How to best help my autistic husband parent
I’m sorry if this is not the thread I need, please feel free to delete this post.
I (30F) am a SAHM and recently was diagnosed with ADHD. My husband (30M) and I agree he is probably on the spectrum somewhere. Our 2 boys are 3.5y and 1y.
I would like to know the best way to help him be the best dad he can be. I believe he is experiencing burnout currently, because any free second he gets he tries to zone out and doomscrolling his phone. He says he doesn’t have time for any hobbies or anything, but he says he’s so bored being with the kids and can only handle a couple hours at a time with them, then he starts scrolling and the older one definitely notices it. I think he’s using it as a way to escape, but I feel like I‘m being neglected because he gets breaks here and there and it doesn’t get reciprocated. I’m starting to have some resentment and that’s why. I want to help.
He also can’t handle the crying and whining, and I can tell starts visibly getting upset. I try to get him to leave so he can relax but he refuses because he thinks he should be able to do it. But eventually he gets really worked up and starts getting angry, so I all but kick him out of the room and I hear him slam his fist on the table. Hes very insecure about parenting.
I try to give him breaks throughout the day and take the brunt of the child care, even when he’s home, but it’s feeling very unequal to me and I’m starting to burnout too. we have no family or friends nearby, so I’m completely isolated. I hold the children’s emotions and have to parent those, yet I feel like I have to be in charge of my husbands emotions too and teach him emotion regulation at the same time.
Sorry for the rambling (ADHD amiright). How can I best help him parent the children? I know to give him lots of breaks, but at some point when do I get a break? Is there anything else that can help him too?