, and admission dates only (not records) for psych inpatient stays to help piece things together.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I lost most of my 20s to this and the closer I get to 50 the more it seems important to fill in blanks.

Does anyone know of any benefit or harm in tapering down on frequency at the end of treatment? After doing daily most of the time, I did Monday/Wednesday/Friday this past week. I have 4 session left but have to miss this week for a trip. When I come back I’m trying to decide if I should just do all 4 that week or taper 2 that week and 2 the next?

I’m using the “I Love This Chunky” yarn from hobby lobby but can’t find some colors I need. Suggestions for chunky yarn for hats, scarves, ear warmer headbands, etc. in these colors : purple, royal blue, and dark green. I miss Joann’s yarn!!!!

Do you sit like normal, get comfy, lay back?? I usually just sit but wonder if maintaining posture is keeping me from really relaxing into it?

How do you get past the feelings of weirdness around addressing your younger self in EMDR? When I’m told to picture my adult self comforting her or protecting her or anything else it feels so weird! It feels maybe embarrassing or childish? But I also have a hard time sort of recreating the past. I know it’s not actually recreating, just processing something in a healthier way than I could then.