u/Slow-Task3729

No matter what I do I can’t get myself to work on my assignments (paper due tonight and test tomorrow that I need to study for). I barely know any of the material. I have tried everything. I took a caffeine pill, L-theanine, Phentermine, and had a drink of alcohol to try to make me feel better. No matter what I do, I am just stupid. I can’t focus, I can’t feel happy. I am miserable. I am going to fail my classes ONCE AGAIN. I can’t do anything right in life, i had a three week head start to get all of this stuff done but my dumb ass waited until the last possible second. Now I’m going to fail. I should seriously consider ending my life because I will never get anything right.

What are some obvious signs that you’re getting fired? Managers start treating you differently? Less hours? New person being trained to replace you?

Diagnosed by a psychiatrist for bipolar 1. What I did while I was manic was awful. I flirted with someone who already had a long lasting relationship and delusionally thought they were in love with me too. Even while they were ghosting me and specifically telling me they had a relationship. Why was I so dumb? I get it that my thoughts were racing and I felt on top of the world but why did I not have any common sense?

Also I feel guilty because idk if anyone else gets this but when I’m manic I get distracted very easily. I ended up letting my dogs outside in the cold weather and left them alone out there while I was distracted by my phone. Luckily my brother was home and let them in when they started barking but I feel so guilty. Why does mania make you forget things and get distracted.

Just a quick question. Are you able to submit tuition reimbursement for the summer semester that has already ended? Or do you need to apply before classes start?

At least when I was a NEET, I didn't have any responsibilities. I didn't have any anxiety. I didn't have severe depression. I was able to just relax and do whatever I wanted every day. I know people are going to say that contributing to society is better, because you are being independent and not relying on your parents for income. But if your parents are fine with doing it, why is it an issue? There's always the point of "Well what's gonna happen when your parents die", and yeah in that case you can inherit the house from your parents. I have tried so many times to hold down jobs, to go to school, and all I get out of it is nothing. How am I a contributing member of society when my job is meaningless stocking in a grocery store, I don't have a high enough intelligence to succeed in university, and I can't function socially.

Just thinking about the probability of being born and how rare it is. Why did I have to form. Why did my parents have to be so selfish and decide to have kids. Why did not die in the womb. These are all questions i ask myself every day because so much pain and suffering could have been avoided. I got screwed. It’s so rare to be born, but of course, I came to life. Fuck that.