u/Simply-Hopeful4043

So, I (19M) was with this guy "Seth" (22M) for almost six months. I don't know if he was a chaser or a straight guy who pretended to be queer, but when we met, he told me he identified as bisexual. That was no big deal to me (obviously). And I think you already know where this story is going.

By the time we went on our first date as a couple, he was on the phone with his mom (41F) while we were sitting together and he misgendered me to her. He then asked me if it was okay if he referred to me with she/her and called me his girlfriend while he was talking to his mom since it'd be easier for him and his siblings (19M, 9F, 7M) to understand that I was his girlfriend rather than his transmasculine boyfriend who used he/they at the time. I was so baffled by this that I just agreed to it before I knew what I was agreeing to.

Then later, he started saying these things about how he prefers a partner who was more feminine and had long hair. This made me really self-conscious, especially since he met me when my style was exclusively Spencer's shirts, jeans, ratty sneakers, a baseball cap, and always having hair that was shaved down to a 2-guard cut (or "hypermasc" in my best friend's words). So, I stopped binding, started wearing my more feminine clothes, and started growing my hair out again.

It got to a point where I was always crying to him about how I stopped feeling like myself, how I don't even know who I am anymore. How looking in the mirror made me feel like I was looking at a different person and that I couldn't believe that I was looking at myself whenever I looked at the more feminine version of myself in the mirror. All he did was tell me that it would take a little time for me to adjust.

Well, a couple months after that, I claimed I was no longer a man and was actually a demigirl who used she/they because it was easier to pretend than accept what was really going on. So, he dropped the line. We were laughing together about something, I can't remember what, and he just deadpanned and said, "I'm straight." I kept laughing because it felt so ridiculous, but then it stopped when I realized he wasn't laughing anymore. He was serious. He considered himself straight after knowingly getting with a transmasc guy. And I let him.

We broke up about a month after he had said that which would be about three and a half weeks ago now. While I'm finally exploring the idea of properly being a guy again, I feel different about it now. Whenever I want to buy men's clothes, I actually get scared to do it and just walk away like it never happened. Whenever I think about cutting my hair, I find every reason to talk myself out of it. Whenever I think about getting minoxidil, starting on T, and using trans tape, I quickly shove that thought down because it feels like admitting to something I don't want to hear anymore. And whenever I see men who give me gender envy (almost always in fiction), I act like it's some far away dream that can never happen to me specifically.

Something that used to feel so freeing scares me now and I don't know what to do. I'm already looking into therapy, but I don't know what else I can do in the meantime.

So, I (19FtM) started my first year of college last August. It was great for a while, especially since all of my friends in my main friend group were either queer in some way or great allies. This includes "Charlie" (19F).

When I first met Charlie, she was one of those Christians who were actually respectful of everyone and even said it herself that she was asexual. She never stopped hanging out with me, even after I came out as transmasculine and said I had her full support.

Well, what felt out of nowhere, she started becoming aggressive towards me and suddenly wasn't telling me about group activities like she would with other people in our friend group. She was suddenly only telling plans to "Harper" (19F) (a cishet Christian woman), "Andrew" (20M) (a gay asexual atheist), and "Blake" (19M) (a cishet Jewish man). She was suddenly excluding me and our other friend "Remy" (19F) (a lesbian). And whenever me or Remy were hanging out with her, she would refuse to look at us and act like we weren't in the room. And whenever she did give us enough time to speak, she always finds some way to tell us we were wrong for whatever it is we said.

At first, I thought it was because of something we did specifically. I found out later that I was wrong.

Andrew is my closest friend in the group, and I found out from him a couple months ago that he found out that Charlie stopped considering herself asexual and actually considered everyone in the group "sinners". She considered Harper a sinner because she wasn't the same denomination of Christianity as her (Charlie being nondenominational and Harper being protestant). She considered Andrew a sinner because he was gay, asexual, and an atheist. She considered Blake a sinner because he was Jewish but said he was "making the most progress out of all of us" because he already stopped considering himself bisexual with a male preference and has actually been considering converting from Judaism to Christianity because of her influence. She considered Remy a sinner because she's a lesbian and nonreligious. And she considers me a sinner because I'm transmasculine, only attracted to women, and spiritual instead of religious.

So, the reason she's been excluding me and Remy is because we're the only ones who haven't been "making an effort to redeem ourselves of our sins" (since I'm still trying to make an effort to medically transition and Remy is still going on dates with women). She's still been hanging out with Harper because "she's on the right track", she's been hanging out with Blake because he's actually been considering her words (like I said), and she's been hanging out with Andrew because she's trying to make him convert to Christianity and trying to "convert him" into being straight, despite how much he's been refusing, and I think it's because she previously had a crush on him, claimed she stopped liking him once he told her he was gay, and is just lying about it to look better.

Andrew is trying to tell me to give her a chance because she's likely going through something she isn't willing to see yet. Blake is saying that her actions have been making him uncomfortable but weren't as bad as I thought it was, just annoying. And Harper is claiming she hadn't noticed anything going on with Charlie and thinks I'm unfairly disliking her. The only one who's on my side here is Remy, who also agrees it's stupid for her to be friends with people she actively knows she wants to change.

I have no idea what to do as this is the first time something like this happened to me, and I'm hoping I can get some insight from other trans people.

So, I'm (19) a transmasculine bigender person (most accurate label at the moment). I'm generally okay with the idea of having multiple names to represent each of my gender identities, but that's not what I intend on doing, at least publicly.

But for the sake of this post, we'll go with the masculine side of things.

Despite my denial within my gender identity as of late, I've been going by the same name for over three years. The problem is that it no longer feels entirely accurate to who I am. And lately, I've been really wanting to change it. For the sake of this post, we'll say my name was previously Quinn.

There's this particular name that's been really standing out to me and I use pronouns wardrobe often. For the sake of this post, we'll say the name is Nico. Every time I put my preferred pronouns and the name Nico into pronouns wardrobe, it makes me stupidly giddy while Quinn with my preferred pronouns... it makes me feel good but not giddy like Nico does.

So, I had a few options as to what I wanted to do as far as my name goes and I need some feedback on what may work best.

1. I keep my name as Quinn but make Nico my middle name.

2. I make my name Nico but make Quinn my middle name instead of my first.

3. I double barrel Quinn and Nico to make it Nico-Quinn or Quinn-Nico.

All of these ideas sound good in their own way, but I need feedback on the situation, especially since my situation makes this feel more complicated than necessary.

I (19M) have been watching UFC with my dad (44M) every weekend since I was 11. I'm almost 20 and so this has been going on for almost 9 years. However, something I didn't notice about him until I was older was that he sleeps around a lot and doesn't see it as an issue. It hasn't affected me a LOT in recent years, so I just try to stay out of it if I can.

Well, he's made it really difficult, especially since he likes to tell me about every new woman, even when they're not together. This took a turn when he started talking to "Jenny" (41F). I met her and her daughter "Oakley" (16 almost 17F), last weekend and the meeting went terribly, if I'm being completely honest. Jenny made almost no effort to talk to me, even when I tried talking to her for the first couple hours of our meeting. Oakley was rude to me specifically when all I had done was ask what her name was and what her plans for college were since Jenny mentioned them. Whenever Oakley was rude to me, Jenny, or short with my dad, Jenny would excuse it as her "just adjusting". Oakley made sure I was left out of almost everything we all did that day and Jenny laughed it off as "cute" and my dad just told me to bear with it. I have a severe allergy to shrimp, Oakley ordered a dish that had shrimp in it, I didn't know until after the order was placed, then she gave me a nasty look when me and my dad told her about it, and she proceeded to eat said dish with her hands and eat all shared appetizers with her hands so I couldn't even have any of the appetizers besides two pieces of bread. Jenny just laughed it off because she has food restrictions too and tried to use it as a way to bond, I guess? And finally, she actually started having a TANTRUM at the table near the end of the meal because she wanted dessert and got told "no" because she had already ordered four dishes for herself.

By the end of the night, I was hoping that I didn't have to see either of them again.

Well, my dad is hosting a UFC watch party next weekend and I knew I already didn't want to go (for unrelated reasons) but figured I could suck it up because I wanted to spend time with my dad. But I quickly found out that something might actually be happening between my dad and Jenny and he invited her and Oakley to the watch party. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes.

Because of years of pent-up resentment, I looked him in the eyes and said point-blank, "Then I'm not going." He got angry and asked why not. I told him that the meeting with them went terribly and that I never want to have to put up with either of them ever again until my dad and Jenny become official. My dad said I was being incredibly rude and that Jenny has a lot on her plate and that Oakley is just a teenager. I told him that I didn't care and that if I can avoid them, I would and wouldn't try to make an effort again until I was certain that this was someone who made him happy and not just a temporary partner.

He said that I was being dramatic about what happened and that it wasn't as bad as I'm saying it is. Now we're not talking, which has never happened before, and I'm wondering if I went too far. I feel like I set a reasonable boundary (one that I've set with other women he's seeing before) but this is the first time he's reacting this way. Did I really go too far?

EDIT: I should add that this is not the first time that something like this has happened (if it wasn't already obvious by the post). He has brought women around who were incredibly rude to me and told me to put up with it because he thought they were the love of his life and that he deserved love too (he does, I'm not saying he doesn't). And every time, they would always be a temporary person in his life and so I'd have to put up with getting treated poorly by these women for no reason.

Stay out of this post, transphobes.

I'm 19, almost 20, and I'm back home from my first year of college. I had previously identified as a transgender man and later considered myself genderfluid/gender nonconforming as well. This was because I could still present myself with obviously feminine features and be confident enough in my masculinity to know "Hey, I'm still a man, I'm just also comfortable presenting femininely every once in a while."

However, without getting into the details, I was in a situation where I felt I HAD to start being feminine (and not in a GNC way but in a "I realized I'm actually a cisgender woman" way) and allowing people to refer to me as a girl and the feminine equivalent of my previous chosen name (ex; if my name was previously James and people started calling me Jamie instead because it was more feminine to them) (or it's just my deadname if I'm home). But I plan on changing my preferred name but I'm making my previous one my middle name. It's a win-win.

Well, now that I'm mostly out of that situation, I can feel the TV starting to blind me in its brightness from its glow. The problem is that I'm now in a situation where I can't really "explore my gender" (for lack of a better word). While I didn't mind presenting feminine on OCCASION, I miss having super short hair (I used to have a shadow fade with barely 2in. of hair on top and now it's to my shoulders), I miss having a flat chest (from binding), I miss not having to constantly wear dresses and skirts to not hear some form of judgement or criticism, and I hate having to be referred to as my deadname or with she/her constantly. I've been trying to act like I'm okay with it but I'm not.

I recently realized that my previous "discovery" as a woman was all bull and I want to be a man again in every sense of the word. But I don't even know if I can cut my hair yet without backlash (like, it's at the later seasons Daryl Dixon length if you know TWD so I can style it like that, but it doesn't feel helpful with all the other factors). I have a little over a month before I go back to college, it just feels like too long and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Are there other subtle ways I can present as masculine to dull the dysphoria for a bit until I can go back to college?

I'm new to Reddit, so please excuse any weird formatting. All names are fake. Long post ahead, so I apologize. Finally, I'm keeping this as vague as possible, so sorry if some details seem loose.

Most of this post is going to be context, there will be a TLDR at the end of the context, and what I'm asking for advice on is at the very end.

So, I (19M) am friends with these two people; Charlie (19F) and Hollis (19NB). We are all in college and that's how we met. Charlie and Hollis used to be in a very messy relationship which had started in early February (initially in secret). However, Hollis called things off in late April to early May (I was in a weird place during this time, so some of the timeline is lost on me). However, despite their breakup, they decided to remain friends.

What caused this breakup was that they would constantly argue with one another without ever being able to meet in the middle. Everyone who knew these two figured this would happen, and once we (me and our mutual friends) realized that they had feelings for each other (before they got together), we all advised them that they shouldn't be together because it was a recipe for disaster. They ignored all of us and got together anyway.

I want to start this next part by saying that I KNOW every story has two sides, however, I witnessed a lot which told me a lot. So, Charlie used to tell me and my best friend, Liam (20M) about how Hollis was always starting fights with her and how it put a lot of stress on her and made her unable to focus on school. Liam was always immediately on Charlie's side, but something made me hesitant. Charlie had feelings for me before her relationship with Hollis, so I knew how she acted with people she liked and while I offered support to Charlie, I was honestly a little skeptical of the things that she would tell us. And despite Hollis being my friend, too, I almost never told them about the things that Charlie was saying about them (mainly because I wanted to believe that Charlie was venting despite my skepticism). I would tell Hollis on occasion, but they would just brush it off when I did. I wonder if I should've brought it up more, especially since this situation happened.

Well, about a few weeks into their relationship, I would visit Charlie's dorm a lot, and Hollis would always be there. It always ended the same way whenever I visited; Hollis would say something that would irritate Charlie (very rarely things to actually get irritated over) and instead of communicating that she was irritated, Charlie would IMMEDIATELY escalate the situation and start yelling at Hollis, which would quickly irritate them and they would argue back. It made me realize that Charlie was lying and exaggerating about how Hollis was treating her. But, for almost their entire relationship, up until the end of it, I would just not say anything and would always tell myself, "Not my circus, not my monkeys". Despite the guilt, I ignored it for the time being since I had a lot of issues going on with my health and wanted to focus on myself.

Despite the messy dynamic of their relationship, one of Hollis' love languages was gift giving and so that's what they would do, but since we were all college students, I figured it'd be very small things. I was wrong.

I was on a video call with Hollis a couple nights ago and the conversation turned to Charlie, as it tends to sometimes. Well, Hollis admitted that he spent a couple GRAND throughout their relationship and even still spends a lot on Charlie now, even after they broke up. I asked them what they meant and Hollis admitted that they just made a HUGE payment for Charlie a couple weeks ago, spending a few hundred bucks on something that Charlie desperately wanted but couldn't afford. I felt my heart drop to my ass, and I told Hollis that they should probably get the money back ASAP.

Hollis asked me why and I finally was firm about it and said, "Charlie has been trashing you to me and Liam, and she's been saying..." (the rest are specific details that I'm leaving out). I watched Hollis' face fall, and they asked me to repeat some of the points I made. When I did, they IMMEDIATELY looked mad and finally confessed that I wasn't the only one who told them these things. Hollis admitted to me that multiple mutual friends of Charlie and Hollis' have gone up to Hollis and told them about things that Charlie said about them. Hollis was skeptical at first but once so many people (especially people who didn't know each other) said something, they realized that there was no way they could all be lying about the same person.

Hollis immediately started going off to me about things that Charlie did that pissed them off, brought up contradictions in her claims, and gave the real stories of what happened. Then Hollis said that they were officially done with Charlie's BS, was no longer doing anything for her, and is planning on demanding for the money back.

TLDR; My friends (Hollis and Charlie) were in a relationship but broke up. Charlie was talking bad on Hollis, but Hollis wasn't fully aware and spent what money they had on Charlie (we're all college students). I finally told Hollis what Charlie was saying about them after Hollis said they spent a few hundred bucks on Charlie recently. Hollis is going to demand their money back from Charlie because of this.

What I'm worried about (and asking for advice on) is what I should do if Charlie confronts me. Knowing how Hollis is, they won't be opposed to mentioning me directly when demanding their money back from Charlie. I don't know how to handle the confrontation if/when it happens, especially since I'm still unsure of whether or not I made the right call saying something to Hollis. Charlie has always given me a weird vibe, especially when she had feelings for me, but this confirms it for me. If Charlie confronts me, what do I do?