u/Slow-Peach9013

Basically am looking for advice on this, I was in a toxic relationship that was extremely co-dependent. It was my first lesbian relationship so it was the first time feeling love properly in a relationship. Long story short, I was blindsided and my trust was completely destroyed and the person who I thought I knew turned out to be a cold hearted horrible person, a complete 180 to the person I had spent every day with for the most part of the year. Because of this, I’ve been single for about a year and a half to work on myself, I’ve now met someone who I’m absolutely infatuated with, and we started dating about a month ago. However, I’m noticing I’m still struggling to “let her in” fully or let myself feel things fully because I’m so terrified I’m going to be hurt again. It feels like it’s just a matter of time, and I keep trying to “catch” her out doing something suspicious. It feels like so many little things that are nothing, I’m creating problems in my head because of my past experience where my trust was destroyed so dramatically. How can I overcome this and let myself trust again?

I feel like what happened to cause my ptsd wasn’t that bad. I put myself in the situation and I stayed at the event after because I didn’t want to go home. I don’t know why it’s affected me so much even years later. I’ve even been in similar situations but nothing has affected me like this. I guess you could say it was sexual assault however the details make me feel like it wasn’t technically sexual assault. But I get flash backs sometimes, it’s gotten better over the years however there’s been a few times I’ve had meltdowns where I can’t stop screaming and feel like I’m back in that room. I feel like also I’m making it up in my head for attention.