u/Snagglehoof

My shoulders and arms have always been disproportionate to the rest of my body. Even at the point in my life where I was a young, competitive athlete training twice a day (sport + weights or cardio sessions) I never looked lean or fit. I have always appeared much larger than my numerical weight.

I stopped competing a while back and hit my highest adult weight a year ago. I took measurements of my full body at that time. I have since lost almost 30lbs and I'm now at the lowest weight of my adult life, but my arm and shoulder measurements are only 0.25" and 0.5" smaller than they were at their largest. The rest of my measurements have reduced considerably. My BMI is now down to 18.5, I still don't look lean (just sick!) and I literally can't lose any more weight but I've still got these massive, jiggly arms. It's not muscle.

I can feel very distinct and obvious hard "rice granule" type nodes in my arms and deeper in my thighs. Both areas bruise easily. I strongly suspect I am Stage 1 and have made an appointment to be assessed at a local lipedema clinic.

I've been so insecure in my body my entire adult life because of my arms. Finding a shirt that fits right is impossible and I hate being stuck wearing long sleeves all summer. I've read the horror stories from folks that were actually physically disabled by their lipedema still unsuccessfully fighting to get their surgery covered, so I know I basically have zero shot with mine being comparatively "minor."

I want to get lipo. It's not even necessarily out of my price range at a normal clinic, but I've read some horror stories here and elsewhere about going to doctors without lipedema experience. The ones with experience are bananas expensive by comparison.

One way I was considering cutting the expense was putting some money into an HSA, but I've never used one before and I'm not familiar with how they determine what a qualifying medical expense is. Just because my insurance doesn't consider it medically necessary or covered by my plan, that doesn't mean it isn't. I know the HSA doesn't necessarily "verify" each and every expense, but I imagine there's a chance I could be audited by the IRS and I would need to provide documentation about the procedure. I'm not sure what is taken as "proof" of medical necessity, especially with procedures that are known more for being "cosmetic." Is having an LMN enough?

I've always had super thin, fine hair. Then in August 2024, everything else went to shit, too. I caught my partner of several years, who I was planning on spending the rest of my life with, cheating on me. Went and got an STD panel/pap and it came back indicative of high-risk HPV which I'd never had before. Then my "best friend" got engaged to a man she had known for two months and decided she didn't want to be friends with someone "who wasn't in the same life stage" as her. My dog/actual best friend was diagnosed with a fatal degenerative disease. I got rear ended while stopped at a light. A week later I was diagnosed with ADHD and put on stimulants. There was the election. Then at Christmas, my brother got extremely drunk and slapped me across the face in front of the entire extended family and no one did anything about it.

It was the perfect storm for one hell of a case of TE.

In the following year, about 50% of what little hair I did have rapidly fell out. If I didn't wash and meticulously style my hair every single day, there would be a huge bald spot at the back of my head. But shampooing meant watching another huge handful of hair fall out. This went on uninterrupted for almost two. fucking. years.

I went through several rounds of seeing these weak, mousy brown, wispy baby hairs sprout up, but every single time they'd get to ~1-2 inches and then fall right out along with everything else. Eventually I stopped even bothering to look for regrowth. I didn't want to look at my hair at all. It went on so long I became convinced it was AGA, but specialists here are booked out so far in advance I'm still waiting on an endocrinologist/derm opening.

Throughout everything, I just kept trying to treat myself nicely, got into therapy, made sure I consistently got enough nutrients and sleep, made sure I did at least a little exercise every day, and cut contact with everyone who was making me miserable.

You guys, I just washed my hair and five total hairs fell out. Five. My baby hairs are now a whole 4-4.5 inches long, thick, and almost jet black. And there are tons of them. I had no idea! I could cry. 🥹🥹

My (now ex-) best friend, Sierra, and I have been through everything together - death, depression, and heartbreak. We used to hang out multiple times a week. We had the kind of relationship where I knew everything that was going on in her life and she knew everything going on in mine. She was the one person who I never questioned for a moment would always have my back... until she started dating her fiancé, "Ron", about two years ago. I was always supportive of her, but they instantly became scarily enmeshed.

I still saw her maybe once every couple of months for the first year they were together. Not going to lie, it was extremely difficult and lonely. I tried not to take it personally or as an abandonment, but did gently express on a couple of occasions that I missed her presence in my life and would like to spend more time together, even if it just meant running an errand together here and there. Sierra reassured me all was well with our friendship, and usually explain she'd just been especially tired/depressed lately. I tried offering my support in ways she had appreciated in the past, because of course I hated the idea that my friend was holed up in the house sad all the time, but at the start of the year things got worse. She stopped inviting me over entirely. When I could get her to agree to come to my place for a couple of hours, she would usually bail out last-minute saying "Ron just had such a hard day!!" and make no attempt to reschedule. Then the texting dropped off to the point where she'd basically just send me a "haha" or "damn" in response to everything. The change in her personality was so abrupt, I genuinely began to worry he might be abusing her.

A couple of weeks ago, I texted her asking to have an in-person conversation in a neutral place. She agreed. Morning of, she says Ron's too stressed out from work, so we have to keep our conversation brief. Oh, and I have to come to their place. Non-starter for me. So I sent her a long, non-accusatory message when I knew he wasn't home, saying I'm concerned about how I've watched her life and social circle shrink down to just Ron and his family, and that she's seemed really unhappy any time I've seen her.

She took three days to respond: "If you mean I've been distant lately, I guess you're not wrong. But I don't necessarily have a problem with that. The kind of long-term friendships I have are ones where we can go months without speaking to or seeing each other, but we know we still care for one another. This just seems so unnecessary. The distance isn't about you. My issues are my own. I need you to respect that I'm happy and safe while I work on myself."

So... she's both going through undisclosed "issues" that we'd normally openly talk about, but is also "happy"/has no problem with the distance? It all became so clear in an instant that the reason she's been distant is that she just doesn't view me as a close friend anymore. I fought so fucking hard to swallow the awful feelings that she was pulling away from the friendship. I spoke openly and honestly when I felt bad instead of deactivating and running away. I was here trying to empathize and understand what she was going through, like a complete idiot. I was curious about the distance and always assumed good intent for two. years. She wasn't making plans or agreeing to hang out with me because she didn't want to hang out with me. It was always that fucking simple.

I first responded with a "healed" message, saying that, while I'm sad I can't be there to support her through life's ups and downs right now, I would respect that and always wish her well. She didn't respond.

The next morning I woke up so enraged I sent another message saying I wasn't happy and wasn't going to pretend to be. I was her best fucking friend and she was talking to me like some invasive stranger. I've given her nothing but patience, grace, and space for the last two years and I'm absolutely not going to sit around hoping tomorrow will be the day she decides I'm worth showing up for again. Blocked them both on everything.

Just fuck all of this. I'm feeling like never making a friend again, honestly. How the fuck am I ever supposed to be different when the most solid relationships in my life go to shit just like the rest?