u/Skanky_the_Samurai

We were married for 25 years. We met when she was 18 and I was 22. We have 2 kids together. I loved her with every fiber of my being.

Things changed around the 22 year mark. New group of friends. Almost all of them divorced. Perimenopause. She became a social media zombie.

That’s when the shit tests started. Women shit test men for a couple reasons. The main reason IMO is that they need a man who is capable of telling them no. They want a man with boundaries. Because if you have uncompromising standards that you enforce with her, you are able to stand up and defend her against other people. They don’t want a man who argues with them for no reason. Or a man who says no for the sake of saying no. They just want a strong masculine man who doesn’t compromise his moral standards when he gets stressed out. And they will do everything they can to push you to the breaking point. It’s hardwired into their DNA. They NEED a man who is capable of protecting them.

I wasn’t that man. My father was dying from Alzheimer’s. I could see the woman I loved with all my heart falling out of love with me. I could see our family breaking up. It was all happening in slow motion and I was powerless to stop it. I was going through the toughest time in my life. All I wanted was some kindness from my wife while my dad was dying. On top of that, watching my marriage crumbling forced me into fight or flight mode. In my panic, I tried holding on tighter. Forcing her to see what she was throwing away. Which only caused her to lose even more respect for me. Which not only caused her to love me less, it caused her to be repulsed by me. And I honestly can’t say I blame her.

I’m in a much better place than I was back then. I’ve properly grieved my father and the divorce. I’m in the acceptance stage. I have become the man I always needed to be. We’ve been physically apart for a year. But the shit tests have continued. They’re not as frequent. But they are fucking INTENSE.

She recently texted me that she was at the car dealership “just looking” at cars with our son. She bought him one that day. A really nice new car. There was no discussion beforehand.

I love my son and I want him to have a nice car. But I want him to earn it. I want him to have a job and pay for it. She’s been texting me since she bought it telling me that I have to pay for half of the car and insurance. I have simply told her politely that she made this decision without consulting me. That I should have been a part of this. It should have taken a couple weeks. We should have discussed the financial aspects of it so there wouldn’t be any misalignment of our values. I told her that I would be willing to pay 1/3 of the car payment and insurance if he gets a job and pays 1/3. I also told her to get several insurance quotes and send them to me so I can make sure we are getting the best rate.

She went ballistic and told me that she wants nothing to do with me. The last text she sent me, that I have no plans to reply to, ended with have a nice life. I think what drives her insane is not the fact that I lost my frame in our marriage. It’s that I found it again. Without her. That the only thing standing in my way of becoming the man she always wished I could be… was her.

Don’t ever lose your frame. Don’t ever compromise your boundaries. Don’t ever be afraid to tell her no. Because once she loses respect for you, she’ll never get it back.

48M. I’m a little confused about a situation I’m dealing with post divorce. I’m curious if anybody, including men, have dealt with a stalking or domestic abuse situation after around 40. Ex-spouse, ex-romantic partner, stranger (in the case of stalking).

I intentionally used the word abuse because I think that it can come in different forms other than physical violence. I think that financial exploitation is something that doesn’t get enough attention in our society.

I think hearing other people’s stories might give me a little bit of clarity. Thanks for sharing.

This sub has really helped me a lot over the last year. My wife of 25 years hit perimenopause and our marriage disintegrated. She became someone I didn’t even recognize. During the separation and divorce I discovered she had accumulated over half a million dollars in debt.

It was hell trying to convince her to sell the house, but it was the only way we had to pay everything off. And if she hadn’t accumulated so much debt I would’ve let her keep it. It was the only house my son had ever lived in.

I finally convinced her to sell the house by telling her she could keep the equity after any debt I’m associated with is paid off.

We put the house up for sale last month and had an offer within days. We closed yesterday and we sat down today and paid off everything. All my debt reset to zero. She was even gracious enough to give me some extra money. Which according to our agreement she totally didn’t have to.

I feel amazing. The physical toll on my health of having over half a million dollars in debt hanging over my head was soul crushing. Insomnia. Going to work on a couple hours of broken sleep. Chest pain. Waking up feeling like I’m breathing through a straw. It’s all behind me. I feel like I have a runner’s high. My shoulders are relaxed. No more tension headaches or pain in my traps.

Thanks for helping me get through some dark fuckin times boys. 🫶

I’m not judging. I would genuinely like to know people’s perspective on this.

I have heard in real life, and read on here, to never date a single parent. I’ve heard men say it about single mothers. I’ve heard women say it about single fathers. I’ve even heard single parents say they wouldn’t date another single parent.

I feel like it must really limit your choices, since a large percentage of men and women after 30 have at least one kid. I guess I could understand if you’re in your 20’s.

I’m a 48M and my youngest is 17 so I don’t understand why a woman would care. I would really appreciate an honest perspective on this

We went to mediation this week. We came to an agreement after 3 1/2 hours. The mediator said it was a more than fair deal for her. I’ll spare you all the details, but it included having the almost $200,000 in debt that she accumulated in my name paid off. I was going to get a blank slate and finally be able to start my life over.

I signed and initialed the papers. The mediator went into the room with her and her lawyer to have them sign. He came back 15 minutes later and told me that she wouldn’t sign and they left. My heart sank and I just sat there speechless for a minute. My lawyer just said I’m so sorry. The mediator couldn’t believe it.

I’ve just been on an emotional roller coaster since. I have this ache deep in the pit of my stomach. I can’t sleep. The interest on our debt is compounding daily. I’m probably going to have to declare bankruptcy. She’s destroyed my life.

I was one inch from the finish line. Now I’m back to the starting line and there’s no end in sight. I could really use some words of encouragement right now. Thanks brothers. I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend.